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show off your angel babies or tell your angel baby story (( pics)) May upset some

Most of the time moms with angels dont get to show them off or mention much about them, so I thought I would start a post just for us mamas with angels.

 

My daughter Nicole Marie was born at 27 weeks, after a drunk driver hit us. She was born on 1-3-06 and lived one week to 1-11-06 I never got to hold her till after she passed. Her little heart just couldnt do it.   I have everything that happened in a journal post. But here is my baby girl

 

 http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/1516286/my_Lil_Nicole_RIP_baby_girl_How_drunk_driving_affected_me

Feel free to share   your story

 

I wanted to let you mommys know that lilypie.com now has memorial tickers

 

 

  

by on Aug. 22, 2009 at 1:29 AM
Replies (31-40):
sara_3388
by Platinum Member on Aug. 22, 2009 at 2:23 AM

I love the idea about putting the urn in the make a bear...thats so sweet and i never thought of that. As of right now i can't even afford to get her an urn...i feel so horrible. The first one i got for her was to small for her ashes :(

Quoting Arianna:

 

Quoting 1hotmama7:

 i fucking hate drunk drivers,    so sorry for you loss.     sry for swearing...

i lost  a baby  1 day short of 16 wks  aug 5 of 2004 {ny law  16 wks and over you have to burry the baby}     i was at the park with my kids and xhubby at the time,  i wasnt running around or doing anything,   and all of a sudden i had terrible pain  and  felt a gush,  covered in blood,   drove  to the closest hospital,  i went in crying and bleeding like crazy, they told me to sit and wait.   i turned around  went out side  and called 911  went to another hospital,   i kept passing out in the ambulance,   so im in the room with the nurse   and asking whats happening,  she says she will be right back, i begged her not to leave,   and i felt like i had to push a lil and my baby came out....     i held my lil boy in my hands  and wouldnt let go.  the docs tryed to take him from me and i wouldnt  let them.    they wouldnt let me burry my baby boy   because i wasnt 16 wks...   they just thru  his lil body away   with the medical waste...    they had the chapplen and some social worker people come and talk with me.    I know my lil scott matthew  is up there watching over our family...  and even tho i didnt know him i love him....

sry that was kinda long....    i have to go cry now....  so sry again for your loss...

 

I am so sorry that you did not get to bury your little one.  I know EXACTLY what you are speaking of with this...it is one of the most ridiculous laws on the books, and one of the most unfair to grieving mothers who wish to bury their child.

When I found out on Sonogram that my Andy had died at 10 weeks, they told me that if I went in for the D&C that I would not be allowed to have him, because he would get sent to pathology for testing.  They were all rude and obnoxious and acting like I was a nut for even questioning their "Authority".  So I told them to F' Off, I would do it myself.  I ended up waiting just over two weeks for a natural miscarriage, and had him at home with my husband helping me.

I was one of the lucky ones.  So many other mothers have no closure because their children are whisked away by these doctors who use them for testing and then toss them like trash.  It is sick!

two of the sweetest farewells I have known of though, for mom's whose children were older gestations when they passed were:

1. A mom had her child cremated, and carries the ashes around in a heart shaped necklace urn, specifically designed for infant loss.

2.  A mom had her child cremated, and put the ashes in their urn, and then put the urn inside of one of those make a bears...so that the mom can cuddle the bear when she sleeps, holding her child close.

It truly is a sisterhood.

Arianna


TwinDaze
by on Aug. 22, 2009 at 2:28 AM

I'm sorry for all of your losses, Mamma's.  I lost my first set of twins at 9 wks 3yrs ago.  To this day I still think about the what ifs.  {{{HUGS}}} to all of you.

Tygermommanikki
by on Aug. 22, 2009 at 2:30 AM


I don't have an actual picture only the graphics above that a freind made me .

I was 8 weeks and found out on December 19, 2006 and lost "her"  on December 22,2006  Christmas was so hard that year as i was still bleeding heavily on Christmas day.

I honestly look back and see pictures of that holiday and wonder how I managed to pull it off so well I cooked for 12 and had my god daughter and my boys were small and NONE of them knew any thing was wrong with me.. My hubby dud and my god daughters parents did and my mil but only two people and one was my hubby even acted like I was right for feeling lost and emotional over my loss. Everyone else said oh well there was something wrong (SO !!) or you couldn't have handled 3 ( I was doing just fine raising my sons and god daughter! ) or It wasn't meant to be (then y did I get preg in first place) You can always have more ( really it's nearly 3 years and no luck and NOT for a lack of a love life).....

Sorry to all of those who have suffered losses and our angels don't only live in heaven they live in our hearts for the rest of our lives on earth and are our / our living children's guardian angels.


I am Tygermommanikki. A 27 year old happily married woman. I have two beautiful special needs sons and one baby watching me from heaven. I am not one who can summarize my parenting style or myself in a paragraph so if you really wanna know me introduce yourself and we will see where it goes. And if you don't the "paragraph siggy's" why again are you reading this?


