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not happy ..hurting ..am i wrong to feel this way?

Posted by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:04 AM
  • 10 Replies

 

Mom died in june '07 to suicide.I have not been able to purchase a head stone for these reasons:

first 2 times i had a hard time doing it. but i did find the stone i want and a rose to put on. the saying was the hardest part..didnt know what to put. we got our 2007 taxes done  and our tax person said be prepared to pay federal some money from the inheritance i got...so headstone put off until then...yep i had to pay $5000. that took care of feeling comfortable with money in our account. ok back to being broke. i still have the lifeinsurance and its still grows while there is money in it. i figure i keep on letting that grow and then firgure out the rest of money later. well we have been  having a rough summer with money and what not.

 i found out through an email that was to be  foward to me from my daughter..my aunt told her that my grandma went and purchased the headstone and it takes 4 mo to make and be put in next spring......

 1. i am glad she purchased it...

2. im not happy that she just went and did it.

3. i wish she would had called me to make sure i didnt purchase one already cuz you cant return them... we could had talked about this and w hy its taking so  long..and let her know what i had found and wanted..that doesnt mean she had to go with it..

i just wanted to be part of this whole process too.

i havent even visited my  mom yet...too hard  too guilty

i just feel like im not part of this family anymore.

am i wrong to feel this way?

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jojomommy
by Gold Member on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:09 AM

hugs

Mom2NaeNKayla
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:11 AM


Quoting jojomommy:

hugs


   thanks for the hug. makes feel alittle better..i could use more real hugs..

msmoody
by Ruby Member on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:13 AM

No, you're not wrong to feel this way. I'm sure she wasn't aiming to hurt you and probably thought she was helping you. I'm sorry you're going through this... 

Mom2NaeNKayla
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:19 AM


Quoting msmoody:

No, you're not wrong to feel this way. I'm sure she wasn't aiming to hurt you and probably thought she was helping you. I'm sorry you're going through this... 

..it was starting to get easier then this. now all i want to do is cry and be in bed all day/night. it woud have been easier if my grandma would have just picked up the phone so we could talk about it. i know its not easier for her either.

jonesyj08
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:23 AM

hugs You have every right to feel that way. I know I would. Just remember she probably did it to save you the money and the hastle, and more hurt, but she went about it the wrong way. Sometimes people do the wrong thing for the right reasons if that makes sense.

FlagMomNick
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:29 AM

It sounds as though you are having trouble allowing yourself to grieve. Is there any way you can find a grief counsellor to get you through some of this? It is a very dfficult time for anyone & it is a long process.

The only wrong is to turn your pain inward instead of dealing with it.

Communitcation with family is important too, but approach it gently. Everyone hurts form these situations.

Mom2NaeNKayla
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 9:59 PM


Quoting FlagMomNick:

It sounds as though you are having trouble allowing yourself to grieve. Is there any way you can find a grief counsellor to get you through some of this? It is a very dfficult time for anyone & it is a long process.

The only wrong is to turn your pain inward instead of dealing with it.

Communitcation with family is important too, but approach it gently. Everyone hurts form these situations.


 i cant afford  counsoling.  nor would i go.ijust see them giving me stuff for depression and i refuse to do that. ...thats why my moms is gone. just gonna deal with grief the way i have been.even if i have it for the rest of my life...

BewitchedKisses
by Silver Member on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:02 PM


Quoting Mom2NaeNKayla:


Quoting FlagMomNick:

It sounds as though you are having trouble allowing yourself to grieve. Is there any way you can find a grief counsellor to get you through some of this? It is a very dfficult time for anyone & it is a long process.

The only wrong is to turn your pain inward instead of dealing with it.

Communitcation with family is important too, but approach it gently. Everyone hurts form these situations.


 i cant afford  counsoling.  nor would i go.ijust see them giving me stuff for depression and i refuse to do that. ...thats why my moms is gone. just gonna deal with grief the way i have been.even if i have it for the rest of my life...

Catholic Charites does counseling with a therapist on a sliding scale for people. You should look in to it. A therapist can not suggest or prescribe medication, so they won't push meds for depression on you. It might help you a ton to seek out some help hun. The greiving process is very hard, and it helps to have someone there to just talk to.

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grits1975
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:09 PM

I do not think you are wrong to feel upset about it.  You were going about it the right way and I am sure you were having a hard time dealing with exactly what to do and when to do it.  It is not an easy issue to deal, especially when you were not ready to lose that person.  I hope that you will be able to grieve.  It is a hard process and it is a daily process.

I like the suggestion of a counselor and as was mentioned they cannot prescribe medications.  They will help you talk it out and get some of that guilt off of you.  If you live near a college or university you should try and see if they have any programs.  I know our local university does and offers counseling based on income.  They also accept you if you cannot pay. 

My thoughts are with you.

FlagMomNick
by on Aug. 26, 2009 at 6:52 PM

I don't think grieving necessitates medication. It's not a chemical imbalance that you are dealing with. A medication would push the pain aside rater than helping you deal with it.

There are as another poster said charities & even public clinics that wil offer counseling on a slidng fee scale, or even free. There are groups that deal with grief over loss & even suicide that cost nothing because people really need other people. the hardest thing at this point is probably making yourself vulnerable to total strangers, especially since you aren't even able to be close to & vulnerable with your own family.

I hope you are able to reach out to someone and make a connection so you don't have to go through this alone.

 I know talking through things has always helped me understand exactly what I'm feeling & reacting to just becasue i may say it out loud to someone differently than I feel or think it in my head. Then all of a sudden what I have said will become a revelation to me rather than my listener.

 

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