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How do you handle your grown kids?

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 5:48 PM
  • 13 Replies

When I turned 18, I quit listening. I stayed out all night, came back in the morning and that was how I was. I was a good girl though passed my classes, no troble with authority(except my mom)lol, I was always with my girlfriends and I wasn't into guys really so I wasn't being promiscuous. Anywho I always felt that once I turned 18 I was grown therefor I would make my own rules. Anywho now my little sis just turned 18, and for some reason she seems so young to me. I mean shes afraid to go anywhere by herself, and doesn't speak up for herself, and she is sooo not street smart but she thinks she grown. Shes a good kid, graduated hight school, going to college and not even really dating her only date was senior prom. She's hot but my mom keeps a tight leash on her girls.SO my question is how do you handle your grown kids once they are tecnically adults? what rules do they have or not have and do they follow them?  I dont want my kids to be like I was at 18, so how do those of you who have teens handle that whole Im grown thing.




by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 5:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Megan711
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:03 PM

Bump cause I wanna know too!!! I got a long time before DS is "grown" but thats an interesting question cause i dont want my baby to be like his father LOL.  i was a good kid for the most part.   

misssy2000
by Ruby Member on Jun. 9, 2009 at 10:58 PM
bump!




lillitigator88
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:08 PM


Quoting misssy2000:

bump!


RonLee51
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:25 PM

I had one daughter, now 24 moved out and married, and she lived with just me while she attended college and worked part time, graduating at 22.  Once she turned 18, she basically did what she wanted.  But since she was still living in my house, I wanted to know whether she was or wasn't coming home and when. If she was bringing a friend home, I wanted to know in advance.  Your parent and their home were shown respect, and a few chores were still expected to be done as she was living in my house and I was still basically supporting her for the most part.  My daughter managed to grow up, survive the teen years, get educated, and move on to be a productive, responsible member of society.  

misssy2000
by Ruby Member on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:27 PM

Thats great! Sounds like you did a great job. Thanks for sharing!!!

Quoting RonLee51:

I had one daughter, now 24 moved out and married, and she lived with just me while she attended college and worked part time, graduating at 22.  Once she turned 18, she basically did what she wanted.  But since she was still living in my house, I wanted to know whether she was or wasn't coming home and when. If she was bringing a friend home, I wanted to know in advance.  Your parent and their home were shown respect, and a few chores were still expected to be done as she was living in my house and I was still basically supporting her for the most part.  My daughter managed to grow up, survive the teen years, get educated, and move on to be a productive, responsible member of society.  





19deltamom
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:29 PM

I am very strike.. My girls can't date until they turn 18, I have one that just turned 20.One that is 17, then my son that is 13. When my oldest turned 18, I have to admit, her friends did tell her she was an adult and she didn't have to listen but she learned that wasn't true really fast..

So the rules are.... During the week --- she can go out after work but has to be home by 10:00pm.. that is only as long as her room says clean, grades stay up(she is in college) and I know where she is and with who at all times..Weekends...She can stay out until 1:00am not a minute longer, if she is one minute past we will call staff duty(we are military and so is her boyfriend) so therefore he will get into a lot of trouble..So, she is always early.

If her grades drop she will not go out until they come up, if her room is not clean she will not go out, if she talks back or disrespects she will not go out.So needless to say she is pretty good so she can go out.Trust me she wasn't always this easy to get along with, it was hard to make her realize the "rules" but now that she knows she won't go anywhere or do anything unless it is this way it is easier.All we want is for our children to finish college and get good jobs then date...

Right now the 17 year old is testing me, she is going to be a senior, last year of cheering. She has this attitude of "I will do what I want when dad deploys" and I just look and smile... She knows..


nurbabe82
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:37 PM

 It will be a while before DS is grown but I am sure he will think he is before then. But for me when I graduated I was pretty much let to do what I wanted. I did at that point have to provide for some of my own neccesaties. I was pretty respectful of my parents and their rules once I graduated. I will probably do the same thing for DS when he gets grown, but one thing I will change that my mom didn't make me do is call to let me know if he is coming home or not.  

misssy2000
by Ruby Member on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:38 PM

wow, I am scared of you. lol I didnt date until 18 either, the rule was 16 but I just wasnt interested in guys then. My mom was also very strict. I actually wish my mom was like that when I was older but after my parents divorced I was no longer scared of just my mom. I got in a lot of trouble being hard headed. I just stopped listening but she tried to be like you were. So what do you do if your college dd didn't come home one night? then you punished her and she snuck out? I am just curious and you dont have to anwser if you dont want to.

