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Was I too harsh-letter to my DH

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:02 PM
  • 19 Replies

Ok so before you all judge me please know that i have tried to have this conversation with him many times but he always makes a huge deal and leaves the room. I sent this e-mail to my DH just now so he will read it before work tomorrow, What do you thin, was i too harsh

Ok so i have to go pick up a friend at the Airport but i will be back in about an hour for all of you comments

I am back now, most of you ladies who have replied have had very constructive things to say, Thank you

 

Ok so i don't want you to take this all the wrong way, but what the hell is your problem latley? I mean it seems like the past few months have just been miserable for you. You seem so angry about everything. You have not gone one day without being upset or angry at both me and Kailey. I know that things are hard here, living with my family, but seriously! I can not take you acting like this. We are having another baby in a few months and i can't handle you continuing to act like this. I know that i have been a little edgy lately but you have to admit that you have been too. I need to know if you are not happy with me. I need to know now if you want to leave. I want you here, of course but i need things to change. You have been yelling at Kailey, or sending her to her room, or giving her time-outs, or setting boundries that a 2 year old can not handle. I know that you do not have alot of experience with children and i know that she is advanced for her age but this is not a good way to handle her and it has got to stop. I have tried to talk to you about this stuff before, but everytime i bring it up you jump all over me and say that i am calling you a bad dad. You are a wonderful dad but things have been going down hill lately. I want to help with this but i am out of ideas. What can i do? Do you even want all of this? I know that you are excited abou tthis new baby but i can't help but think that it is going to add more stress to your life. I am more worried about you than myself. I have been so overwhelmed with all of this that i am not sleepy and i feel like i need to walk on egg shells around you. I feel like i need to keep Kailey quiet and happy so that she does not upset you. I am sorry that this all sounds so harsh but i needed to get this off of my chest. I hope that we can have an adult conversation about this when you are ready
 
                           I Love you!

Lilypie

Pregnancy ticker
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
EtiesMommy
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:07 PM

Yes I feel that is way too harsh. You are attacking and berating him through the whole thing. And my son just turned 3 and he gets put in his room on his bed when he has a tantrum, gets set in time out when he refuses to listen and he has many boundaries as to what he can get in to or do. If you don't want him disciplining her this way, how do you expect him to discipline her?

momma2-3boys
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:08 PM


Quoting AFWifeNMom:

Ok so before you all judge me please know that i have tried to have this conversation with him many times but he always makes a huge deal and leaves the room. I sent this e-mail to my DH just now so he will read it before work tomorrow, What do you thin, was i too harsh


Ok so i don't want you to take this all the wrong way, but what the hell is your problem latley? I mean it seems like the past few months have just been miserable for you. You seem so angry about everything. You have not gone one day without being upset or angry at both me and Kailey. I know that things are hard here, living with my family, but seriously! I can not take you acting like this. We are having another baby in a few months and i can't handle you continuing to act like this. I know that i have been a little edgy lately but you have to admit that you have been too. I need to know if you are not happy with me. I need to know now if you want to leave. I want you here, of course but i need things to change. You have been yelling at Kailey, or sending her to her room, or giving her time-outs, or setting boundries that a 2 year old can not handle. I know that you do not have alot of experience with children and i know that she is advanced for her age but this is not a good way to handle her and it has got to stop. I have tried to talk to you about this stuff before, but everytime i bring it up you jump all over me and say that i am calling you a bad dad. You are a wonderful dad but things have been going down hill lately. I want to help with this but i am out of ideas. What can i do? Do you even want all of this? I know that you are excited abou tthis new baby but i can't help but think that it is going to add more stress to your life. I am more worried about you than myself. I have been so overwhelmed with all of this that i am not sleepy and i feel like i need to walk on egg shells around you. I feel like i need to keep Kailey quiet and happy so that she does not upset you. I am sorry that this all sounds so harsh but i needed to get this off of my chest. I hope that we can have an adult conversation about this when you are ready
 
                           I Love you!

I think the letter is great, and it lets you say all you want to say and need to say as well.  The part I highlighted in red...  I think time outs and setting boundaries are GREAT for a 2 year old!  I would maybe take that part out as you are criticizing his parenting skills and you can talk to him about that when you discuss the letter.  Also is living with family permanent or just for now type thing?  That really can add a lot of stress on the non-family member!

When are you giving him the letter? 


Billie_Bush
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:08 PM

I think its good your getting out how you feel, even if it has to be in a letter, sometimes people cant really say what that want to face to face... maybe hell write you back and tell you wants really going on with him...

good luck.

AFWifeNMom
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:10 PM

I am fine with him disiplining her but he screams at her ALL the time, from the time that her gets home until he sends her to bed at 6:00 for throwing her ball in her room. I have talked to im but nothing changes

Quoting EtiesMommy:

Yes I feel that is way too harsh. You are attacking and berating him through the whole thing. And my son just turned 3 and he gets put in his room on his bed when he has a tantrum, gets set in time out when he refuses to listen and he has many boundaries as to what he can get in to or do. If you don't want him disciplining her this way, how do you expect him to discipline her?


Lilypie

Pregnancy ticker
lalala09
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:12 PM

I don't feel that, that is too harsh. You are just being honest and he won't listen when you try talking to him. It's hurting you, your daughter, your unborn baby with added stress and your relationship. I've been in that spot too and it's hard but being honest is the best thing I think. If he won't listen what are you supposed to do? I've done that before and I think it made my dh realize what he was doing cos he wasn't really listening. He ignored it he doesn't like hearing that he is doing something wrong but for my dh and I, this is the only thing that worked. Hope all works out for you in the end.

mdwright4
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:17 PM

I thought it sounded fine but guys take everything to the ass bc they ASS-U-ME we are really being bitchy even when we aren't.

good luck

miss_milf
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:25 PM

at least your getting a chance to vent....and theres no yelling involved in a letter..shouting.there has been a couple times when i did the same thing...and i felt sooo much better after hitting the send button...even though mine were silly things that irritated me due to prego hormones he was aware an did what he could to help

cdgoldilocks
by Gold Member on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:27 PM

Honestly? It is harsh. Let me translate this from english to man:

You suck. Blah blah blah. You can't do anything right blah blah blah. How can you not be happy here, living with my family? And look, here is a new way I can nag you. Not only do I nag you at home, but now I can nag you at work! Yay for internet! (I am not saying this is how I feel, I am saying this is how men would probably read your letter)

I wish I knew a way to translate from english to man that actually made men listen, but I don't. Maybe counseling would help. Men suck sometimes.

2egbhgx.jpg Eleanor Roosevelt image by whatadollx3


A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you have. -Barry Goldwater

mrwinget
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:27 PM

 I think the letter sounds fine and I hope he responds to it because something obviously has to be done. Your little one is only 2 years old for Pete's sake. He shouldn't be acting like that with her. She can't comprehend what exactly is going on with you two but she senses that things are not right so she may be acting especially bad due to that. He needs to cool it.

Marnieangel mini

MaddiesMaMa418
by on Jul. 28, 2009 at 11:29 PM

My husband says you're right.

Quoting cdgoldilocks:

Honestly? It is harsh. Let me translate this from english to man:

You suck. Blah blah blah. You can't do anything right blah blah blah. How can you not be happy here, living with my family? And look, here is a new way I can nag you. Not only do I nag you at home, but now I can nag you at work! Yay for internet! (I am not saying this is how I feel, I am saying this is how men would probably read your letter)

I wish I knew a way to translate from english to man that actually made men listen, but I don't. Maybe counseling would help. Men suck sometimes.




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