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I'm just one big walking disappointment *vent*

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 3:07 PM
  • 9 Replies

I don't know why my grandparents can't just except me for who I am!!!! It's like they have been disappointed in me since I became pregnant at 17. No matter what I do it's never enough to please them or make them happy with me.

Yes I've made bad choices but they have shaped the person I am today and I refuse to tell them they are mistakes. the good things I've done and still do far outweigh the bad choices I've made in the past.

Yea I was pregnant at 17 but I had my child. I had another at 19 OMG!!! And another at 23 and 25!! I take care of all of them. Yes I've been divorced twice. I've been a single working mother struggling to take care of my kids, but we were happy.

I have not recieved any help from my family or the government in 5 years. I've never done drugs, never smoked and don't drink. I'm going to college now and paying for it myself. Never have I abandoned my children harmed them or put them in dangers way. But it's still not good enough!!!

I'm tired of trying I just don't care anymore. Part of me just wants to say if you can't except me for things I've done in the past then you don't deserve to have me in your lives now. But I have more respect for them than to do that. I just don't understand. Why are some people like this?!?

Sorry for the vent....I don't usually do that but it felt good.

 

by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 3:07 PM
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Replies (1-9):
mommasbabies77
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 3:24 PM

hugs


brandithesuperm
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 3:39 PM

Thanks

Quoting mommasbabies77:

hugs


insomnia
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 3:43 PM

Well put. Maybe you should tell them that. Respect is a two way street so to speak.


Michelle2080
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 3:47 PM

My advice is to quit worrying about everyone else. Sounds like you made some "not so good" life choices in the past and you own them. YOu take responsbility for them and that is the best thing you can do for yourself.  You are doing a great job, you are supporting your children, you are attending school and that's all the right things to do. Start living your life for you, if you are happy with where you are at than that is good enough.  Ultimately you have to live with yourself. You will either impress the people around you or they won't care.  Either way, you know you are doing the best you can and THAT is something to be happy about!

brandithesuperm
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 3:55 PM

Your right...I'm finally at a point in my life where I am happy. I've always been happy...but I mean it's a different happy. I feel like I have it all or I have my "perfect" life. It's just hard to see my grandparents still think I'm nothing. I still get the negative remarks like you'll never finish college you'll never make it to law school. You have to many kids to succeed in life now. I've longed for there approval for along time. I can't remember a time they were happy with me besides when I was a small child. It just hurts coming from family.

Quoting Michelle2080:

My advice is to quit worrying about everyone else. Sounds like you made some "not so good" life choices in the past and you own them. YOu take responsbility for them and that is the best thing you can do for yourself.  You are doing a great job, you are supporting your children, you are attending school and that's all the right things to do. Start living your life for you, if you are happy with where you are at than that is good enough.  Ultimately you have to live with yourself. You will either impress the people around you or they won't care.  Either way, you know you are doing the best you can and THAT is something to be happy about!


scootermom
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:03 PM


Quoting Michelle2080:

My advice is to quit worrying about everyone else. Sounds like you made some "not so good" life choices in the past and you own them. YOu take responsbility for them and that is the best thing you can do for yourself.  You are doing a great job, you are supporting your children, you are attending school and that's all the right things to do. Start living your life for you, if you are happy with where you are at than that is good enough.  Ultimately you have to live with yourself. You will either impress the people around you or they won't care.  Either way, you know you are doing the best you can and THAT is something to be happy about!


Agreed.  If your grandparents can't accept you for who you are than just ignore them, by the sound of it that's their loss, not yours.

Ms.Upinyourface
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 4:13 PM

The changes that have happened over these generations are one thing, and some other things just remain the same.

Misogynous is the most challenging condition that women are confronting all the time! And it is terrible for women. On one hand, there is the false belief that a girl who is kept in the dark about life facts is helped by the imposition of blind ignorance otherwise she might go, oh for lack of another word, Ferrel, if she is not dumb as dirt when her body matures befor she does and she is then not prepared to differentiate between how her increased estrogen level and the effect of pheromones has on her perception of males. Then she has these overwhelming "feelings" that are as biological as the effect of the sun in photosynthesis and here we go AGAIN she is pregnant with child number one because she was not seriously prepared not to do that in a real way.

I am very glade that you have mustered the personal fortitude to go through all you have and are now able to achieve the education that you do need to manifest the quality of life for you, your children, and your grandchildren and then your great grand children.

Try to think of your grandparents in the context of their own lives, rather than in terms of yours. And be ready to see your own descendants honestly in the context of their lives as well.

Maybe your grandparents did not have to make the choices that many in their era did, like oh, giving children away after the dust bowl(mid west) in San Fransisco to strangers...imagine how that felt to those parents...wow, or having to work in a factory and leave your children to fend for themselves in an apartment ? Or having your family members taken away to live in boarding schools because of the prejudice and greed of non-native authority over how life "should" be lived.

Arriving at Elis Island with three small children and no English, that is one of my friends grandmothers story.

Maybe you need to spend more time learning about the family history that your grandparents know and you do not.

