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Guilted by help

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 10:24 PM
  • 11 Replies

This may sound incredibly weird but I feel very bad about accepting the help that my family offers me. I have two older kids (nine and two) and I have my one month old twins. My mother asks me when she can keep the babies overnight. She wants to keep them on Friday night and I feel SSSOOOO bad about even entertaining the thought of letting her keep them overnight. How could I accept that offer and pay her back? I can offer her financial help but it seems like what she is offering me is so much more valuable than me helping her with some money (which i am doing anyway since her car was involved in a hit and run).

Am I crazy? Or should I just graciously accept this offer and let my mother help me?

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 10:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WAHM_Teresa
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:59 PM

I don't think she expects anything from you in return.  What you are giving her already is time to spend with her grandchildren that will make beautiful memories for both.  Graciously accept her offer and then do absolutely nothing (if that's what you want) all day long.  Have a glass or two of wine, get wrinkly in a bubble bath and watch chick flicks all day long.  Moms gotta have a day as well.

gbphipps1
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 7:04 AM

Sometimes the biggest gift you can give someone is allowing them to help you.  It will make your Mom feel good to be giving you a break and it is great bonding time for her with the babies.  I am sure she'll enjoy it.  Allow it for both your sakes and the sake of the babies too.  They need to know Grandma too.  This one is a win-win!

TeriMelisa
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 7:13 AM

 Let your mama help you. Those are her grandbabies and she wants to spend time with them. My daughter is 5 and pretty much every weekend since she was born my in-laws get her on Saturdays and my parents got her on Sundays. They pick her up around 9am and bring her home about 5pm. Well last June my daddy passed away, my daughter was only 4 but she has so many memories of him. She still talks about her and her paw-paw watching "Cars" and "Over the Hedge". My mama lives with us now so she sees her everyday. But I think if your mom wants to do it you don't have to pay her back at all. Just tell her if she gets tired she can call and you will come get them.

Katherinep20
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 11:00 AM

I felt the same way when I was offered help, I thought it was my baby, it was my responsibility and my mom or sister didn't have to do that. But it was one time that me and my SO really needed to spend time alone together and my sister and mom were nice enough to take care of him. They love my kid so for them it wasn't a job, they were glad to do it. Now I have asked my mom a couple of times and she has watched him and I know she doesn't want money or anything she just wants to spend time with her grandson, I don't abuse it do, I'm very conscious of that.

My baby is my Life. baby boyDaniel is everything to me.boy kissing mom

SunshineSmiles
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 11:02 AM

i always feel the same way, i usually always deny the help, i need to learn how to stop that!


Roxannroxy
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 11:03 AM

Ditto to all of this! WHAM_Teresa I love your thinking!

I feel the same way at times but there are other times where I just need the break and I accept graciously.

Quoting WAHM_Teresa:

I don't think she expects anything from you in return.  What you are giving her already is time to spend with her grandchildren that will make beautiful memories for both.  Graciously accept her offer and then do absolutely nothing (if that's what you want) all day long.  Have a glass or two of wine, get wrinkly in a bubble bath and watch chick flicks all day long.  Moms gotta have a day as well.


BrownEyedGirl86
by Platinum Member on Jun. 10, 2009 at 11:09 AM

i feel the same way as you,when my parents or my s/os parents offer to watch the kids over night,  they enjoy it they are having the ebst time with there grand children i guess its hard for us to understand b/c we don't have grandchildren yet, but i know that they all have a blast with them even when we go over for the day.  


dychemommy
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 2:43 PM
I get the same way but have to remind myself to not look a gift horse in the mouth and remember that they offered. I'd go for it, if she's willing. It will be a nice break and she can have some special Gramma time with them. If she's anything like my mom, no matter how easy or rough of a night she'll love every second of it. My parents watched my son when he was about 2 months old over 2 nights and my mom barely got any sleep but she was in no way upset about it, you could just see it all over her face. I'd go ahead and let her take them for the night. If it makes you feel better you could offer to get them at any point if she needs. My family has a saying to enjoy each other while you can because we don't know when our last breath will be, this could be the greatest gift you could give her if her time were to come earlier rather than later.
dragonbabe
by on Jun. 13, 2009 at 5:59 AM


Quoting Katherinep20:

I felt the same way when I was offered help, I thought it was my baby, it was my responsibility and my mom or sister didn't have to do that. But it was one time that me and my SO really needed to spend time alone together and my sister and mom were nice enough to take care of him. They love my kid so for them it wasn't a job, they were glad to do it. Now I have asked my mom a couple of times and she has watched him and I know she doesn't want money or anything she just wants to spend time with her grandson, I don't abuse it do, I'm very conscious of that.

I am so glad that your mom was there to help just to have time with her grandkids.  I was not so fortunate my mom expected to be paid instead of bonding with her grandchild.  My kids has lost time with my mother because she has not done anything with them no band concerts or anything like that that now they want nothing to do with her.  Makes it worse for them is she is raising my sister child (long story) and it is all him and nothing for them and that hurts me.  My in laws is a whole other story.  She babysat them when my youngest was still in diapers and I had no problems paying her because it was for 8 or 9 hours a day and I worked 5 days a week.  But for a couple of hours they would not charge us.  Might of helped because I was favorite daughter in law!

dragonbabe
Honii
by on Jun. 13, 2009 at 6:05 AM

She doesn't expect payment.  She's helping her daughter and getting to spend time with her grandchildren.  That's just something us grandmothers do.

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