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your social life outside marriage

Posted by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 7:25 AM
  • 13 Replies

often times my husband doesn't come home and spends the night drinking it up with his friends. I just think this is wrong,however i've seen other posts where people seem to be in bars,drinking it up. i personally don't think bars are for married people,i don't think it's right for one person to not go home and be w/ their family. i understand people have friends- maybe joe wants to go fishing w/ my hubby fine,but then he comes home. My own sister used to go clubbing w/out her spouse,but she went home (they still eventually split up). my hubby often tells me things like -it's his weekend,he's letting his hair down,sometimes married people do things. He often lies about where he is and doesn't understand why i get mad. if this is common place in your marriage how do you accept it? am i being ridiculus here? If I told my hubby i was going to the grocery store and ended up at the local pub ,it would not go over well, so why does he think it's ok for him? should i just accept his friends and some nights he will be with them partying,leaving me with the kids?

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 7:25 AM
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by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 7:29 AM

I know how you feel. I havent got to go out and do anything "fun" since I found out I was pregnant with my son ( who is now 2 1/2) but my husband goes out EVERY weekend  with his buddies and parties it up.

I wish I knew what to tell you,but Im stuck in the same boat as you............ Lets make our hubbys stay home and you and I go out on the town....gotta wait a little bit though the bun is still in the oven lol

by Gold Member on Aug. 25, 2009 at 7:31 AM

This is the reason I DIVORCED MY FIRST HUSBAND OF 20 YEARS....eye rolling

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 7:36 AM

I know your situation all too well. When I got pregnant I gave up all of that type of living. I thought it was more mature to do more productive things with my life than to live it up at drink until the next day. My husband didnt quite get that memo. Drove me nuts that for almost our whole relationship he did just that. Never came home, always out at the bar with friends and never spent any time with me or his children. Its okay to have a social life outside of marriage, but going to bars and clubs on the regular without your spouse is asking for trouble. Those are breeding grounds for infidelity. People hook up at bars and why on earth would a married man need to be there in the first place??? I have been to one bar without my husband and it was really pointless to go anyways. I dont drink that much and the bar scene is not for me. I would rather spend time with my sisters, going to the mall or shopping together is my social life now....and I enjoy it. Sorry to rant on,  but I know exactly how you feel....


by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 7:39 AM

IDK about you but personally I believe that in a couple/marriage/relationship there are many other things that come into play.  For instance finances, children, entertainment, hobbies, socializing and maybe some more other things and I know for a fact that I may be married to my guy but I am not married to him and vice versa.  We have our separate passions for our lives outside of each other and we pursue those without too much debate. 

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 7:42 AM

DF and I love to be together so this isn't an issue for us.  We're both homebodies, but every once in a while we like to go out to a bar or strip club to "let our hair down" a little.  But we always go together.  We like each other's company so well that we have the opposite issue...getting each other to take time for him- or herself.  LOL

I would be concerned if I was in your shoes, however, because you mentioned your DH lies about where he is or was and gets upset when you inquire.  Once a week I wouldn't stress over, but it sounds to me like your DH does it way more than he should.

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 7:55 AM

the worst lie he told me was that he was with his son he hadn't seen in years (who is in his early 20's and he hasn't seen since he was a teenager). he told me he would go visit him and be home as soon as he could,but the truth was he was at his friends house drinking it up.  He said he lied because he thought that excuse would soften the blow for not coming home and he wonders why i have trust issues. he constantly tells me i have nothing to worry about, however this paticular friend's baby momma is bisexual and sleeps with anyone and she was there and has been calling our house because they haven't seen him in awhile. ughh!!! i hate the whole situation- they haven't seen him in awhile because I told him it was unacceptable to me and if he does it again, I will leave him.  he acts obsessive over me saying he can''t live with out me and doesn't want to see me with anyone else (which gets me really concerned).

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 7:58 AM

Every now and again I'll have a girls night out, although it's more likely to be happy hour at a bar and grill or a late lunch at chiles rather than a bar or a club - the exception being if there's a band I'm dying to see and that's the only place they'll be.

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 7:59 AM

no, you are not wrong!! he needs to grow the hell up and start being a father and husband!! to me it is so annoying when i hear about men that do this(or woman in some cases)when we have children i thought we were supposed to be there for them. of course we all need time for ourselves but why is that time spent in a bar?? that is what i can't stand!! there is so much more to life!!

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 8:02 AM

First of all, if my dh were LYING to me about where he was/is, he would not be going out anymore.  That is a red flag to me.  As for my marriage, occasionally we each go out without the other, I'm talking like once every 4-5 months or so.  but yes, we mostly go out together and yes too much going out by yourself will break a marriage for some.  In ours, it's mostly, 'you go, we go' or no one goes.  and there is a certain point where "letting your hair down" becomes a sounds like that is where you 2 are and it's a serious problem.   

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 8:05 AM

I feel there needs ot be balance. I would never ask my husband that we bo the only people in his life...and I would be insulted if it was asked of me.

I want my husband to have friends...and yes he can go to a bar, he's a grown man. Now if his friend time started to become a strain in our relationship, then he would be expected to cut it back. But my husband knows how to put things in his life in the correct order.

I too have been known to go toa  bar for a few drinks with friends. I will never understand the idea that a married person should not be allowed to sit in a bar.

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