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so my hubby and I are seperated.... need advice

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 10:39 PM
  • 11 Replies

my hubby and i seperated because he has a problem of talking to slutty women online... and being secretive and we would always fight and it started o effect my son... when I threw him out I wanted a divorce... its been since march and during this time we have spent time together as a family and everything is fine. No fighting but as soon as he leaves or I leave he calls and picks fights with me over stupid little things that he knows will make me angry... So I start leaning more toward the divorce since we cant seem to stop fighting. We have been to a counselor and that never helped because kyle was a jerk during it and the counselor told us to spend time together and apart... so we have been... but lately he just shows up at my house when he feels like it and just walks in... he doesnt knock or anything... What do you all think? When we fight it makes our son throw fits and be mean!  I am doing what i think is best. I say that we keep things the way they are and keep working on the marriage and I dont want to let him come home until the fighting stops... the other day he was here and i got a text message and he just started yelling at me that he wants to look through my phone and all sorts of stuff... i just dont know what to do... I dont know if there is anything left to save... the sad part is, is that we just got married less then a years ago...

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 10:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
4LifeTupperware
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 10:44 PM
sorry mama!

I would get the Fireproof DVD and watch it, and then give it to him to watch... Then I would get the love dare book that goes with the DVD and start reading and doing it!

It has saved alot of marriages, and I would get back into a new consoler.

You took the vows, I am sure that you still love each other, time apart really make it harder to get back a family... I know my hubby and I were apart for 2 years, we have been back as family for 6 years... I know it's hard to work through the hard times, but in the long run it's better and the greatest thing you can do...

There are groups on here for the Fireproof, there are also group on the website it's self

.

Melanie, Wife for 15 years and a Mom, to 14 year old daughter, 10 year old son, 3 year old son, 15 month old son and two angel babies that would also be 15 months old "Only one life, will soon be passed, only what's done for Christ will last." 

 

wolflinx
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 10:45 PM

I have been there. but I was married for 11yrs. What ever you do document everything. Because he will try and get you off guard. Take care and hugs to you.

----- Visit my CafeMom homepage at http://www.cafemom.com/home/wolflinx
lizgriff
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 10:49 PM

Sometimes when someone is doing something they shouldn't they accuse the other person of doing. There will always be hard times and if y'all love each other enough you will work through it. But if he can't stop talking to other women then he has a problem and I wouldn't want to be around that.

nanaT2
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 10:57 PM

regardless of wether you work it out or not, he needs to learn boundries. change the locks on the house. tell him he is not welcome to come and go as he see's fit. set up visitation. spend time together in a neutral place, not just your home. Don't let him get on your ass, cut him off at the knee's. If he starts yelling at you on the phone, let him know you will not tolerate it, that you deserve respect and until he can be such, don't call. and hang up on him.  Take the time for yourself to figure out what is best for you....good luck

Pregomommy255
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:06 PM

we watched that movie together and all he did was laugh and say it was crap...

Quoting 4LifeTupperware:

sorry mama!

I would get the Fireproof DVD and watch it, and then give it to him to watch... Then I would get the love dare book that goes with the DVD and start reading and doing it!

It has saved alot of marriages, and I would get back into a new consoler.

You took the vows, I am sure that you still love each other, time apart really make it harder to get back a family... I know my hubby and I were apart for 2 years, we have been back as family for 6 years... I know it's hard to work through the hard times, but in the long run it's better and the greatest thing you can do...

There are groups on here for the Fireproof, there are also group on the website it's self


Pregomommy255
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:07 PM

i have documented everything... i even have emails from these slutty girls that he wrote... i have also documented the bad language that he has taught our 1.5 year old

Quoting wolflinx:

I have been there. but I was married for 11yrs. What ever you do document everything. Because he will try and get you off guard. Take care and hugs to you.


iheartmyshaman
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:07 PM

Change your locks and get the papers.

He's probably still talking to slutty women at his place.



Pregomommy255
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:09 PM

i did change the locks but the door wasnt locked... i guess i should keep it locked. we have visitation and a parenting plan in place.  he hangs up on me when he starts yelling and i get mad and yell back... i am trying to figure out whats best for my son and honestly the fighting aint good for him...

Quoting nanaT2:

regardless of wether you work it out or not, he needs to learn boundries. change the locks on the house. tell him he is not welcome to come and go as he see's fit. set up visitation. spend time together in a neutral place, not just your home. Don't let him get on your ass, cut him off at the knee's. If he starts yelling at you on the phone, let him know you will not tolerate it, that you deserve respect and until he can be such, don't call. and hang up on him.  Take the time for yourself to figure out what is best for you....good luck


e.v._Mom-2-B
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:17 PM

 It would be very easy for someone to tell you what's best, but the thing is, this is something you yourself have to find out about. I guess what you need to ask is "is it worth it?"
I mean, you said that your son is being affected by the fights? Your husband isn't respecting your time apart either?
If talking isn't helping then the only thing left is action.
My mom & dad were the same way, but my dad cheated on my mom 3 times & never respected her. they were in constant fights & he would even hit her sometimes. My mom wanted to stay w/ him b/cuz of us, but when she noticed how it affected us, she decided that it was time to leave.
I guess what it means to say is... if all it brings you is sorrow...  do you really want your son to be affected by that?

kristalee83
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:18 PM

until he learns about respect it wont work.... your marriage sounds one sided and unless he tries it wont work itself out. i know you love him but do you want your son learning by his example to disrespect you? of course not. tell him if he wants you its his turn to fight or he can file for the divorce and make him think you dont care, then you will see how he really feels. you sound like you deserve better so get it girl.... if he isnt willing to be good enough for you i can gaurantee someone else will be and its better to find that out in the first year than after many years. good luck!

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