Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why can't that woman be her mother instead of her friend? Update...sd in jail bump for ? in blue

Posted by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:41 AM
  • 9 Replies

We just found out my SD(turning 17 this week)  who is living with her mom...has gotten a second probation violation in less than a month. We were just in court last week finishing up the last one. She was SUPPOSED to be on house surveillance...and oops..she got a driving without privileges ticket during that time...we were waiting for mediation between my sd and dh so they can work on their relationship(she hasn't spoken to her dad in over 9 months..)...my goodness, they put 60 days in detention over her head last week...you would think that would have stopped her....ugh so back to court we go tomorrow...


We just got back from court. My SD was put into Juvenile Detention for 2 days for the driving without privledges.Plus 6 months driver's license suspension. We go back to court next week for the probation violation.

Mom is facing 5 days in jail and/or $5000 fine for not complying with juvenile probation rules and  contempt of court. Her court date is in 2 weeks.

It's sad to think my sd will be spending her 17th birthday(tomorrow) in jail, but dh and I both believe maybe this will be her wake up call.

I will not be surprised if probation doesn't request sd moves back with us..they did it for my SS and kept mom under supervised visitation. It was hell when he moved back in, but he has completely changed his life around...we did it with him..I know we can do it with her.

Since it is her birthday tomorrow, DH wants to take a cupcake in to her. They haven't spoken in 8-9 months. I don't know if she will agree to meet with him. He loves her very much and wants her to know he still cares for her, and only wants what's best for her. Would you visit if you were in his position?


family in the van

Who I am as a mom can not be expressed in a paragraph. It is expressed by who my children will become.

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:41 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
25beengoodtome
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:48 AM

 Sorry, you've got me totally confused.HOW is the mother being a friend, and not a mother? Maybe the girl snuck out, took the car without permission, and "mom" doesn't want to rat her out causing more problems. Have you talked to the mother personally?

~Marie~, ABSOLUTELY ADDICTED TO CAFE MOM and loving it!
luv2wahm
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 10:55 AM

sorry, I know I left a lot of holes..I hate writing novels...during the probation hearing last week...mom said on the stand..she had been home all week on surveillance with NO problems...yet the ticket was issued during this time.

If you knew this woman you'd understand...this is the same woman that allowed my SS to get into major trouble when he lived there..so much so, he had to come live with us as part of probation. This is the woman who we have repeatedly heard her refer to her daughter as her "bit$ch" and "girlfriend". This is the same woman who has allowed her daughter to miss over 38 days in most of her classes last year...sd lost credit in her classes.

When kids are on probation...the courts make the parents legally responsible for their children's actions...we know this from experience with my SS and if you withhold information from the probation officer...the parent can be charged...when my SS was on probation dh and I would not have hesitated to "rat' him out if needed...

Quoting 25beengoodtome:

 Sorry, you've got me totally confused.HOW is the mother being a friend, and not a mother? Maybe the girl snuck out, took the car without permission, and "mom doesn't want to rat her out causing more problems.


family in the van

Who I am as a mom can not be expressed in a paragraph. It is expressed by who my children will become.

luv2wahm
by on Aug. 26, 2009 at 1:23 PM

bump for update

family in the van

Who I am as a mom can not be expressed in a paragraph. It is expressed by who my children will become.

luv2wahm
by on Aug. 26, 2009 at 2:11 PM
bump for question

family in the van

Who I am as a mom can not be expressed in a paragraph. It is expressed by who my children will become.

coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Aug. 26, 2009 at 2:19 PM

Wow...this is a tough situation but you sound like you're strong so kudos to you!

I don't know how to answer your question...hopefully this will be the wakeup call SD needs and if she sees her father, on her birthday, in jail with a cupcake for her, maybe she'll realize that her dad's on her side.  If he's prepared that she might not want to see him and he's OK with that, I'd say go.  It might help their relationship. 

pammy32953
by on Aug. 26, 2009 at 2:19 PM

my DS spent hie 17th birthday in JD IT BROKE MY HEART. he is now in a RTC I hope you can help her.

luv2wahm
by on Aug. 26, 2009 at 2:22 PM

He knows he probably won't see him. He says he's ok with it. He got very teary eyed when they sent her to jail today...it's something we both didn't expect..I think he should go at least to say, "Hey regardless of your situation right now, you are my daughter and I love you."

Quoting coolmommy2x:

Wow...this is a tough situation but you sound like you're strong so kudos to you!

I don't know how to answer your question...hopefully this will be the wakeup call SD needs and if she sees her father, on her birthday, in jail with a cupcake for her, maybe she'll realize that her dad's on her side.  If he's prepared that she might not want to see him and he's OK with that, I'd say go.  It might help their relationship. 


family in the van

Who I am as a mom can not be expressed in a paragraph. It is expressed by who my children will become.

beka83
by on Aug. 26, 2009 at 2:27 PM

I think he should go.  At least he will know that he tried. 

nemiller
by on Aug. 26, 2009 at 2:27 PM

i would visit her.  it's not going to be easy, but she needs to know that at least one of her parents is reliable.  even if she chooses not to see him, she'll still know that her dad tried.  her mom isn't doing her any favors by letting her run amok.  (i have to watch my MIL let my SIL act this way, and it drives me insane.)  but you and your husband can be a source of love and guidance, regardless of that.


 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)