Sure the twice divorced mother with four children is a concern for grandparents. Especially if the men in your life are dweebes. But LOTS of the men are so selfish and indifferent to their wives and children, and even less so towards those women they could care even less about that those men make children with...It is an impatience that is so pandemic that doing what is needed for family is not the central concern.

It is a global truth. It is a historic reality. And you are doing what women do do. They survive it.

Making lemonaide.

We are not living in fairy stories. And when the story of human history is told from the eyes of women it has the needs of the children in it. And those needs are first and for most the love of a mother.

If you have got that, you have the world at your feet, the sun on your face and the ever changing moon over head.

Stay with what is true. You are doing this thing called life. Salute.

brandithesuperm
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 9:39 PM

I see what you are saying. But alot of the things they say are like deeply rooted hatred towards me or something. I really don't know. I do know alot of our family history. I've sat and wrote down stories as they have told them to me.

My grandparents ran off and eloped when they were 16. They had my mother at 18. They didn't finish school but they did go to college and had nice careers.

And I'm the only one of the grandchildren they target and I am not the worst grandchild by far. It's just the other one tell them off and refuse to go over there any more.

I'm just tired of it. I'm not even judged this harshly by other people. My mother used to be like them to an extent. But she has appologized for the way she used to be towards me and we get along great now.

I've longed for there approval for along time now, but I don't guess it'll come anytime soon.

Quoting Ms.Upinyourface:

The changes that have happened over these generations are one thing, and some other things just remain the same.

Misogynous is the most challenging condition that women are confronting all the time! And it is terrible for women. On one hand, there is the false belief that a girl who is kept in the dark about life facts is helped by the imposition of blind ignorance otherwise she might go, oh for lack of another word, Ferrel, if she is not dumb as dirt when her body matures befor she does and she is then not prepared to differentiate between how her increased estrogen level and the effect of pheromones has on her perception of males. Then she has these overwhelming "feelings" that are as biological as the effect of the sun in photosynthesis and here we go AGAIN she is pregnant with child number one because she was not seriously prepared not to do that in a real way.

I am very glade that you have mustered the personal fortitude to go through all you have and are now able to achieve the education that you do need to manifest the quality of life for you, your children, and your grandchildren and then your great grand children.

Try to think of your grandparents in the context of their own lives, rather than in terms of yours. And be ready to see your own descendants honestly in the context of their lives as well.

Maybe your grandparents did not have to make the choices that many in their era did, like oh, giving children away after the dust bowl(mid west) in San Fransisco to strangers...imagine how that felt to those parents...wow, or having to work in a factory and leave your children to fend for themselves in an apartment ? Or having your family members taken away to live in boarding schools because of the prejudice and greed of non-native authority over how life "should" be lived.

Arriving at Elis Island with three small children and no English, that is one of my friends grandmothers story.

Maybe you need to spend more time learning about the family history that your grandparents know and you do not.

Sure the twice divorced mother with four children is a concern for grandparents. Especially if the men in your life are dweebes. But LOTS of the men are so selfish and indifferent to their wives and children, and even less so towards those women they could care even less about that those men make children with...It is an impatience that is so pandemic that doing what is needed for family is not the central concern.

It is a global truth. It is a historic reality. And you are doing what women do do. They survive it.

Making lemonaide.

We are not living in fairy stories. And when the story of human history is told from the eyes of women it has the needs of the children in it. And those needs are first and for most the love of a mother.

If you have got that, you have the world at your feet, the sun on your face and the ever changing moon over head.

Stay with what is true. You are doing this thing called life. Salute.


Ms.Upinyourface
by on Jul. 29, 2009 at 5:47 AM

Maybe make more friends who are in the generation and let them be your admirers. I do know what you are saying. I grew up saying I had two evil grandmothers.

Both of them sweetened up in their elder years, and that was special for me because as soon as they were not hurting me all the time I could love them without any of that hurt, you know?

And I have had wonderful friends who were older, their ages, and such warm friends. One in particular who said to me "what can I ever do for you?" And I said "Be my friend forever!" And then she said "Oh, of course I will."

Also being the scapegoat in a family is a sad predicament, and in my family my sister and I took turns on that position. I think it was easier for me than my sister. But she was the one who cut off the relationship with the family first. Eventually I did that as well for about ten years. Since then the relationships are better, and part of that is that I no longer need that from them, whatever it was that I thought I did. Although my Grandmother did slice me up with her words , as usual, and I was speechless...barely able to breathe, in fact.  It took me about one day to recover after. And what did I ever do that was so terrible? Oh, nothing really. Not in trouble, old first time mother...one of the benefits of waiting is that everyone becomes just Thank God grateful when the older first time Mom kicks down a Grandchild and great grandchild. You could have your baby with anyone, a drunk on the street, anybody and the family is just delighted.

My point is to really give your story perspective. And be clear as you can with yourself. Things have a way of ironing out , while often many of the same things stay the same.

One of my friends my Moms age told me that her Japan born mother said she was "wild". So hearing that my question was "well, what did you do that was so wild" ....with visions of drinking and cavorting with wild men but the answer was...: "nothing". for the first Japan descendant born in the US just not having all that cultural training makes the American Japanese "wild". She married into a good family...same race, culture ect...but was that good enough...nooooo.

Find the light in you and just shine it.

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