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telling children about death? advice??

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 8:51 AM
  • 19 Replies

Our 6yr old keeps asking me "mom,are you going to get old? the first time we answered we said well yeah every one gets old. SHE FREAKED OUTand started crying. she said "i dont want you to get old and die." we told her "thats what every one does its part of life you live you get old you die and you go to heaven with jesus." WELL she sure didnt like that answer and she started crying that she didnt want me to get old and die and so i recanted, "okay i wont get old i will stay young forever." i told her. well she keeps asking "mom are you going to get old?" and now i tell her "no" and she says "never" and i say "nope i am going to live forever." she changes subject and moves on.

She will ask "if daddy will get old and die" and now i tell her "NOPE he will live forever too", and yesterday she asked about the dog and her sister. and i told her nope live forever. i hate to lie to her but i am not sure what else to do, i told her yesterday that i will get old when she is 80 and then i counted from 6-80 and i said "SEE THATS A LONG TIME AWAY, so dont worry." omg did she start worrying, "i dont want you to get old i dont want you to die i want you to stay young."  and i said "okay i was just kidding i will stay young forever" and she said "even when i am 80? "i said "yeah sure why not"....this is starting to get old and annoying cause she askes me almost every day. i am not so sure why my 6yr old is soo worried about me getting old and this obsession with death but its starting to get annoying!

any advice? does any one else have kids who do this? i dont want to get replys that tell me i am terriable for not telling her the truth i already know that, i dont like to lie to her to begin with it was the only thing i could tell her to get her to stop crying.

by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 8:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mnmsmom2008
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 8:58 AM

I was like that when I was little. I used to cry before I went to sleep a lot cuz I was worried my mom was going to die.  Don't ask me why, cuz I have no idea.  LOl  I must have gottenover it at some point. 

ArmyWife_MomX2
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 9:07 AM

i wish this was just at bed time, no she will do it random times in the day yesterday she asked about me with breakfast and then asked about the dog before we took her to the vet to remove her staples( we had her spayed 2wks ago). just randomly....i was thinking maybe there was a common element to when she asked nope nothing....

Quoting mnmsmom2008:

I was like that when I was little. I used to cry before I went to sleep a lot cuz I was worried my mom was going to die.  Don't ask me why, cuz I have no idea.  LOl  I must have gottenover it at some point. 

 

ALLYMAMA1105
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 9:13 AM

 My ds went thru it too when he was about 5 or 6. we didnt lie to him tho. i jsut told him the truth. we have had a lot of death in my family and laying to him that ppl would live forever wouldnt have worked in my situation. plus she is going to know sooner or later. if you keep telling her that she will keep asking and things wont change. i jus ttold him that it was how things would be and there isnt anything we can do but have alot of fun and love each other when we are a live and then we would see each other again in heaven.

kajnlady28
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 9:16 AM

 

Has someone close to her died recently. my mother in law passed away when my older son was 3 and he was tramatized. he did the same thing she is doing except sometimes he would tell us certain people were going to die but we got some books from a local library. It took him a while maybe try to change the subject and keep things light.

StephanieC86
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 9:17 AM
I STILL worry about my mom dieng, and i stress about it daily, and cry. My son is 5 and knows everyone dies, and he doesnt WANT any of us to die, but he understands its part of living. I am 22 and still worry about this with my mother though. I guess she will just grow up and see your still alive, thats what i did.
ArmyWife_MomX2
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 9:18 AM

not really, my moms dog got out and got eaten by coyotes about a yr ago and we told her the truth about death, you know that it happens and that the doggie was in heaven and that the dog wasnt taken care of thats how she got out and got eaten. she freaks about our dog going out and ALWAYS makes sure the dog has a leash but other then that no one has died. if some one had i would think thats what this is from.

Quoting kajnlady28:

 

Has someone close to her died recently. my mother in law passed away when my older son was 3 and he was tramatized. he did the same thing she is doing except sometimes he would tell us certain people were going to die but we got some books from a local library. It took him a while maybe try to change the subject and keep things light.


ArmyWife_MomX2
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 9:20 AM

oh gee telling the truth what a novel idea....oh wait I DID TELL HER THE TRUTH!! she broke down sobbing uncontrollable and wouldnt stop crying even AFTER i recanted and told her i would live forever....gee maybe i should have just never recanted and she would just burst into tears crying everyday all day long!

Quoting ALLYMAMA1105:

 My ds went thru it too when he was about 5 or 6. we didnt lie to him tho. i jsut told him the truth. we have had a lot of death in my family and laying to him that ppl would live forever wouldnt have worked in my situation. plus she is going to know sooner or later. if you keep telling her that she will keep asking and things wont change. i jus ttold him that it was how things would be and there isnt anything we can do but have alot of fun and love each other when we are a live and then we would see each other again in heaven.


careyw77
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 9:26 AM

My 6yr old DS..has had questions similar...my mom passed away when he was three. I just tell him  that at some point in life we will die.But noone but god knows when its time that he needs you in heaven. He has many questions about heaven ,God etc...thankgoodness he has a godmother who is a christian to answer questions that im not able to. He asks also if he will live forever..I tell him noone can live forever but we will see each other again in heaven..he seems good with my answers.

Although my niece had a hard time after my mom passed..crying about losing everyone she knew..mom dad especially..she did get over it..its just alot of reassuring that this does happen but we will meet them again. I try not to sugar coat when the serious questions come up hurts them in the long run. 

Tracy67
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 9:32 AM

My little boy is 5 and he does the same thing. He asks if we are going to get old and he has cried about it. He will say I wanna be little forever. He says he doesn't want to grow up. We recently lost two family members within about 8 months of each other. He always would ask if they were going to be alive again. We just  tell him the truth and he does cry sometimes, but I think the truth is better. I'm not gonna judge you though mama! It's hard  to see their little tears without doing something about it, right? I will say though that the questions are beginning to die down and he is beginning to accept death as a natural part of life.

lovinhurts88
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 9:36 AM

Does she have a grandma or grandpa that you could point out as being old to her.  That is what we did with my exes daughter when she worried about getting old.  We pointed out that "Grandma is old, and she is still happy and can still play with you."  Another thing with the death part my she was worried about was the seperation.  She looked at it as we were going away forever and she would never see us again.  We explained that we would go to heaven and then later she would come to heaven and see us again, and that once we got to heaven we would all be together forever, that seemed to calm her down for about it.  There are also some really good children's books out there that you could try reading to her about it.  Have you tried asking her why she is so worried about it?  Whatever you do DO NOT TELL HER IT IS LIKE TAKING A REALLY LONG NAP OR GOING TO SLEEP!!!!  I had a friend make that mistake and now her children are afraid that if they go to sleep they won't wake up just like great-grandpa!

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