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wedding gifts for couples who live together before hand

Posted by on Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:14 PM
  • 59 Replies

Seems like we are being invited to more and more weddings where the couples have lived together before getting married.  And for each of these weddings, a registry is still made and a gift still expected.  Here are my problems with this scenario:

1) As a Christian, I believe that living together before marriage is wrong.

2)  If you've lived together for several years, own your house already, etc, you have all the stuff you need--the whole point of bridal shower gifts/wedding gifts was to help get the couple started with things for their new home.

3)  Many of these couples (in fact, all in our case) are WAY better off than we are.  We have 4 kids, 2 mortgages right now (can't sell our other house), one income, etc.  The current couple I refer to, combined, make well over $100,000/year!  That's more than DOUBLE what we make! 

Does anyone else have a problem with this?  And if so, how do you address/handle it?  I plan to get a gift and I don't MIND getting a gift, it just sort of rubs me the wrong way about a registry.  Yes, a wedding is a time to celebrate and a celebration is cause for gifts, so absolutely will we give one.  It's just, I guess I feel like the real reason for the registry and gifts got lost, KWIM? (Everyone seems to be missing the part in red...)


ETA:  The reason I mention the finances is--they have been together since h.s.  They have nice things :)  The couple happens to be good friends of my hubby's, from childhood.  And just b/c I don't agree/support they way they've done things doesn't mean I don't want to celebrate their marriage.  I was looking for some suggestions on what I could get/do etc or how others who may feel this way handle it.  I wasn't looking to get bashed for how I FEEL. 

by on Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:16 PM

#3 shouldn't really be put into this post as a reason.  Who cares how much they make? They would make the exact same amount whether they lived together first or not.  Not everyone has to be in a financial hardship to get a wedding present.

prego7386
by on Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:20 PM

then wouldn't being the friend of these immoral people and going to the wedding be condoning what they are doing? i think there is no problem then again i lived with my husband before hand and yes we had some stuff but not very nice things...mostly all his stuff form his bachelor days considering i lived with my parents up until this point.  just get them some nice champagne flutes or something.

Kays_Mama06
by on Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:21 PM

I would get them maybe a Visa giftcard with a certain amount on it.. So they can use for anything they want.

Or maybe get them couples massages.

I can see how registering for gifts would seem off to most since most couples that lived together prior to marriage have almost everything they need but there's always those other things that they'd want..

 


meandmybean
by on Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:21 PM

We lived together before getting married... We were practically married though from day one, just without the legal mumbo jumbo. We did not expect gifts because we already had everything. I say, just avoid it. Send a card...

exceptalilfish
by on Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:22 PM

if you dont like it, dont get anything and dont go. not everyone is christian and not every christian follows all the "rules"  that shouldnt mean they cant have a wedding and bridal shower like everyone else does.

meandmybean
by on Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:22 PM

I agree... Most of our stuff was crappy get by stuff from our college days.

Quoting prego7386:

then wouldn't being the friend of these immoral people and going to the wedding be condoning what they are doing? i think there is no problem then again i lived with my husband before hand and yes we had some stuff but not very nice things...mostly all his stuff form his bachelor days considering i lived with my parents up until this point.  just get them some nice champagne flutes or something.


Mommy2One881
by on Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:23 PM

Maybe if you think they are so wrong you should not go to their wedding. It is not their fault you have 4 kids and 2 mortgages.

I know I would not want someone who thinks that way about me at my wedding.

JustMe0326
by Platinum Member on Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:24 PM

 Wow. Ok....

Um I agree with a pp in that #3 should NOT matter at all...THEY aren't throwing themselves a shower are they? That's just what you do when you're going to have a shower and / or wedding. You make a registry.

If the other things bother you that much then don't participate. Personally I feel that this is an opportunity for the new couple to get NEW things. Maybe the stuff they have is all old and crappy. How do you know? It doesn't even matter. If you don't like it, don't participate.

Angelbluewingsz
by on Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:25 PM

I don't like registries to start with. I thought a gift was supposed to come from the heart.. not a list.


crwspringer
by Platinum Member on Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:26 PM
#1... not for you to judge.

#2... no... maybe they have crappy stuff and want nice stuff... or maybe there is some symbolism of these being the first items that are "theirs" not his or hers.

#3... to be honest... the registry is for shower stuff... most couples really want cash as a wedding gift (not being mean... just stating the truth)

no one said you had to break the bank to get a gift. People are usually very well keyed in on what people's financial situations are especially if they have kids... if you and your hubby gave $10 i am sure that they would appreciate it. The day is more about celebrating.
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