Arianna
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2009 at 2:31 AM


Quoting de_sly:


Quoting Arianna:

My AndyBear...natural miscarriage, chosen by me, so that I could bury him.  10 weeks gestation...Died around July 28th, 2005...miscarried on August 15th, 2005.  Buried under our wedding tree in a corsage box with a Boyd's bear, a mother's poem card, a wallet size pic of my husband, myself, and our living son, and a Dora the Explorer cookie....

Arianna

i remember i read somewhere that someone told you that you were sick for having pics of your lost child. and really i find this beautiful. i have lost but i was only 2 weeks along. and if i ever lost my baby farther along i would to a natural miscarry to just so i can see what i loved soomuch. this picture is just so nice to me, i cant believe that they wont let you bury the young ones and they just wanna toss them away.

what you have is beautiful and worth so much


Thank you...I appreciate that!  I am sorry for your loss as well...it doesn't matter how far along we are when we lose them, the loss is keen and heart breaking!

I had no clue, until I lost Andy, that there were even laws on the books about an age limit on getting the children back.  I always assumed that if you requested to get them, that you would be allowed to.  Not so.  In most states, if they are under 16 or 18 weeks gestation, you have absolutely no rights to them if you go in to the doctors to have a D & C or if you go to the hospital and have the miscarriage there.  They literally take them to test on them for other things not even necessarily related to the reasons they were lost.

The doctors, too, often have no bedside manner when it comes to this as well.  my doctor acted aggrievated with me for even suggesting that she would not be allowed to perform a D & C.  The D & C was the only option that they gave me.  I called all the hospital in my area, and also other regular OBGYN docs, and got the same cold replies.  One of them even described to me the procedure of testing on them, as a way to explain why there would be nothing left to bury even if they were allowed to give him to me for burial.

The only person I came across with any sympathy in the medical world was a local midwife.  She talked to me for those  two weeks for a total of about 2 hours, coaching me on warning signs to watch for, how to do the natural miscarriage, websites to get info on, grief groups, etc.  I wasn't even her patient, yet she was a guardian angel to me.

I got pictures and video of him, not because I am sick and twisted..as some CM Moms have suggested in the past...but because I wanted something...anything...as tangible proof of his existance.  I wanted more than just a memory.  Those bits of film and digital images are all there are.  For some moms, they do not understand what it is like to know you will never get that first professional picture of them....you will never get those birthday cake shots, the school pictures, the dance recital videos.  Pictures for some, are a godsend.

Now, every year on our anniversary...since we were married...we have always gotten pictures of us with our wedding tree.  As we have added to the family...my living son has been in all of them from the year of his birth.  When Andy died, we made a make a bear in his memory, and we have that bear in all our anniversary pictures as well as any family photos we get taken.  My family and inlaws do not understand this.  They believe that I am loopy and haven't let go because I have this bear in pictures.  They do not understand that it is not that  I believe the bear is him..I have it, because for me, that bear is a representation of a life I never want to forget....one that exists in my heart even though his physical body is not here..

Blessings to all the angel moms,

Arianna

Mommy, Wife, Homeschooler, Director of Religious Education, and Earth Religions Practitioner.


Arianna
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2009 at 2:33 AM


Quoting Pooky0815:

My name is arianna too and my birthday is aug 15 thats alot in common his birthday just passed andy will always be in my prayers on my birthday

Quoting de_sly:


Quoting Arianna:

My AndyBear...natural miscarriage, chosen by me, so that I could bury him.  10 weeks gestation...Died around July 28th, 2005...miscarried on August 15th, 2005.  Buried under our wedding tree in a corsage box with a Boyd's bear, a mother's poem card, a wallet size pic of my husband, myself, and our living son, and a Dora the Explorer cookie....

Arianna

i remember i read somewhere that someone told you that you were sick for having pics of your lost child. and really i find this beautiful. i have lost but i was only 2 weeks along. and if i ever lost my baby farther along i would to a natural miscarry to just so i can see what i loved soomuch. this picture is just so nice to me, i cant believe that they wont let you bury the young ones and they just wanna toss them away.

what you have is beautiful and worth so much


awww thank you very much...that was soo sweet!!!  Arianna is actually the name I wish I had...my real mundane world name is jenny.  Nice to meet you.

Arianna

Mommy, Wife, Homeschooler, Director of Religious Education, and Earth Religions Practitioner.


Arianna
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2009 at 2:37 AM


Quoting sara_3388:

I love the idea about putting the urn in the make a bear...thats so sweet and i never thought of that. As of right now i can't even afford to get her an urn...i feel so horrible. The first one i got for her was to small for her ashes :(

Quoting Arianna:


2.  A mom had her child cremated, and put the ashes in their urn, and then put the urn inside of one of those make a bears...so that the mom can cuddle the bear when she sleeps, holding her child close.

