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HELP!!! Feelings for an ex

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 8:34 PM
  • 7 Replies

When I met C I was still dating W. W was quite controlling, but still I maintained a friendship with C. C had feelings for me, and I was developing feelings for him. About 11 months after I met C, W and I broke up. A month later, me and C were an offical couple. I still kept in contact with W. A little over a year later, W introduced me to R. A few days later, R and I went bowling. A week later, C and I broke up. I spent the next few months screwing around with R, despite the fact he had a girlfriend already. I also had very intimate convos with T, a mutal friend of W, R, and I. I ended up having a one night stand with J. After about 5 and half months, I was getting sick of waiting for R to leave his girlfriend, and back into a relationship with W. Just to find I was pregnant and no idea if R or W was the dad. I miscarried that one. A few month later, W moved out of state, and me and R got back together. We have been together for almost 3 years, and have 2 kids together.

Let me back up and explain about W. We met and had an on and off thing for 3 years. He was controlling, somewhat abusive, but never actually hit me. We always remained friends. Once R and I got together, W stopped all contact. He claims that R stole me. A few months ago, we did start talking again for about 2 weeks, then I lost his number.

C was an outcast. Not like emo types, who outcast themselves. He has aspergers, which I did not know until shortly before we broke up, had I known earlier, and known what exactly it is, things would have been a lot different. I know he did his best, but not knowing about the aspergers, I was unable to see that. He was 18, when we got together, had his own car, had a job, yet his dad still controlled his life. His dad said when he would go somewhere, where he would go, what he could do, and I was beyond annoyed and told C many times to tell his dad where to shove it. Once I found out about the aspergers, I stopped, because I started to understand. Also, C would only eat certain foods, but just for me, gave up his favorite foods and was willing to try new ones. A HUGE step for him, even before I knew. We would go out to lunch every Friday, usually Red Robin. I was the one to whom he lost his virginity. He was the best boyfriend I ever had, and the only one that I can 100% truely honestly say that I loved, and I still do. Its going on 4 years since we broke up.

Yeah, I loved R at some point, but I dont anymore. I am only with him still because he keeps threatening to have the kids taken because he has a better job and whatnot.  He is very controlling, abusive in every way. He has only hit me twice in the 3 years we have been together.  He does not help out with his kids, he does not want to buy them things, he gets mad when I go behind his back and buy the things the kids need.

So, now, if you were paying attention, I no longer love R, and I never did love him as much, or in the same ways, that I love C. It is hard to get C to talk to me, ever since I had kids. He likes kids, but he is afraid of them. He says he does not realize his own strength sometimes, and is afraid he would hurt a baby.

Should I tell C how I feel, and risk losing all contact with him, or keep it to myself? I often wonder, what if he still has feelings for me, but is afraid to tell me, figuring I have moved on long ago? I know he is afraid of rejection, seeing as to date, I am the only girlfriend he has ever had. He has been rejected many times. I helped him through a few, before we got together.

What do I do??

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 8:34 PM
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Replies (1-7):
mommieofone05
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 8:35 PM

Holy crap I couldn't get through the first half of the first paragraph so umm...good luck!

krystlzd3
by Platinum Member on Jun. 9, 2009 at 8:39 PM

I dont know, so here's a bump.

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blsdbyangel07
by Evil Food Lady on Jun. 9, 2009 at 8:39 PM

Lol..

It's interesting how the first post some new members make are dramatic posts  :)

Quoting mommieofone05:

Holy crap I couldn't get through the first half of the first paragraph so umm...good luck!


amymarie0315
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 8:40 PM

I know... what I'm thinking is you need to get out of the circle of friends that you keep dating!

Quoting mommieofone05:

Holy crap I couldn't get through the first half of the first paragraph so umm...good luck!


bigmommasmomma
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 8:45 PM

MOVE ON FROM THE WHOLE SITUATION. None are good for you. R is an abuser. & C doesn't want to be bothered with kids, don't make excuses for him. Your kids love & well being should come before ANY MAN. SOOOOOO why not just be single for a while nothing wrong with that hun, enjoy a little tiome with yourself and the kids! Good Luck to you!


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iheartmyshaman
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 8:45 PM

I would advise you to revise your explanation, because with all of the letters in there, it was very difficult to keep up with.

It sounds like you're in an abusive relationship and you need to get out.  It's always wise to break one relationship before starting a new one, but if they overlap, just make sure the one you're breaking up with doesn't know about it, for fear of your life (a man losing his woman may snap.)

He can't take the kids away from you unless you are deemed unfit as a parent.  You HAVE to share custody of the children while divorce/custody proceedings are taking place. 

It's sounds like you're in a currently abusive and neglectful relationship, but you also sound like you flit between the same men when it suites you.  That is something you need to stop.  Do what's best for you and your kids--get out if you're miserable, provide for your little ones, PICK SOMEONE TO BE WITH, and stick with that someone for good, ie, permanently.

C doesn't sound like a winner.  All of these men sound like losers to me, and that's my honest opinion.



prego7386
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 8:45 PM

are you married to R? if not then talk to C about it. tell him that you dont want the convo going any farther than the two of you because you still need to sort threw your feelings but that you need to know if anything is still there and if he could ever be comfortable with your children. as far as R taking the kids because of the better job..i doubt that would happen they keep kids with mom unless mom is a complete screw up. it sounds like C is a good guy and as long as you can keep patient with him and his asperger's then i dont see why it couldn't end up being a good relationship...sometimes the path is a bit curvy to get to where you need to go.

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