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I want to be phsyically violent towards my sister

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 12:34 AM
  • 8 Replies

I rarely, if ever, get these urges but she is flat out being a bitch. She's 20, severely bipolar, and has some other issues. Anyway, she gets SSI but when she went to court for it (had to fight it because they kicked her off it) they got it ordered that my MOM controlled all of her money. She doesn't understand the concept of paying bills.

Anyway, she was doing OK then this last weekend she went to another city to visit friends. (She was living about 2 hours away from my mom because it was more affordable, got kicked out of her apt, moved in with my grandma who is in the same town.) This city is near where my mom lives. (It's in Salt Lake, my mom lives in a suburb of Salt Lake City.) So a couple days ago she sends a mass text, she's decked out in all goth clothes and says something to the effect of "this is who I truly am, if you don't like it then don't talk to me". Well.. this is like the 100th time she's done this so most of us ignored her, a few texted back and said they didn't care how she dressed. I'm guessing because she didn't get the desired effect she's now calling my mom and threatening to sue her to get control over her money. (Never going to happen. Any judge with half a brain could see that she honestly shouldn't even be considered a legal adult because she also has mental comprehension issues and a fairly low IQ. My whole family think she belongs in a home, not a hospital, but not on her own either.)

My mom tells her that she can try if she like, but she doesn't think it'll happen. Well, she starts sreaming at my mom and calling her all these nasty names. My brother (who just got out of high school and still lives at home) texts me to tell me what's going on. (My mom has NO balls, I'm usually the balls in the family.) So I tell him to tell my mom to just hang up the phone and stop answering when she calls. She's just looking for attention. So my mom does it. Well, my sister leaves her 8 voicemails in 10 minutes and just keeps calling. I send her a text and tell her that if she doesn't stop calling mom I'm going to call the police on her for harrassment. She texts me back calling me a bitch and to stay out of it, this doesn't involve me. I say fine, but if I hear from mom again I'm going to call the police on her.

Well, now I get a phone call from the police asking me if I was harrassing my sister. I said no, I sent her a couple texts but that's it. This is the second time in 3 days my sister has called the police, and I think the officer was making the call because he had to. I explained to him that she had some issues and that I was really sorry that they were taking up his time. He said that's fine and let me go.

UGH!!!!!! I know this isn't her fault and that her brain is just really screwed up but sometimes I just want to pucnh her in the face!


http://www.paintedpixels.com

by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 12:34 AM
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Replies (1-8):
chiquis
by Diamond Member on Jul. 28, 2009 at 12:38 AM

I say let her control her own money. Your mom obviously can't handle her and it's not your problem really. She needs to learn consequences. Does your mom give her like an allowance?? Cause if your mom is controlling her money since she doesn't pay her bills .. then why did she get kicked out? Was it money issues or something else.

Ciuplys
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 12:40 AM

I feel that way about my family members and they don't have mental issue. Well they have never been to the DR. to find out.

Jafra_mommy
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 12:44 AM


Quoting chiquis:

I say let her control her own money. Your mom obviously can't handle her and it's not your problem really. She needs to learn consequences. Does your mom give her like an allowance?? Cause if your mom is controlling her money since she doesn't pay her bills .. then why did she get kicked out? Was it money issues or something else.

My mom pays all her bills directly, she was kicked out because she had people coming and going at all times of the night and she would fight with the 14 year old girl and her mom that lived in the other apartment.

I agree that my mom should let her control her own money, but I also understand why she doesn't. If my sister ends up broke and homeless she comes to my moms house. My step dad cannot stand her and has moved out because of my sister. My dad has absolutely nothing to do with her (she's claimed that he sexually abused her and that he used to hit her with a belt - neither of which is true). My husband won't even let her in to our house because she has a nasty habit of lying about sexual abuse. For the same reason, my brother won't let her around either. The only person that will is my grandma, but she just took off on her to stay with some random people.

Anyway... I really wish they would say she's not mentally capable enough to be on her own. But the gov't thinks she can be a functioning adult so we have no ability to put her somewhere that she could handle every day living. (Group home type setting.)


http://www.paintedpixels.com

Sirenabella
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 1:33 AM

This is a very familiar situation for me actually. The solution is fairly simple actually. Hire a Payee to handle your sister's money. You can find them through various mental health organizations, SSI, etc. Once that person is in charge of the money they will oversee the money, accounts, make sure the rent is paid. Send the money for bills to the appropriate party. As a bonus it gets your mom out of the middleman position. If your sister wants to fight about it then it won't be with her.   

youngmommy2be09
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 1:45 AM


Quoting Sirenabella:

This is a very familiar situation for me actually. The solution is fairly simple actually. Hire a Payee to handle your sister's money. You can find them through various mental health organizations, SSI, etc. Once that person is in charge of the money they will oversee the money, accounts, make sure the rent is paid. Send the money for bills to the appropriate party. As a bonus it gets your mom out of the middleman position. If your sister wants to fight about it then it won't be with her.   