Quoting 19deltamom:

I am very strike.. My girls can't date until they turn 18, I have one that just turned 20.One that is 17, then my son that is 13. When my oldest turned 18, I have to admit, her friends did tell her she was an adult and she didn't have to listen but she learned that wasn't true really fast..

So the rules are.... During the week --- she can go out after work but has to be home by 10:00pm.. that is only as long as her room says clean, grades stay up(she is in college) and I know where she is and with who at all times..Weekends...She can stay out until 1:00am not a minute longer, if she is one minute past we will call staff duty(we are military and so is her boyfriend) so therefore he will get into a lot of trouble..So, she is always early.

If her grades drop she will not go out until they come up, if her room is not clean she will not go out, if she talks back or disrespects she will not go out.So needless to say she is pretty good so she can go out.Trust me she wasn't always this easy to get along with, it was hard to make her realize the "rules" but now that she knows she won't go anywhere or do anything unless it is this way it is easier.All we want is for our children to finish college and get good jobs then date...

Right now the 17 year old is testing me, she is going to be a senior, last year of cheering. She has this attitude of "I will do what I want when dad deploys" and I just look and smile... She knows..






GreenMtGirl
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:45 PM

my 20 year old daughter still lives at home.  The deal is that she cleans up her mess and she doesn't wake us up if she comes home in the middle of the night...

and her boyfriend is n ot allowed to sleep over..

we have found balance..  her finances are her issue... I do not give her money.  she pays her bills..  she works..

If she does something stupid... and she has done that, we will be there to love her unconditionally but the consequences are hers and hers alone..

 

19deltamom
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:54 PM


Quoting misssy2000:

wow, I am scared of you. lol I didnt date until 18 either, the rule was 16 but I just wasnt interested in guys then. My mom was also very strict. I actually wish my mom was like that when I was older but after my parents divorced I was no longer scared of just my mom. I got in a lot of trouble being hard headed. I just stopped listening but she tried to be like you were. So what do you do if your college dd didn't come home one night? then you punished her and she snuck out? I am just curious and you dont have to anwser if you dont want to.

Quoting 19deltamom:

I am very strike.. My girls can't date until they turn 18, I have one that just turned 20.One that is 17, then my son that is 13. When my oldest turned 18, I have to admit, her friends did tell her she was an adult and she didn't have to listen but she learned that wasn't true really fast..

So the rules are.... During the week --- she can go out after work but has to be home by 10:00pm.. that is only as long as her room says clean, grades stay up(she is in college) and I know where she is and with who at all times..Weekends...She can stay out until 1:00am not a minute longer, if she is one minute past we will call staff duty(we are military and so is her boyfriend) so therefore he will get into a lot of trouble..So, she is always early.

If her grades drop she will not go out until they come up, if her room is not clean she will not go out, if she talks back or disrespects she will not go out.So needless to say she is pretty good so she can go out.Trust me she wasn't always this easy to get along with, it was hard to make her realize the "rules" but now that she knows she won't go anywhere or do anything unless it is this way it is easier.All we want is for our children to finish college and get good jobs then date...

Right now the 17 year old is testing me, she is going to be a senior, last year of cheering. She has this attitude of "I will do what I want when dad deploys" and I just look and smile... She knows..



Well, that actually did happen one night.. This is kinda embarrasing.. But these are my kids and I have to protect them.She was supposed to be home and I called--no answer.. I called her friend's phone and she said my daughter was tired and went to sleep wanted to spend the night--OH HECK NO....well, I texted my daughter's phone and her friend texted me and said she was sleeping.. So her dad called and the friend said that she was watching a movie and got tired and went into the room to go to sleep..Well, I told my husband to ask if that boy was there and she said no.. I said something doesn't feel right. So I drove over there and his car was sitting there...So I banged on the door, got into the house started yelling... needless to say, it wasn't pretty. So, the boy is no longer allowed near our house he has to park down the street and my daughter will walk down the street to get into the car..UGH.I am hoping with this deployment and NEW college guys she will drop him.This kid is scared to death of me anyways, so you never know..

So, you just have to stick to your guns and hope for the best. You know a lot of of kids friends are scared of me, but I am the first one they come to  when they need help or they need a sholdier to cry on.. Actually I have one from KY texting me now, Poor kid is scared doesn't know what to do, just finished high school..They all know I am mean but I love them

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