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we dont fill each others needs........

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:35 PM
  • 22 Replies

hubby said that I dont fill his needs, and I am feeling more like a roomate. I guess I don't understand his needs. But he's not ever going anywhere and me either, we love each other and want things to work but just are trying tro figure it all out still at 6 years married.. I dont think he fills my needs either but what the heck even are my needs? I dont think I know?!?! Why is it so hard to learn each other and ourselves? I dont know what to do. I dont think he will go for counseling and it's pricy too.

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CraZedSAHMof3
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:39 PM

I hear ya, I am in this situation right now....we have gone to counseling in the past and it didn't seem to help....we have different interests, I don't really know what he is talking about when he talks about his job, I am a SAHM, also do home daycare and so I am with the kids all day, I dont' ever know what to talk to him about, sometimes, honestly, when he talks to me I just get annoyed....LoL, so I know what ya mean.  I love him very much, don't get me wrong, it's just we don't seem to be on the same page anymore, not really sure if we ever were.

I really hope that you can work things out....

MommySayz
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:40 PM

you already answered your question in your post, how can he satisfy your needs if you dont know what they are? how can you satisfy his, if *gasp* you dont know what they are?

why not sit down and have an open, blunt and honest converstation about what you both would like to try and experiment in, if its a lifestyle change, a new activity for you guys to share, or something new in the bedroom.

figure it out.


ayschia_markie
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:42 PM

I'm going through this right now too.

strawberryLVR
by Gold Member on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:43 PM

I sorta know what his are, but it seems like it's never enough. He likes to cuddle etc, his "love language" is touch. But if i did that more I dont know if it would help. sigh...I just want him to be happier in our marriage.

strawberryLVR
by Gold Member on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:44 PM


Quoting CraZedSAHMof3:

I hear ya, I am in this situation right now....we have gone to counseling in the past and it didn't seem to help....we have different interests, I don't really know what he is talking about when he talks about his job, I am a SAHM, also do home daycare and so I am with the kids all day, I dont' ever know what to talk to him about, sometimes, honestly, when he talks to me I just get annoyed....LoL, so I know what ya mean.  I love him very much, don't get me wrong, it's just we don't seem to be on the same page anymore, not really sure if we ever were.

I really hope that you can work things out....

This is EXACTLY us, just do different things. he's a pilot and gone a lot and i'm here doing my thing and i do get annoyed when he talks to me. it's so sad but it's always been this way. I dont think i agree with his opinion most of the time either. I also think that he is too dramatic with everything. I wish he'd take a chill pill and enjoy stuff more.

tairakittie
by Platinum Member on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:45 PM

Well, that sucks. I understand what you mean though... only it hasnt gone that far with us yet and im almost 38 weeks preggo... so my needs are sleep and eat... he cant do either of which for me right now lol, but all jokes aside... I really do know what you mean. Its great that you still love each other and dont want to go anywhere, but what are you suppose to do right?! Hrm... how about a romantic vacation or just indivisual vacays, some time apart might make you realize just how much you want to be together.

My SO works nights and at first I really missed him being next to me in bed... now I HATE when he has nights off cause I cant sleep. He is always rolling over onto my side and getting in my way and on my nerves! I was just thinking the other night if I still loved him or not... which of course I do... I really honestly do, but sometimes it just seems like... just like you said, roomates. I dont even know if im still sexually attracted to him... but I wouldnt trade him for anything in the world.

So I guess what im saying is... I hope you figure something out before its too late and you lose eachother. And if you do figure something out... let me know so I can try and fix things before they break... 


sxybxmami
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:46 PM
I went through this too. but a month ago my hubby and i sat down for a real serious talk and we said what bothered us what we needed from the other person. We just let EVERYTHING out. And it really helped. Right now we're good we try to understand each other more and communicate more because communication was a real issue with us
mybabyapples
by Purple People Eater on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:47 PM

if i come off wrong and out of place i apologize, but maybe marriage counseling is needed before things take a bad turn. maybe a little intervention will help you both find your needs.

CraZedSAHMof3
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:51 PM

I don't always see his POV either, yes, he is very dramatic and he is not a fun person, doesn't laugh a lot, he's SUPER anal about how clean the house should be.  We have 3 children, we have never agreed on how the other parents....I think he is toooo strict and he thinks that I am not strict enough.  I don't really care about sex, well cept for the week after I finish my period but anytime after that.....uggg, stay away from me....I get so pissed that he feels he can just touch me whenever he wants or that I should just "give it up" because he feels like having sex....I hate it.

The only thing we have to talk about are the kids, when I tell him something funny that they did...he just sorta grunts a laugh and that's the extent of his enthusiasim...he is in the Army and has been deployed a lot so I have gotten used to doing things my way, I have raised all 3 of my children...so I hate when he critisizes me on how the kids are. 

Basically I get along so there are no confrontations....ya know??

lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Jul. 5, 2009 at 9:52 PM

first off you both might sit down and write out What you need from each other or want from each other.Then do a list of what made you fall in love with each other. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in the kids,work, bills we can forget what our needs and wants are.Then sit down together and say In a perfect world you would give me A B C ! In reality I will settle for A C and B on occasion.Are you willing to give me that? can You giver me that? How can I give you what you need? do you need more time together? work on finding a sitter 1 night a week for date nite.

Sad you cant talk  to each other. what did ya talk about before kids?Talk about your dreams and what you would like to build together  as a couple & with your kids.make time to be wiht him.We used to do long car rides the kids would fall asleep and we could talk.

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