It truly is a sisterhood.

Arianna


Oh my goodness....that is soo sad.  What do you have her in currently?  Can you make payments on one?  Let  me know your budget...I could see if I could find something on line somewhere for you to look into.  I wouldn't mind doing some research, if I know the perameters of your need.

Let  me know,

Arianna

Mommy, Wife, Homeschooler, Director of Religious Education, and Earth Religions Practitioner.


Arianna
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2009 at 2:44 AM

One of the things that seems to help me with my grief are my writings.  I write to Andy...both letters, and poems.  I even still write in his baby book...not the proud rantings of the birthdays or first days of school....but how I feel on those days.  I write what I would like to say to him in his baby book.

Here's the one that I wrote for him on his birthday this past week....

“ANDY”


Are you there, Andy?
Watching from the Summerlands?
Waiting for Mama?

I feel you with me,
but, it is never enough.
I wish you were here…

We miss you deeply,
And time does not quench our love.
You are always felt…

In this Mother’s heart,
As a poem, just waiting
For a fleeting thought…

Of inspiration,
To bring you closer to me,
If only in words.

Mommy, Wife, Homeschooler, Director of Religious Education, and Earth Religions Practitioner.


loving_mom7
by on Aug. 22, 2009 at 2:45 AM

Me  too, I am sitting here crying my eyes out and my heart hurts for you all. 

Quoting lyric2005:

I am so sorry for your loss and all the other Mommas on here.♥


Arianna
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2009 at 2:47 AM

this was what I wrote in a card I got for  his baby book for Yule (Christmas)....


So Sad, the card that naught gets read
By Eyes long closed against words unsaid

Mommy, Wife, Homeschooler, Director of Religious Education, and Earth Religions Practitioner.


Arianna
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2009 at 2:52 AM

This one, I wrote for him, before I ever had  the miscarriage..only a day or two after finding out that I lost him.

Silent Stillness,
  The still sound of that silence that can break the soul,
  Dashing wishes against rocks of loss.
Empty Hopes,
  The hopes of a mother drained to an empty vessel,
  A vessel that fills instead with lost dreams.
Quiet Visions,
  A mother’s eyes see upon her eyelids,
  the tiny body floating still and quiet in that sea.
Questing promises,
  A mother’s heart seeing divine promise
  Of earthen rebirth, and empty arms seeking the promise
  Of golden weight held to aching breasts.
Gentle Wind,
  Your baby’s touch in wind seeking to dry
  My tears upon my cheeks.
  That gentle wind, with it’s hollow sound
  Echoing off of mother nature’s limbs, while
  Caressing my face in a hopeful attempt at healing.
  Tiny lips which beg me to listen as you explain
  On the voice of that hollow and gentle wind,
  Just why you had to go.
Tears and Wishes,
  If I could place just one kiss on your tiny forehead,
  If I could hear your little cry in the night asking for the comfort of mother,
  If I could cradle your little body and bath you in my tears to bring you life,
  Perhaps then, my wishes could come true.
Sadness and Rebirth,
  No, oh no,  you are a beautiful dream in the confines of my heart.
  Happiness unmasked to reveal a sadness so keen that it rips at my soul,
  And threatens to steal my breath.
  But then, there you are, standing whole in my heart,
  With baby soft cheeks and tiny hands that reach out to me.
     “Do not grieve that way my gentle Mother!  I am a flash of joy which has indeed        
     Brought you sorrow, but also am I, the spirit of renewal.  I shall come again,
     And we shall know each other when we look into each other’s eyes.  But, for now,
     Cling to my memory through your sadness.  Touch my soul through your tears.  Listen
     For my voice on the breeze.  Rejoice in the promise of rebirth.  See me in visions as
     You dream.  Feel my soul in the stillness of all your quiet moments.  I am with you
     Still, as I have always been with you and as I always will be.  You have only to call,
     And I will visit your mind to bless your thoughts, and I will visit your heart to heal it’s
     Chambers with an infant’s tiny kiss.”

     “Remember me.  Remember me.”, you say so softly on that gentle wind, as it plucks
     at my hair and brushes my cheek.

      “I will my precious child!” Is my reply, as I reach to touch my cheek and feel your
     Baby fingers for just a moment.  Just a moment, which lasts a Mother’s lifetime.  Just
     A moment, as I watch a spider web dancing as a loving symbol in the mid day breeze.

     Then with eyes closed, I call you.
     “I love you my little angel!”

     And from within my heart and from the wind in the trees, a reply.
     “I love you too, Mommy…we are one you and I!”

     A tear slips from my weary eye, and a smile touches my lips.

     You are with me.  You are with me.  And I know peace.


For Andy, August 1st, 2005
With all my love, Mommy

Mommy, Wife, Homeschooler, Director of Religious Education, and Earth Religions Practitioner.


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