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  • Cafe GroupAdmin
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:16 PM

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• by
  • megan479
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:20 PM

• have her, or his family file for a no contact order, that way she cant talk to him at all with out getting in trouble.  however, beyond that, there isnt a whole lot you can do.  she needs to realize that an abusive relationship isnt a good option before she can grow out of it and find someone better.  just support her and keep reminding her that there are many other men out there who will treat her a lot better than her ex-loser.  maybe surreptitiosly introduce her to a few men you think she would like and that you know arent violent abusers.

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• by
  • happytexasCM
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:29 PM

• Try reading this book:
  

  But I Love Him
  

  LoriKeet's Journal
  "What if you decide to sell your home or rental unit(s)?  In order to SELL your home you will need to have it assessed, bring it up to code, which could mean replacing windows, heating/cooling systems, major appliances, etc." --YOU will need the approval of the US Government to SELL YOUR OWN HOME! Can't afford the improvements? Sucks for you.Full Text of Cap and Trade/Climate Bill--What our members of Congress DIDN'T READ BEFORE VOTING "YES!"

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• by
  • Joy1027
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:29 PM

• Hi Kat,

  In reply to your post.  I know exackly what you are going through and how you feel.  I believe I brought my kids up wrong! I have (3) I taught them to be kind, loving and giving.  All of them are in a giving relationship its were they give and the other person takes......and takes.....and keeps taking.

  Oh yes there were PPO's and they still got together.  My daughter feels if she is not now abused not she is not fine.  Two of my kids were abused by there father so they think they have to be abused to feel good I guess.

  All the talking in the world does no good.  It is not until something drastic happens that they wake up for a short time.  My daughter has benefited from counseling for herself especially the kind that deals with domestic violence if you could suggest that in a kind way perhaps she would be willing to go and find out all kinds of information it is important that you tell her it could be her life that is in jepardy, and if she continues on this path later on in life it will catch up to her even if she stops it now. I know I was in a very abusive relationship with my first husband for years afraid to leave afraid to stay when the courts got involved and I went to counseling that is when I became educated and moved forward.  Other than that always keep her in your prayers and keeping in constant contact helps also.

  Good  Luck and God Bless!  Joy

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• by
  • WifeyandMommy89
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 12:39 PM

• First of all I woud like to say I am very sorry for what your daughter is going through. I was just like your daughter, until 6 weeks ago, when I opened my eyes. No one ever thought I'd be the type of person to let a man treat me that way. I have always been a strong woman, with a strong will.I was with this loser for 4 years, 3 of which he was beating me, raping me, belittleing me in front of everyone, including my family and I didn't see it as a problem. Of course I saw that he shouldn't be diong it, but I blamed myself. I thought it was my fault, if I had just got his bath water at the right temperature, or I had just remembered to pick up that new movie from the movie rental shop, if I hadn't spent so much money on our sons diapers.. I should have looked for a sale... But it wasn't my fault and I know that now. It took me 3 years to leave him.. my breaking point?? He left a bruise on my sons ass whle giving him a "spanking". This was through a diaper and jeans... For throwing toys... My then 16 month old son through a toy and ended up with a bruise on his ass...I took my son and I left. I went to my parents for help.. A week later, while I was stupid enough to allow him to see my son at the park.. he punched me in the face in front of my son and my neice (who is 7 years old)... I went home and I called the police. He calls me from time to time.. and I ignore him. I have full custody of my son. He was finally arrested last week... For threatening to bash his friends head in with a metal pipe... And now they are investigating him for attempted murder charges.. they think he slit a girls throat but need more evidence for a conviction..

  How do you stop the abuse? You can't.. That is the cold hard truth..and I'm sorry for being so blunt. My family tried and tried to get me to leave him, my mom forbid me to see him while I was living under her roof, so I moved in with him, when she threatened to make me move back home (I was under age) He made me get pregnant... I didn't want to.. he MADE me...

  What did work, and what made me realize that I was better than that... was my mom, telling me stories of survivors... How they got away, how they coped wit the grief, because she will grieve for the relationship.. Ask her if she wants to do some volunteer work with you and go volunteer at a womans shelter... Seeing what has happened to those women and seeing that they got the strength to leave.. it will inspire anyone to do anything.... It's very empowering!!!!

  Good luck momma. She has a long hard road ahead of her and so do you. There are going to be sleepless nights,, big arguements (as she's going to take her anger towards him out on you), breaking points where she will want to go back and when she starts to heal... Nightmares, lots of tears, self pity,, anxiety, maybe even depression... I still jump when someone touches me unexpectedly.. even my own son.. and he's only 18 months old...

  I hope you find some of this useful and you can contact me anytime you need to talk, and she can as well if need be!!!

  Good luck! Warm thoughts coming your way!!!
  

  
  

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• by
  • SocialAtrocity
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 2:34 PM

• I am 22. For 3 years on and off I was in an abusive relationship with 2 different men. The first one was beatings, raping, belittling me. I didn't know any better as I had been molested and raped by many men from the time I was three until then. I finally reached my breaking point when we were fighting and I grabbed a steak knife and threatend to kill myself. He took it from me and said if I was going to die it would be because of his hands not when I was ready. Then I left him for another man. A man who treated me with respect, took me out places, didn't talk down to me. Made me feel beautiful and feel better about myself. Then, after a couple months, the belittling started. "You aren't good enough for me", "you're nothing more than a fuck", things like that. I got pregnant. He left. We tried to work things out after I had DD, but he decided that he was going to punch me in the face while holding DD when she was 2 months old. I left him. I ended up back with my ex. The cycle continued with the beatings and belittling. I ended up living with him and his parents. I was on myspace and found cafemom. Met a really nice mom on here who happen to live just down the road from me. We got together a few times. I told her that I was looking for a job. She told me about where she worked and how they were hiring. I went and put in an application. I was hired. 2 weeks after starting, I was bringing my ex to a friend's house and dropping off DD to my mom on my way to work. He beat me up the entire car ride to his friend's house. I almost hit a few cars and almost went off the road. I was bruised and could barely walk. I text my friend at work after I dropped him off and told her I was beat up and would be a few min late to work, to let our boss know. I got to work and was there no more than 2 min while I was trying to clock in, when I just lost it. I started crying and couldn't stop. My boss pulled me into his office to ask what was going on. I couldn't talk to him. I showed him the text msg I had sent my co-worker. He immediately pulled her into the office to try and get her to calm me down and find out more of what had happend.

  It took me having to go to work bruised up for me to realize that I do not deserve to be beat up and treated like that. I am a human being, with faults, but those faults do not mean I need to be hit or raped because of them.

  For your daughter, just be there for her for support. Talk to her, but don't press the issue. If she doesn't want to talk she isn't going to. It will just make it even harder for you to get close to her. If I had just talked to my sister, who went through a very similar situation, I would have realized my sooner that it was very wrong. See if you can find other young women who have been through things like this who can share their success stories from it. Try to keep up her self-confidence.

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• by
  • 3kidsbrown
  on Jul. 4, 2009 at 2:46 PM

• I know that you heart is aching and you want to help but honestly the only thing that you can do is be there for he when she is ready. I know what this is like my oldest's father was very metally abusive to me. Putting in alarm systems in so he know if I leave at night, taking away my car keys during the day when he was at work so I couldn't leave, and drink a 30pk every night. It took me a long time to get the courage to leave him. Just be there for her and help her when she needs it. If you feel like you need to do something find some information via online or pamphelts and give them to her without being pushy about it.

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