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Ok...I have to make this quick - ds and dh just ran to the store and will be right back!
So...
MIL is an alcoholic drug addict.
I have told dh that she can see them if she comes here sober.
She doesn't like me, so wants to take them herself.
I just went on his facebook for a second - looking for a friend of ours that I thought he may have found but I haven't been able to - and she has sent him a message saying she is off Thursday and Friday and wants to take the kids for those two days!
Last week, dh and I got into a knock down drag out fight about this because he grew up that way and doesn't see a problem with her taking them.
I started thinking about leaving.
When he brings this up it's going to be another HUGE fight and I'm not sure that it won't end with me leaving this time.
How can I convince him that she's wrong?
P.S. There's MUCH MORE to the story, but I don't have to time to post it right now. I will try later.
***Please respond if you open this and please no bashing!***

Yeah...I wouldnt be letting my kids go with her! My dad is an alcoholic, and for three years I have let him see the girls when I was there with them...then he did something unforgivable last weekend and he is cut out of their lives forever.
Anyway...you dont want her to take them and something happen...I would go with your gut instinct and not let her take them...no matter what your dh says!
i don't know what to say other than stand up for yourself and your kids! good luck i'm sorry you are dealing with this!

My kids do not go with anybody that cannot stay sober for their sake (if only for an hour KWIM?) I am sorry you are going through this. It is odd that your hubby is ok with her taking them knowing that she isn't sober. Of course if that is the life he grew up in it is not shocking to him I guess. I would think that if he grew up like that he would be more inclined to keep them from people that have a problem.
IF it came down to it i would tell him it was either the kids and your marriage or his mother, if he chooses his mother then in a last attempt i would suggest counceling and have him read "toxic in-laws", if all else fails, divorce and file for custody with no visitations with GMa.
I know this sounds harsh but im sure your a great mother who would not endanger your childrens lives or mental health at the expence of your marriage. When it comes down to it, it's about whats best for your chilren.
Quick story- my mom is an alcololic and when my DD was 13 months old she wanted to keep my DD for the weekend, i was obviously scared but my mom swore she had not been drinking in a while so i digressed and let her take DD.
Well my mom had some wine and then decided to take my DD for a walk to the mall on a busy street.
WHile my mom was crossing she did not see the car and my DD and her were hit, My DD's stroller was crushed.
They both survived by some miracle but she was never allowed alone with her again, my dd is now 5 and has never been alone with her gma since.

I would not let her take them away from your house even if sober, because if she is as addicted as you say, she will come sober just to get them but probably be wasted when she returns them. I think back to when I was little, my dad was an alcoholic. He once was driving with me in the car and went to stop at a red little... well, he missed, we stopped in the middle of the intersection, luckily it was late at night and no traffic!
There is no way in HELL I would be letting someone like that around my kids. Tell him , and if he continues to be an ass about it , hit the highway , thats your kids health and safety , letting them go with her will seriously endanger BOTH and I wouldnt have it.
MY ML WAS RESON MY 12 YEAR RELSONSHIP ENDED...SO THANK TWICE ABOUT LEAVING..GOODLUCK..
As much as this is a terrible thing for you to have to go through, I really think that you're doing the right thing in standing your ground. Just try explaining to him that just because it's something that he's used to, doesn't make it something that you ever want your children used to, and that your parenting styles are obviously VERY different than MIL's. I have a lot of personal experience with this sort of thing... PM me if you need to talk..
My MIL has a prescription drug problem. My 5 yr old has never spent the night with her or stayed in the house with her by themselves. I have left him there while I ran to the store with my FIL there (he has health issues the prevent him from watching the kids for long periods of time) I am fortunate that my DH understands this problem and agrees with me. I wish you luck in getting him to see that it is for the safety of the kids that you don't want them to be alone with this woman. Not that you don't want them to spend time with her.
Your MIL is not ruining your marriage....your husband is.
HE is allowing her to ruin your marriage. He is making his druggie alcoholic mother more important than his wife.
HE has to change. I cant believe he would allow this. I got the furthest I could away from my Mother....and she has never met my husband...or my child. I haven't talked to her in 5 or 6 years.
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