Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I don't know what to do. DH won't even talk to me about it...I NEED to talk to someone about it... *Update* *Update #2*

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:19 PM
  • 82 Replies

I'm so tired of hearing, "Things will get better". Well, they're not. They're progressively getting worse. At this point, the only way they could get worse is if DH lost his job. And I have a feeling that's coming, considering they've been cutting his hours drastically and yet they just hired a new guy. I'm trying to figure out a way to come up with $350 in 4 days to keep our electricity and water from being shut off - without borrowing it from anyone. I can't ask again. I just can't.  

I'm trying so hard not to resent him. I don't want to. It's just as much my fault as his. I let him quit the jobs he's quit. The good jobs. In my defense, I felt this guilt that he was the one working at these places he hated. I mean, what right did I have to make him stay at a job he hated when he was the one who had to be there for 40 hours a week? Now, though, I look at where we are...and am kicking myself in the ass. I look at the opportunities we had and passed up because he didn't want to take them, and kick myself in the ass again. He's been offered jobs, or at least informed there were openings, and because they didn't sound appealing he wouldn't take them. Then came my guilt, and no matter how much I wanted him to I felt I couldn't MAKE him.  

My brother, who lives about two hours away, had offered to let us live in his house rent free for up to 6 months (he had just moved in with his fiance at the time) while we got on our feet last summer. His fiance even offered me a job at her practice as a receptionist. DH didn't want to go. He didn't want to be that far from his family, he didn't want to go somewhere without a job lined up first. He didn't think we'd come out ahead at all. Which I understand, but my brother had offered to help him find work, and that was why he was going to let us go rent free for so long. I was heartbroken, but it was a decision that should've been agreed on by both of us. Now, I'm thinking why in the HELL didn't we go?! 

Every suggestion I bring up to DH about possible job options get immediately shut down. No discussion, nothing. Just, "No.". Today I brought up maybe asking my brother if there was any chance his offer still stood. Not likely, since I know he has his house rented out as of now, but worth a shot I thought. He got all pouty, and then got mad when he said he didn't want to go incase 'such & such' job he applied for a few months back contacted him. When I said I didn't know what job he was talking about he got an attitude with me. End of discussion.  

I spent over an hour in the laundry room "doing laundry", aka crying. He asked what was wrong when I came out, all I could say was "What ISN'T wrong?". Nothing to say. He got in the shower and went to bed. 

I'm 35 weeks pregnant, I couldn't get a job if I wanted to. We have no money, nothing for the baby, can't pay our bills and won't be able to. We're not eligable for any kind of PA other than WIC. Worst of all, my sons 6th b-day is on Wednesday. We can't afford anything for him. If nothing else, I can be thankful he won't really know the difference (he's special needs). 

*I've calmed down a bit. I'm still not feeling fantastic by any means, but at least the sobbing has subsided! I did go ahead and send my brother an e-mail asking if the offer still stood. I'm not especially hopeful about the situation since he has someone in the house right now, but it doesn't hurt to ask. Well, ok, it hurts my pride a little, lol. But at this point, pride is low on my list of priorities. I don't think DH is going to take it well that I took it upon myself, but oh well. I've let him get away with plenty of decisions I didn't like that affected our family. So anyway, we'll see how I'm feeling tomorrow after making the rounds of asking family members for money to pay those bills, *sigh*.

*Well, I sat DH down and we talked. Surprisingly, it went really well compared to how I thought it was going to go.

He came up to me and asked what was wrong. I said it's something we needed to talk about after the kids were in bed. "Are you leaving me?". I said, "No, we just need to talk later.". We get DS in bed, and since DD was laying quietly watching cartoons I pulled him in the kitchen and flat out said, "We have to do SOMETHING and soon. We aren't making it, we're not GOING to make it, and something has to change. I have to call all of our utilities tomorrow and beg for extensions to keep our water and electricity on because we haven't been able to pay them.". He said, "I know. But I don't know what to do." I said, "For one, when I bring up suggestions, don't just say no and walk away. Talk to me about it. Second, I think if Adams (my brother) offer still stands, we should go.". And he agreed. DH asked when they got back from their honeymoon, said give them a few days to get settled and call and talk to him. I explained how it'll probably be a long shot, but why not ask. Then, he said, "Are you going to try and get me to join the Service again if that doesn't work out?". I said, "No. That is not something I would EVER try and make you do. While I do think it's an option to consider *IF* you wanted to consider it, chances are slim to none that they'd even take you with 3 dependants over the limit." (P.S. I didn't try and "get him" to join the Service, I brought it up and when he didn't seem to keen on the idea I dropped it) 

He looked at me and said, "I feel like this is my fault.". I just sat there. He goes, "You're supposed to say it's not. You're looking at me like you're thinking it's my fault.".  I said, "You know what I'm thinking? Julian's birthday is in two days...." and I just started crying.

