I have been a step-mom to my husbands 5 kids (3 different baby-mamas) for the past 4 years. Yes, I knew what I was marrying into. :-) 2 oldest girls live in Germany with their mom. 2 live with another mom, her husband and her lesbian girlfriend (all in the same house and it's weird for everyone) and 1 with another mom and all three of these kids live nearby and come to the house every other weekend and in summer. We only started having visitation with the youngest (9yr old) last March. His mom was cool with me after a few initial conversations to reassure her that I knew my role. The mother of the other 2 has never had issues and actually encouraged her kids to call me "Mom" right off the bat. I told them they didn't have to do that, to do what they felt comfortable with. I love all these kids with all my heart. I was never able to have children of my own (not for lack of trying!haha) and looked forward to the role I play with the kiddos. I love them and they love me. The mom of the 9yr old has recently been very demeaning and has attacked me through texts but wants to act like my best friend in front of everyone else. He hasn't been to the dentist in 2 years. He had 4 caps fall out since December and she wouldn't take him. So I discussed it with my husband and since I take care of the dental for the other 2, he suggested that I get him an appointment with our dentist and take him. I told her all abut what we were going to do and she had a COW! She started throwing out that I had no legal right and that if HER child went to any Dr. or Dental appointment SHE was going to be there and/or make the appointment and it would be with a Dr. or Dentist of HER choosing. It just went downhill from there. It really started when he went home telling her about how much fun he was having with us.....Boy...I could write a book...
Stepmom here!!
Honey, I have the same problem, except bm wasnt really active in the kids lives until about a year and a half ago (they were 9 & 10)- dh has had custody for several years.
She hated me from day one and didnt even know me..lol (Of course I could say the same..LOL)
But, I can tell you that UNLESS there is a court order saying your DH canNOT take them to the dr/dentist, he can do whatever he wants. And trust me, I dont see a judge getting on him for taking care of the kid.
Good luck ma.. it sucks with having to deal with one bm, i cant imagine 3!!
I'm a step-mom to 5 kids too, only he has them all with the same cow, lol.
She hates me because I'm with their dad, and because i'm a better mom and person than she is. She has LOTS of mental issues, major one being borderline personality disorder, and emotional issues and behavior issues. She can't tell what's up from down. She's a 16 yr old in a 30 yr old body. Meth addict, alcoholic.
If we 'thought' about getting the girls's hair cut, she wouldn't let us see the kids for months.
We don't have nearly as many problems with her now, cuz she signed over temp custody when she was being investigated by cps for having them live with a drug user/dealer and a registered sex offender. But, she has them every other weekend, and tries to keep them. We go back to court on the 20th, and are pushing for supervised visits.
I'd take him to the dentist anyways, she can throw a fit, call the cops, file an order of complain (lol), and it'll all just make her look stupid.
One thing I've learned in the last 4 years is not to play their games. Do what you think is best for the kids, whether the bm likes it or not. The less you play their games, and don't give in out of fear, the less they play their games.
Yea. Don't know what I was thinking, marrying another man with kids. I love kids just haven't ever been able to have them. I just hate to see the kids go through some of the unnecessary mental anguish that they have put on them from their jealous moms. I know. I know. Everyone says I would understand if I had children of my own. There is never an excuse for using your kids or making them suffer mentally. 4 of them are teenagers. The youngest will soon be 10. They're old enough to see, but so overly emotional they absorb their mothers' fears and insecurities and their father and I become the bad guy. Why can't everyone just do what I tell them and we'd all get along a lot better?! Contolling? Who? Me? HaHaha...that was a joke. We stepmoms have to maintain our sense of humor or we'll explode. Did I mention all this is further complicated by the fact that we live in a 2 bedroom mobile home? Thank goodness for IKEA!
What is your greatest accomplishment? UPDATE
- 2TimeWSM
on Jul. 2, 2009 at 8:09 PM