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He doesn't understand what you just said!
posted to Newcomers Club - Active discussion
in The CafeMom Newcomers Club
on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:24 AM
- 18 Replies
- 252 Total Views
I know it's a common question that people ask when greeting others: "How are you doing today?"
The problem is that SS doesn't understand the word "how." He definately doesn't understand the whole question either. It's one of his communication delays we've been working on.
So, when the store clerk asked him "How are you doing?" He totally ignored her. He didn't even realize she was talking to him. She repeated it, only this time adding, "Little guy" at the end. He told her back, "I got a light saber!" the toy we were buying him at the time. She said, "Wow! That is so cool. How are you doing, though? You excited?"
Three times... three times she repeated the same question. He said the exact thing he had told her back, "I got a light saber." I jumped in (I was signing to DS to stay in his seat and be good). "He doesn't understand your question. He is excited, though, to be getting his reward for being a big boy." I then hugged SS to let him know I was complimenting his potty training going so well lately (why we were buying the light saber for him.)
"Oh, so you earned the toy then?" she asked him. He again repeated, "I got a light saber."
I almost felt like bashing my head into the counter... or hers into the register. Thankfully DS decided it was that time to try to escape the cart for his toy and DH paid quickly to usher us out of the store.
I made sure SS understood how proud we were of him for being a big boy. We opened the toy for the ride to our house. DS fell asleep. DH fell asleep. I drove the 2 hours home from the store (the only store that sold the stupid thing) while SS played with the toy in the back quietly.
The whole time I'm thinking to myself: Why repeat the same question so many times if you're not getting an answer? I understand that SS was "rude" for not answering back "Fine" or whatever generic answer there is... but he doesn't understand that... he repeated the same thing over and over again to her as well... does it take a rocket scientist to figure out that maybe he isn't your typical 5 year old?
Anyway, I cried when I got home and DH took the kids to help work at MIL's homestead. I cried because we have come so far with SS, and yet a simple question that everyone uses everyday still eludes him. I cried because that woman brought it to the surface that no matter how many things we accomplish (such as his potty training finally) we have so much more to do with him. I cried because I actually didn't want to explain it to someone again that he's special needs... we were celebrating, not bringing the problems to the surface... I cried myself to sleep.
Replies:
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- by on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:27 AM
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Oh, hun, don't cry anymore. Some people will never understand. Just be happy for his accomplishments.
I am a non-ERF, can't wait to drop the booster, breast-fed til 6 weeks, Nestle formula using, pro-choice, Independent, open-minded, gay marriage supporting, CIO, NON-AP, former Marine mom to the only perfect child on Earth. Don't tell me how to raise my kid, and I won't tell you what's wrong with yours!
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- by on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:28 AM
- Well you should feel very proud of you son. He might have special needs but any thing he accomplishes is a big step. Sometimes you just have to tell people though and it would make you feel a lot better and they would understand. But I'm very prod of you and your family for accomplishing so many things with him. I wish you the best for you and your family
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- by on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:29 AM
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Don't worry mamma. I have a son who has significant speech delays. Not many people understand him when he talks but I do. Anyway I can ask him What did you do today and he will answer "GREAT!!" I said WHAT did you do today, same answer. I have to give him verbal clues to get the right answer. Keep working he will get it!
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- by on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:30 AM
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I'm sorry you're having such a rough day. I don't know how hard it must be but it sounds like you're making such great progress with him. Don't let it get you down. Sometimes we all need to vent.
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- by on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:30 AM
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I want you to sit down; get a nice cup of hot tea, a piece of paper and pen. I want you to sit there and write down all the wonderful things he has accomplished and done that has made you proud of him. And relive each momment through your head as your doing it. He will get there at his own speed and time. Be proud of him; and enjoy. You never know what new things you will learn from him. Smile!
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- by on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:31 AM
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Oh I am very happy. A year ago he couldn't even say "mama". He had no verbal skills at all. I am so happy we got to where he is now...
Quoting Kaelaasmom:
Oh, hun, don't cry anymore. Some people will never understand. Just be happy for his accomplishments.
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- by on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:31 AM
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those are tough words mom... and they take time.
devin had to be prompted constantly... to respond to his name, to respond to questions... to even hold a basic conversation.
for years.. until he was almost 10! it takes time.
have you considered printing up cards that explain the situation...so you can hand them out in situations like these....so people can be more informed about how to deal with the situation?
ADMIN FOR AUTISM, ASPERGER'S, PDD AWARENESS.
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- by on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:33 AM
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aww its ok, some may not understand his communication skills. Maybe since i have been around alot of children, if they answered the way your ss did I would just figure he had a good day. Not all 5 yr olds can talk like little adults. I am still working on DD who is 3 to say her name when asked. I will ask her and she just gives me this look like i should know it LOL. At least she says hi to the clerk when the clerk acknowledges her and says good bye.
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- by on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:33 AM
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i can understand where you are coming from, but she was just being nice! be proud of your SS and what he has accomplished, but don't be mad at the cashier, she was just being friendly.
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- by on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:35 AM
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Thank you. I actually don't need a paper or pen. I go through every moment in my head during my bath time at night for both of my boys. I know that both of them have made such leaps against their disabilities...
I am just pregnant and I became so angry that she wouldn't stop repeating the question...
Somedays I want to put on SS a shirt that says, "I have Autism." and a shirt on DS that says, "I use sign language." I'd do this, but even though I know the shirts exsist, I won't put them on my children. I want to celebrate their achievements and I don't want others to look down on them for their "problems."
Quoting F_Stathouse:
I want you to sit down; get a nice cup of hot tea, a piece of paper and pen. I want you to sit there and write down all the wonderful things he has accomplished and done that has made you proud of him. And relive each momment through your head as your doing it. He will get there at his own speed and time. Be proud of him; and enjoy. You never know what new things you will learn from him. Smile!
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