He doesn't understand what you just said!

Replies:

• 
• by
  • Kenre
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:40 AM

• The thought has occured to me to print something up... but when ever I tell people he has Autism they start acting like he's stupid or has a terminal disease. I also don't own a printer. Most of the time I explain it to people, but today I didn't want to dwell on it or maybe even remember it. We finally have him potty trained. Two whole weeks of going on the toilet and it was a celebration day for it. I didn't want to be reminded of why it took so long to potty train him.

  Thank you, though. I will never push him too hard to learn things. We're going into the "What's that?" phase right now. His first question that he's ever said and we hear it constantly. The repeating of the question even after we explain what something is sometimes a bit on the nerves, but we just remind ourselves that he was completely non-verbal just last year... and we like hearing his voice.
  

  Quoting mitch576:
  
  

  those are tough words mom... and they take time.

  devin had to be prompted constantly... to respond to his name, to respond to questions... to even hold a basic conversation.

  for years.. until he was almost 10! it takes time.

  have you considered printing up cards that explain the situation...so you can hand them out in situations like these....so people can be more informed about how to deal with the situation?

  
  

  

• 
• by
  • Kenre
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:46 AM

• Both boys did greet the cashier before this whole thing started. I guess I do have to admit she was a young cashier and when I had said he didn't understand her question she gave me a puzzled look. I probably should have explained it to her... I know that now... I just was getting upset (hormonal.)
  

  Quoting frndlyfn:
  
  

  aww its ok, some may not understand his communication skills.  Maybe since i have been around alot of children, if they answered the way your ss did I would just figure he had a good day.   Not all 5 yr olds can talk like little adults.  I am still working on DD who is 3 to say her name when asked.  I will ask her and she just gives me this look like i should know it LOL. At least she says hi to the clerk when the clerk acknowledges her and says good bye.

  
  

  

• 
• by
  • Kenre
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:48 AM

• I know she was being friendly... I am just wondering why she had to say it three times? I got angry there at the store, but I know in the end that she didn't cause SS's Autism. The problem with most Autistic kids is they look normal on the outside... so I guess she couldn't have known either.

  Quoting LiquidAmethyst:
  
  

  i can understand where you are coming from, but she was just being nice!  be proud of your SS and what he has accomplished, but don't be mad at the cashier, she was just being friendly.

  
  

  

• 
• by
  • mitch576
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:53 AM

• i know you do.. and he will get there mom he really will!

  for some reason.. our kids learn in chunks. think about when he started talking.. i am willing to bet at some point he made a huge leap and started really speaking.

  chunks...some chunks take longer to learn. also.. most of our kids have central auditory processing disorder. you can have the school provide him with therapy for it and it is one of the few therapies that is proven to really work.

  it goes in one ear...right out the other. that's an old saying....that may apply to your son.

  it's not a "delay" { yes the w words and h words are a delay....but this is separate, it's why our kids sometimes don't respond to their names}

  so it's not the same type of delay. it's an "apraxia"

  a wiring issue... that is treatable.  the delay will come in time. he will eventually get it. he started to speak right? you may have thought that would never happen... and this may take years of prompting.

  but.. he will get it.

  it's ok to be sad. it's awful.. having to explain. i know.. been doing it for 12 years. it is hard.
  

  it's heart breaking...each time you see a "normal" kid.. doing what your child struggles to do.

  hang in there ... he will get it! don't let it bring you down... he will amaze you some day.

  i know it.
  

  Quoting Kenre:
  
  

  The thought has occured to me to print something up... but when ever I tell people he has Autism they start acting like he's stupid or has a terminal disease. I also don't own a printer. Most of the time I explain it to people, but today I didn't want to dwell on it or maybe even remember it. We finally have him potty trained. Two whole weeks of going on the toilet and it was a celebration day for it. I didn't want to be reminded of why it took so long to potty train him.

  Thank you, though. I will never push him too hard to learn things. We're going into the "What's that?" phase right now. His first question that he's ever said and we hear it constantly. The repeating of the question even after we explain what something is sometimes a bit on the nerves, but we just remind ourselves that he was completely non-verbal just last year... and we like hearing his voice.
  