So, more or less, he agreed to do whatever necessary. Even if he didn't like it. (I did catch him on the Marine's website, but that IS a choice that needs to be his so I didn't say anything about it)          

by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:19 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mamivon2
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:32 PM

If you want to talk you can add me as your friend and we can chat.
if that helps you in anyway

Brandy.B
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:35 PM

I don't know what to say. I know times are tough for many right now. I am lucky to say we are surviving right now. All I can say is be thankful for what you do have and that is eachother and your children. I hope everything will get better. :(

I am a breastfeeding because it is best co-sleeping when we feel like it vaccinating because I feel it's important disposable diapering because I'm too lazy to do cloth part-time working because I can't stay at home all day long online classes college student working towards a law career wife to one amazing man, mommy to a beautiful 2 year old, Madison, and a 7 month old, Isabelle and dang proud of it. I let my kids have junk food and TV sometimes, I am anti-death penalty, pro-life and a young mommy and honestly don't care you think. :) Nice to meet you.


mmnc1m
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:36 PM

First off just take a deep breath and try to relax... And second I don't have any magical spell for a quick fix but, I can listen if you need a friend... Feel free to add me...

mybabyapples
by Purple People Eater on Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:38 PM

im so sorry that your having a hard time.i don't know if your religious, but most churches offer help, financial help, for those who need it.they could also help with the things you need for your little baby on the way.i really hope things look up for you! 

lauren26805
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:42 PM

 I went threw something just like this, we looked around our house and sold everything we thought we didnt need anymore. We got a few dollars but not alot. Hunny if you need to ask your family for help do it. Your family is there for a reason. I felt the same way. I felt low of myself to ask others because the situation I was in was no ones problems but mine. but thats what family is for. I hope you can get help and keep your things together. Let you man know that he needs to step up and take what ever it is that is offered you cant be picky when you have no money. Go flip burgers if you have to as long as you and your children have food on the table.. He has to be a man and do whatever it takes to support you guys then when you are ready you do the same. i worked 2 weeks after my daughter was born very hard but I had to do it. Good luck mama

www.youravon.com/
laurenfleming 

ErikaM27
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:44 PM

Do you need formula I'll mail you some formula and baby clothes I have boy clothes.

chixgbk
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:45 PM

 

What if you take your child and bags and go to your brother? you will have a decent job hopefully that offer still stands, because really not because a bad man that doesnt see his children and wife may starve and have no home where to live, you can let this happen to your children, really you have to see whats better for your babies and go on, if he doesnt follow... you will know then what is more important for him. Sorry it may not be what you want to hear but is something that i may at least consider if i were you, 2 hours from his family? who is really his family thats bull... plus i constantly drive 5 and 8 hours to see my friends and fly 8 hours to see my family that is not an excuse...

Motherof3inNJ
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:47 PM

There's many programs that offer assistance in paying utilities. You don't have to be on PA to qualify. I would call the electric company and let them know you have a child in your house and your pregnant, and try to arrange payment plans with them. Good Luck.

sweetnsassymami
by Ruby Member on Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:47 PM

are you having a girl...I have a ton of girl stuff. msg me if you are. I'll be more than happy to send it to you.


my2stinkyboys
by on Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:47 PM

 things will get worse before they will get better, i know you dont want to hear that but i was in your shoes not too long ago.. as in three weeks ago. we were like that for 2 years, nothing got better and it seemed like it never would be. things do have a way of working themselves out. i'm sorry your husband wont be more  willing to take suggestions. i know that the salvation army helps out with bill payments. i don't know if you have already gotten extensions, but thats a thought. i know here in California you could get up to 3 extensions before they will turn your lights off. i hope things work out for you.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)