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Posted by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 3:50 AM
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Talk and Grounding

Just Grounding


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My 16 y/o DD is always on the computer.Anytime me or her sister comes in the room she hides the screen or shuts it off.I knew she was hiding something,so I checked her history when she was out.When I checked it,it had her usual stuff (myspace,facebook,etc.),but with it I found 3 different chat sites and a porn site!This is the first time I've ever had computer problems with any of my kids,so I'm kinda clueless on how to handle this...I told her I checked her history and found the sites,I took her computer out of the room and she's grounded for 2 weeks (meaning no phone or going out with her friends).I feel a little "uneasy" about finding the porn site,but the chat sites are what I'm scared of.I hear about girls being raped and killed by people over the internet all the time.It's hard for me to talk to her about that,I don't really know what to say about situations like that...my question is,was I right to just take away the computer and grounding her?Or do I need to talk to her about the whole thing also?Or if I could've handled it differently,please explain!Thanks.

  

Brandie

by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 3:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
hautemama83
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 3:54 AM

Why don't you just ask her what she was doing looking at a porn site for one and for two going into chat rooms. Honestly it sounds to me like she is more curious than anything.

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SAMNMAYASMOM
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:00 AM

You need to talk to her. Make her understand, and do NOT allow her to be alone in the room w/ the computer. Make it so her sis has to be w/ her, or YOU. That's the only way to ensure she will be safe. Good luck!

Caitlin10081989
by Ruby Member on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:07 AM

I do not think you should have grounded her from the computer. I would have handled it by having a private conversation with her and talking to her about it. Ask her why she went onto the porn sites? Why did she go into the chat rooms? Don't give her the answers to answer your questions with. Let her tell you why she went to them. Investigate the chat room she went to and the porn sites she went to. Do the chat room sites have regular people in them? Does the porn site have any facts/information on sexual topics that she could have been looking for information about? Grounding her is punishing her before you know the facts and it will make her less likely to come and talk to you next time about chat rooms and sexual stuff.

HeatherMae55
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:11 AM

TALK TALK & TALK!  I remember my Mom & Dad having this talk with me about predators on the internet and I never once thought about participating. 

The porn is kind of bad, so definitely talk about that let her know it's not real, etc. 

But as for the chat sites, I'm sure you can find some news articles to show her about how kids were lured away from their homes and murdered, raped, etc. because they talked to someone on the internet.

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DomesticDoll
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:12 AM

I think maybe I wouldnt of grounded her. But obviously she felt she was doing something wrong..or why shut off the computer so fast...right?? I would try and talk to her let her know why your upset, not so much the porn like you said, but because of the dangers...and express that to her..let her know that there are allot of weirdos out there that use the Internet to lure young people and maybe she'll understand..??? Im just thinking of what I would do w/ my daughters, they arnt that old yet, 8 and 10,but I think thats what I would do. 

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Sirenabella
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:59 AM

I would have done what you did for a start, then followed it with talking, and new rules (including stricter supervision and time limits) for future computer use.

SophiaofLight
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 5:34 AM

I think you need to talk to her and find out what is going on in her life before this leads to something worse. I do talk to both of my DD's about the bad things that happen online. And even tho the oldest is almost 16, I do set parental controls and monitor who she is talking to online. And she has time limits. And if she gets to something where she is blocked because of the controls, she knows to come talk to me and explain to me why she wants something unblocked. I also do not allow the girls to have a Facebook or My Space account yet. They are pretty sharp tho. Their cousin ran off with some guy she met online and it turned out really bad. She was 18 but still in high school, didn't finish, ran away with him. Then she found out he was an abusive druggie. And she was raised in a good home with responsible parents but it started with a My Space account. So really bad things can happen and teens are just so taken in with lies sometimes.  

brandieevans_6
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:41 PM

That's mostly why I grounded her....she was apparently doing something wrong on there,I don't know what she was doing or what she chatted about,but knowing her if it wasn't a huge deal she would've told me she was on chat rooms in the first place...she always hides when she's doing something bad.

Quoting DomesticDoll:

I think maybe I wouldnt of grounded her. But obviously she felt she was doing something wrong..or why shut off the computer so fast...right?? I would try and talk to her let her know why your upset, not so much the porn like you said, but because of the dangers...and express that to her..let her know that there are allot of weirdos out there that use the Internet to lure young people and maybe she'll understand..??? Im just thinking of what I would do w/ my daughters, they arnt that old yet, 8 and 10,but I think thats what I would do. 


brandieevans_6
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:43 PM


Quoting SophiaofLight:

I think you need to talk to her and find out what is going on in her life before this leads to something worse. I do talk to both of my DD's about the bad things that happen online. And even tho the oldest is almost 16, I do set parental controls and monitor who she is talking to online. And she has time limits. And if she gets to something where she is blocked because of the controls, she knows to come talk to me and explain to me why she wants something unblocked. I also do not allow the girls to have a Facebook or My Space account yet. They are pretty sharp tho. Their cousin ran off with some guy she met online and it turned out really bad. She was 18 but still in high school, didn't finish, ran away with him. Then she found out he was an abusive druggie. And she was raised in a good home with responsible parents but it started with a My Space account. So really bad things can happen and teens are just so taken in with lies sometimes.  

I have a niece that was raped last year by someone she met on Myspace....I don't have much to worry about her Facebook and Myspace though,I also have a page and I have all her passwords...I check and monitor it every week.

lizzie_ann
by Bronze Member on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:47 PM

Punishments mean nothing if there isn't an explanation to back them up.

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