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Why so defensive????

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:50 PM
  • 20 Replies

I have noticed that some moms are so defensive and even when not given a reason to be. I breastfeed, and am a sahm. So often when people find out that I bf then they immediately tell me why they didn't, and what not. Or if they hear that I am a sahm then they say something like we just cant afford that, or some other reason. The crazy thing is I never ask, and I don't say judgey things to make people respond this way. I am passionate about the way I parent but I don't set out to  make people who do things differently feel inferior to me. I dont make excuses for how I parent, and I dont need anyone to tell me my parenting style is right I do what works best for my family. But honelsty if I was ff and was a working mom I would be just as comfident in that because obviouly if I was doing it, it must be best for my family.




by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
hipmama185
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:53 PM

I am confident about my style as well.... it works for MY family. I think people think everyone is like them and can't understand why anyone would do things differently. Some I think push a little too much and are not very good at filtering what they say.

Cas73
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:55 PM

They do it to validate to themselves that they are being a good parent.  People who feel inferior usually get defensive and put other people down so they can make themselves feel better about their own parenting skills.

Jena_miraclemom
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 11:58 PM

 Yeah those that aren't confident insist on telling others where they think those mothers are being inferior as parents. Phooey on them.

I am a wonderful mom first and foremost. I love my son more than anyone in this entire world and will protect him with my very life. I am a no hold back, in your face, confrontational bitch with a respectful twist IF you deserve it. Respect me, I'll respect you. You don't respect me, I don't care if you get respect. I bend over backwards for my friends and will do anything for them. Cross me and you will be wished to drop dead..after Karma has it's turn with you anyway.
PatriciaofMN
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 12:06 AM

 

Quoting Cas73:

They do it to validate to themselves that they are being a good parent.  People who feel inferior usually get defensive and put other people down so they can make themselves feel better about their own parenting skills.


 Love Of My Life!

lynn_mj13
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 7:49 AM

OMG, You sound like me!!! I also breastfed (until he decided he was done at 11 mo), and am a sahm. It's shocking how some people act like I'm doing something wrong! As far as "we can't afford that" well, honestly, sometimes we can't either, but I also can't "afford" for someone else to raise my baby!!  There are a few people that think I'm doing the right thing, and those are the people we have to pay attention to. I think some of it is plain old jealousy. Maybe the women weren't able to stay at home and it bothered them. Maybe they tried to breastfed and didn't have enough support and felt like they failed. It's hard work to breastfeed and stay at home with your child. A lot of people don't see it that way, they think hard work means a day at the office, but that's not always the case. In my opinion, all us breastfeeding, stay at home mama's are doing the most important job of all!!!

dueoctober8
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 7:57 AM

I understand where youre coming from, and it also annoys me that people are so defensive as well however I must say one thing... I know I wasnt there and I didnt see the actual convo, and did not get the whole context of what was going on, but to me saying 'we just cant afford that' doesnt sound judgmental or defensive, granted I know thats taken out of context like I said, but personally I would love to be a SAHM, but im not sure if we can afford it or not, that to me is just kind of thinking out loud, I hope you wouldnt consider me defensive just for saying that...

QuillingDiva
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 8:10 AM

Good posting. Although many times people are forced by circumstances rather then by choice in doing certain things.
lovemymarine306
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 8:15 AM

i know what you mean.  i didn't bf, but i had legit reasons and i don't feel bad about it at all.  but if i talk about my home life at all, or about the fact that my 19 month old is talking in sentences, people get soooo defensive.  and they are usually the ones who ask in the first place!  lol

Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker



JudeandLucy
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 8:24 AM

I get why people are so defensive about ff. I mean, I don't think anyone should feel they need to be, but I've been there.

In real life and especially on CM I've been bashed for ff. (Obviously, more so and more rudely on CM lol) In my case I've learned to expect someone to say something negative about ff'ing so it's easier to just start off with "Here's why I didn't...". 

I do the same thing if someone notices I've bought something. It's become a reflex to just say, "I got it on sale for $X.", because alot of mine & DH's family knows we're broke as a joke so we get shit if we buy something they deem "unnecessary".  

exceptalilfish
by on Jun. 10, 2009 at 8:25 AM

this, exactly.

Quoting JudeandLucy:

I get why people are so defensive about ff. I mean, I don't think anyone should feel they need to be, but I've been there.

In real life and especially on CM I've been bashed for ff. (Obviously, more so and more rudely on CM lol) In my case I've learned to expect someone to say something negative about ff'ing so it's easier to just start off with "Here's why I didn't...". 

I do the same thing if someone notices I've bought something. It's become a reflex to just say, "I got it on sale for $X.", because alot of mine & DH's family knows we're broke as a joke so we get shit if we buy something they deem "unnecessary".  


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