  Quoting mitch576:
  
  

  those are tough words mom... and they take time.

  devin had to be prompted constantly... to respond to his name, to respond to questions... to even hold a basic conversation.

  for years.. until he was almost 10! it takes time.

  have you considered printing up cards that explain the situation...so you can hand them out in situations like these....so people can be more informed about how to deal with the situation?

  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

   ADMIN FOR AUTISM, ASPERGER'S, PDD AWARENESS.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

• 
• by
  • masesmom
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 1:01 AM

• hope you are feeling better.  I can see how it would have bothered you that she kept asking, but she really probly just didnt understand.

  Dont worry, you obvioulsy are making great progress with SS!!  again im sorry you had to cry yourself to sleep  :(

   

  
  

  
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• 
• by
  • JenniferLeh
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 1:10 AM

• I wish I could give you some hugs!!!My sons don't have autism, but my middle son has some severe learning delays and speech delays. It bothers him when people don't understand what he's saying and then he isn't able to control his anger and tends to lash out.

  I'm thinking the cashier wanted to reach out and treat him as a normal person rather than doing the whole "oh....." awkward moment. She was trying to make contact and didn't understand.

  It is frustrating because you just want to tell her "Will you SHUT UP already?!" Because it makes the autism / delay seem so pronounced and obvious to you. You feel like they're being judged and you want to hide them away and protect them from all the ignorance out there.

  My oldest has ADHD and it seems there is always a stigma attached to him whenever he begins a new school year. "ooooh ADHD" I can just imagine the teacher thinking "ah shit....one of THOSE kids"....

  I know it's not the same thing, though. Vent all you want. We're here to support you!

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• 
• by
  • F_Stathouse
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 1:10 AM

• Your Welcome; It's like a book; you have to open it first to see what's really inside.  I'm deaf/half in my left ear so I use sign too.  And I'm still working on my children understanding that not to get mad at me for not hearing them the first time.  My 4 year old taps me on the shoulder and looks me in the face and goes Mom.  But some people don't understand and don't get it.
  

  Quoting Kenre:
  
  

  Thank you. I actually don't need a paper or pen. I go through every moment in my head during my bath time at night for both of my boys. I know that both of them have made such leaps against their disabilities...

  I am just pregnant and I became so angry that she wouldn't stop repeating the question...

  Somedays I want to put on SS a shirt that says, "I have Autism." and a shirt on DS that says, "I use sign language." I'd do this, but even though I know the shirts exsist, I won't put them on my children. I want to celebrate their achievements and I don't want others to look down on them for their "problems."
  

  Quoting F_Stathouse:
  
  

  I want you to sit down; get a nice cup of hot tea, a piece of paper and pen.  I want you to sit there and write down all the wonderful things he has accomplished and done that has made you proud of him.  And relive each momment through your head as your doing it.  He will get there at his own speed and time.   Be proud of him; and enjoy.  You never know what new things you will learn from him.  Smile!

  
  

  
  

• 
• by
  • judybant
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 1:19 AM

• Oh, Momma! Do not concentrate on the negativity of this situation! The store clerk is one of those generally oblivious people who do not "get" that all disabilites are not as obvious as having missing limbs, and disfigured bodies. It's not your son's fault she didn't pick up on his cues. And if it makes you feel any better, I have a "normal" (as normal as a kid with his gene pool can be, if you knew me and my husband you'd know what an accomplishment this kid is!)_6 year old, who would have answered her in the exact same manner. 5 and 6 year old boys are VERY "me" oriented, and really don't pay much attention to social interaction, and MY kid would be just bubbling over with the excitement of A) achieving a goal, and then B) getting the reward he's been working for, he'd be paying ZERO attention to the clerk, other than to focus on when she let that reward leave her hot little hands, so HE could have it back.

  Your child has achieved great things! And so what if it takes him longer to "get it"? That simply makes the achievements that much sweeter! I work in the Alzheimer's unit of a nursing home. WHich in a lot of ways, is VERY much like dealing with children with communication delays, and an inability to understand fully what's being said to them, unless it's said in a specific way,

  You continue to focus on your child's daily achievements. You find joy in SOMETHING he does, EVERY day, and I guarantee, he will benefit from that! Simply knowing that you love him, and celebrate HIM every day will help him to continue to blossom! Way to go, Little Man! We're ALL very proud of you!

   

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