I totally agree!!!

I also had a family/friend in the same situation also. SSI pays people to take care of other people who have SSI payments and cant control their own money. I'd talk to your mom about calling SS and asking that her money be handled by someone else other than her and your family for personal reasons. That person will take care of her bills, food, gas, electric, personal needs, etc. Sometimes they are even able to drive their Client (the person who gets SSI) to their doctor appts, to the store, etc. And if she comes back home to your moms house asking for a handout then call the cops and say shes trespassing.

If you've tried to get her help (meds, therapist, etc.) and she's refusing it, then she's not going to change because she simply doesnt want to. Sooner or Later she'll have a moment of clarity and get on the right track. But she's going to have to take that step herself.

 





I know this World Is So...Cold and Deceiving, But I keep my Head up...Like My nose is bleeding. - Lil Wayne- 

Natashath09
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 2:08 AM
i think the middle man idea is a good idea!

                                            <3 Proud Young Mommy

Jafra_mommy
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 2:19 AM


Quoting youngmommy2be09:


Quoting Sirenabella:

This is a very familiar situation for me actually. The solution is fairly simple actually. Hire a Payee to handle your sister's money. You can find them through various mental health organizations, SSI, etc. Once that person is in charge of the money they will oversee the money, accounts, make sure the rent is paid. Send the money for bills to the appropriate party. As a bonus it gets your mom out of the middleman position. If your sister wants to fight about it then it won't be with her.   

 


I totally agree!!!

I also had a family/friend in the same situation also. SSI pays people to take care of other people who have SSI payments and cant control their own money. I'd talk to your mom about calling SS and asking that her money be handled by someone else other than her and your family for personal reasons. That person will take care of her bills, food, gas, electric, personal needs, etc. Sometimes they are even able to drive their Client (the person who gets SSI) to their doctor appts, to the store, etc. And if she comes back home to your moms house asking for a handout then call the cops and say shes trespassing.

If you've tried to get her help (meds, therapist, etc.) and she's refusing it, then she's not going to change because she simply doesnt want to. Sooner or Later she'll have a moment of clarity and get on the right track. But she's going to have to take that step herself.

 

Thanks for the tip on someone else doing it! I'll tell my mom about it tomorrow.

She's actually on meds. She's been on several different medications but they're having a REALLY hard time finding one that works for more than a couple months.


http://www.paintedpixels.com

Caitlin10081989
by Ruby Member on Jul. 28, 2009 at 2:46 AM

Depending on the state you live in, see if your sister can take a tour of a group home. I've heard about two girls who went into a group home. They were around age 20 and they found it worked well for them. There were other girls there around there ages. They made friends, and were in a controlled environment. They were able to go to school and work when without being in a group home they would not be able to. Have someone else control her money other than your mom. If you decided to let her control her money and she ends up broke and homeless tell your mom to not allow her in the house and make sure your grandmother does not either. If she learns that there is no where to go if she becomes broke than she will learn quickly that she needs to pay her bills first and than spend money on other things that she wants. Medication usually takes a while to get on the right ones that work well for that person.

Quoting Jafra_mommy:


Quoting chiquis:

I say let her control her own money. Your mom obviously can't handle her and it's not your problem really. She needs to learn consequences. Does your mom give her like an allowance?? Cause if your mom is controlling her money since she doesn't pay her bills .. then why did she get kicked out? Was it money issues or something else.

My mom pays all her bills directly, she was kicked out because she had people coming and going at all times of the night and she would fight with the 14 year old girl and her mom that lived in the other apartment.

I agree that my mom should let her control her own money, but I also understand why she doesn't. If my sister ends up broke and homeless she comes to my moms house. My step dad cannot stand her and has moved out because of my sister. My dad has absolutely nothing to do with her (she's claimed that he sexually abused her and that he used to hit her with a belt - neither of which is true). My husband won't even let her in to our house because she has a nasty habit of lying about sexual abuse. For the same reason, my brother won't let her around either. The only person that will is my grandma, but she just took off on her to stay with some random people.

Anyway... I really wish they would say she's not mentally capable enough to be on her own. But the gov't thinks she can be a functioning adult so we have no ability to put her somewhere that she could handle every day living. (Group home type setting.)


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