how do I find the strength to leave? I'm so scared. UPDATE he's in jail
Its been really intense in my home these last few days. We've all been sick and feeling horrible. DDs father has been here the whole time. Things WERE going good in our relationship for a while, but now I'm scared to be around him. He is becoming more and more aggresive when we fight--he has hit me before, and though he usually keeps himself in check, he has been throwing things at me, screaming in my face, grabbing things out of my hands, and Im just scared. He's been belittling me, telling me Im a horrible mother and a cunt. I can't take this. He's reduced me to tears so many times in the last week its not even funny--and I'm not the kind of chick who cries easily.
I have to be quick because I don't want him to read what I am writing. He does not live with me, but won't leave my house. When he does, if I lock the doors and don't let him in, he bangs on all of my windows and screams at me. I can't take this, I can't take this.
How do I find the strength to do this?!?!?!?!?!?
I went outside to have a cigarette and he followed. I told him I was done being treated so poorly. That I refused to have him treat me like this. He had the phone, I told him to use it to call a ride, then I went inside and locked the door. He was banging on my windows telling me to give him his shit. I opened the door to give it to him--he pushed his way inside. I went in the kitchen to call the police and after one ring he unplugged the phone from the wall. I plugged it in, the cops called back and sent someone over. They found him walking up the street and arrested him for disturbing a 911 call. The officer took a statement--I did not press charges (because I'm an idiot and I don't want anything horrible to happen to him. I just want him to understand he can't treat me this way).
I need to stay strong. I need to keep him gone. Thank you for your support ladies--I have phone numbers from the polica officer on how to file for a protective order and to find out exactly what that means.
Please pray for me and my daughter. Thank you for helping me when I needed it.
The world is absurd, and beautiful, and small.