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Are you in an inter-racial/cultural/ethnic/faith relationship?

Posted by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 11:28 PM
  • 43 Replies

I was just curious as to who else out there has an inter-ethnic marriage/relationship....what are the rewards/pros and challenges/cons that you face? 

I am Jewish/white married to a man from Mexico (raised Catholic but doesn't practice at all).  I love our mix of cultures and opinions but we do have our share of clashes.  The biggest difference I would say is the way families interact.  My family is super small and while I grew up spending plenty of time with the relatives we all pretty much had our own lives and business.  As for my husbands family...everyone is always in each others lives and the mother is like the matriarch of the family (my hubby's mother that is).  Sometimes I envy that and wish my family was that close but other times it can be hard because my husband and I are probably better off than most of his other siblings (half sitll life in Mexico) so they constantly ask for money and that bugs me because we are by no means rich and have a young daughter with plans of starting for #2 soon so I try to tell him that we need to save money too.  I know that is just how it is in that culture but I think it's also good for him to see some reasons for saying no sometimes  ANd I will admit he has been much better recently....especially since daughter was born. 

I guess that's my big issue...would love to hear others challenges and joys!!

by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 11:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mamivon2
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 11:30 PM

Well Im not sure if I count or not. But I was born and raised in Switzerland. I moved to the usa almost 10 years ago. My DH is a "fullblooded" american.

Kellie7708
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 11:34 PM

Have you guys ever had any challenges in your marriage specifically due to cultural differences?

Lovegaia78
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 11:34 PM

Well my husband's father is half Guatemalan and half Chinese, and his mom is half Norwegian and half German with a little native american thrown in there.

I have to say that my husband's dad has issues from his childhood in Guatemala, and he is still very paranoid about break-ins and stuff like that. He was cold to him because HIS father was cold to him.

As a result, my husband's worst trait is his coldness, even though he is 100% American.

In my case, it just goes to show that these things can be passed on from generation to generation and it can get tricky even into 3rd generations.

Brijake0306
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 11:35 PM

Im white/american and my boyfriend is Mexican. I know that taking care of his family is very important to him. He lives with his mom, dad and younger sister. When his younger sister needs anything he's the one that buys it and he pays almost all the bills in the house. We don't have any children together or live together so I really don't have much experience. I know that his mothers opinion and approval are very important to him tho. She ask him a lot of questions about me. Im divorced with 2 kids. The way I was raised and the way he was raised is very different.

gabe11-14
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 11:35 PM

I am White and my husband is Haitian, we clash alot. I always hear him talk about in his country thisand in his country that. He  was raised where the man is head of the house,the woman respects and ollows his wishes. I was raised to be an equal so it's very hard sometimes in that respect.

mamivon2
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 11:42 PM

Not really. I think Swiss people are very punctual. Like if my DH tells me we have to be at  such and such place at 5pm. I want to be there at 4;55PM. He on the other hand is still getting ready and dont really care if we are late a few min. I also like for my kids to be in bed on time (specially school nights) and if Im around they cant have nothing sweet after 8pm. My DH was raised batism (or however you say it). I was raised Christian). We dont really practice any of them.

Its also common that swiss DH help their wives around the house. And its hard for me when my dh refuses. Thats all I can think of.

 

 

 

 

 

3galsmomma
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 11:43 PM
My first DH was Mexican.....and the differences were too much for us. I had to laugh at what you said about the MIL.....she was a big part of the fall of our marraige. (besides the fact that he was/is a total douche bag)

I married him before I met his family. Had I met them, wouldn't have married him. I remembered the first time I met them in person....my oldest was only 10 days old. (AND we had to drive 12 hours to see THEM!!!! Geez, I just gave birth!! A-holes)

Anyway, I was bfing Sydney, and was finishing up when I heard MIL call my ex to the dinner table. Well, I finished, got up and went into the kitchen to sit and eat. Everyone stared at me, and as I looked around I realized that only the men were seated, and the women were standing around the table ready to serve them. Yeah, women only ate AFTER the men were done, IF there was any left. I was breastfeeding, 10 days post partum, and STARVING!! Ugh, I hated those people. My ex took off with another woman 3 years ago, and the kids haven't heard from him, or his family, since.

Thanks but no thanks. I am an old-fashioned white country girl, and my new DH is an old fashioned white country boy. We are the perfect match for each other, but, Lord forbid something happens that breaks DH and I apart....I will never, ever go outside my race again. Too many bad memories. I'm not saying all relationships would be that way....but boy do I have a bad taste in my mouth now. I want someone who was raised, and believes like I do.
MawagaMom
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 11:44 PM

My husband ais of the Asatru faith (ancient Norse gods) and I simply believe in God but do not follow a particular path (and no I am not Agnostic).  We have agreed to raise our children with the Asatru belief and to respect other people's faiths completely.  He is Danish and I am German (we are both almost fully within our ethnicity).

Kellie7708
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 11:45 PM


Quoting Brijake0306:

Im white/american and my boyfriend is Mexican. I know that taking care of his family is very important to him. He lives with his mom, dad and younger sister. When his younger sister needs anything he's the one that buys it and he pays almost all the bills in the house. We don't have any children together or live together so I really don't have much experience. I know that his mothers opinion and approval are very important to him tho. She ask him a lot of questions about me. Im divorced with 2 kids. The way I was raised and the way he was raised is very different.

 

Yea, the mother situation is a little annoying.  I'm lucky in that my hubby's mom is nice and seems to like me but i know if it were ever between her or me, he'd choose her which is pretty normal for Hispanic men. The order of loyalty is child, mom, siblings, wife at least in my case...but i'm just learned to accept it.  He loves me and that's enough, it's not a competition like it used to be when we first were married.  Good luck


ebbierowe
by on Jun. 21, 2009 at 11:50 PM

Yes I am and have been for 15 years (married for 10)

I am black, my husband is white...we have two beautiful children and unfortunately just loss twins....

I was raised United Methodist...my husband is a Physicist and not religious at all...(not that I am any more...but that is another story)

my family loves him...his family loves me (except for one uncle and one grandmother because of the whole black thing)

we have our share debates....and disagreements but I think all marriages do...but we are a happy family....

Bryan's High School Sweetheart in love (for 15 years)  


Mommy to Asiateen girl and Roman american football


and to twin girls Scarlett and Autumn twin girlswho went to Heaven 6/11/09







Tummy Trouble??? http://www.cafemom.com/group/85015

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