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Help! My MIL is ruining my marriage!

Proudmumof2
posted to Newcomers Club - Active discussion in The CafeMom Newcomers Club
on Jul. 4, 2009 at 7:01 PM

23 Replies
438 Total Views

Ok...I have to make this quick - ds and dh just ran to the store and will be right back!

So...

MIL is an alcoholic drug addict.

I have told dh that she can see them if she comes here sober.

She doesn't like me, so wants to take them herself.

I just went on his facebook for a second - looking for a friend of ours that I thought he may have found but I haven't been able to - and she has sent him a message saying she is off Thursday and Friday and wants to take the kids for those two days!

Last week, dh and I got into a knock down drag out fight about this because he grew up that way and doesn't see a problem with her taking them.

I started thinking about leaving.

When he brings this up it's going to be another HUGE fight and I'm not sure that it won't end with me leaving this time.

How can I convince him that she's wrong?

P.S. There's MUCH MORE to the story, but I don't have to time to post it right now. I will try later.

***Please respond if you open this and please no bashing!***

Written by

Proudmumof2

on Jul. 4, 2009 at 7:01 PM

Replies:

21-23 of 23 replies

first previous 1 23

by
- Countrygirl479
on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:05 AM
Stick to your guns. Don't let her take them. If something happened it would be awful.

by
- jesuslives878
on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:10 AM
Yes, she has to realize she has a problem and WANT to quit drinking.

Quoting Proudmumof2:

I appreciate what you're saying, but we've tried it. The problem is she doesn't think she has a problem. Isn't that the first step for AA?

Quoting jesuslives878:

If you and your husband could be in agreement, and confront her with the fact that she has a serious problem and needs help, cant be alone with the grandchild until she gets it and can't come to your home drinking, or bring alcohol; she might wake up and get help; if not at least you would have set limits regarding your home and famil;y. I am arecovered alcoholic, and I can say that AA is a wonderful program. God used it to help me get sober and eventually after a few years of sobriety, I was able to see my real need of God. I pray you will be able to have a happy marriage and that your husband will wake up and see that you and the kids are his immediate family now. Mil is evidently controlling him, it's time for him to grow up and put his family first.

by
- mom_of_2_in_ny
on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:13 AM
Quoting luvmyparties:

My kids do not go with anybody that cannot stay sober for their sake (if only for an hour KWIM?) I am sorry you are going through this. It is odd that your hubby is ok with her taking them knowing that she isn't sober. Of course if that is the life he grew up in it is not shocking to him I guess. I would think that if he grew up like that he would be more inclined to keep them from people that have a problem.

I agree. Noway would my kids be going anywhere alone with her. And it is very odd that hubby is ok with it. He grew up with it is even more of a reason why he shouldn't let that happen, he of all people should know that it is soooooo not right. I hope your hubby realizes what kind of danger him and his mom are putting his children into, Good luck!