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Heartbroken......

Posted by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:16 PM
  • 23 Replies

My husband has been friends with this girl for over almost 20 years, Francis. When I married him, she and I because close. She is married. 2 little girls. I love her to death. We had some issues recently, but it all got worked out between us and we're talking again and its been a relief.

Today I went into my husbands tool box to get some duct tape and found a bunch of papers that I picked up. I figured it was more of his jibberish that he used to write when he was on drugs. A rough period of time that him and Francis went through together(not TOGETHER, you get my point) All of him and their friends went through it. I opened it up and its a letter to Francis. As i'm reading I realized its a love letter that he wrote her during this period.

Now, I had thought at one point that Joel was in love with Francis. But he swore to me that he never was. Its always been in the back of my mind, but i've  tried to ignore it and put if off on my insecurities.

But now Idk what to think. Obviously its true! And i'm heartbroken.....

 

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
theRonimal
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:19 PM

:( I'm so sorry. I can only hope that it was a long enough time ago that it was just a phase during your rough patch. Leave the past in the past, and focus on where you two are at now.


He COULD have married her, but he didn't. He married you. 

ballewal
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:20 PM

Talk to him about it.

I am a liberal, non-CIO, formula feeding because it was necessary, pro-choice, pro-gay and straight unions, social libertarian, unitarian universalist, theosophist, free range, educated single mother of one beautiful girl who is my entire life.

Cafe GroupAdmin
by Head Admin on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:20 PM

 feel better

 





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MOM22QTS
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:21 PM

Honestly that would make me very uncomfortable with their friendship. Im hoping that it was somethign from long ago, and he no longer feels that way.. Maybe you should have a talk with him. YOu know your husband better than any of us. 

Vampee_Mom
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:23 PM

Talk to him about it.

Really. Most people have been in love, or have loved before they met and married their spouse.  

Talk to him.. Learn how he feels now.

LeLe417
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:24 PM

This

Quoting Vampee_Mom:

Talk to him about it.

Really. Most people have been in love, or have loved before they met and married their spouse.  

Talk to him.. Learn how he feels now.


photoqueen240
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:27 PM

Joel and I have a very rough marraige and quite honestly, most of the time I feel like he doesn't want to be with me. I've caught him looking at porn twice(which he acts VERY sorry about)

Saturday night, the first time Francis and her husband came over in awhile,he gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek. I didn't think anything about it until him and her dh were looking at some pics on my camera I had been taking and they stopped at a pic of her. Her husband made a comment about how sexy she was and I heard Joel say "damn right she's sexy,you lucky bastard" at which I looked up and caught his eye and he then says "But so is my wife" and  I felt awful. It was like he only said it as an afterthought.

I"ve always felt uncomfortable about their friendship. But like I said,I put it off on my own insecurities.

And the only reason he didn't marry her was because I know the feelings he had for her weren't shared by her. She is and always has been in love with her DH.

smarshy
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:27 PM

My best friend was a boy throughout high school. He lived a couple hundred miles away after I moved.

I seriously thought that I loved him. I think he seriously thought he loved me.

It was truley an affectionate friendship love, nothing more. But we were young and I think he was more confused by it.

Its not typical to love a member of the opposite sex like a best friend!

We were never together either, and we are both married and really in love with our spouses now!


25beengoodtome
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:30 PM
Shred it up, get rid of it. Like you said, he went through a time of writing gibberish, consider that to be nothing but gibberish. Trash it and TRY to forget it.
Vampee_Mom
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 3:31 PM

Ahhhhh..

It sounds like it maybe pining, yearning, unrequited love that you may be dealing with.

That's a toughie... 

If he still is harboring any feelings. He needs to let them go.. If she has never shared the same feelings, and she has always felt this way about her DH.. Then your husband is pretty much devoting a part of his heart, that should belong to you, to a love that will never be..

You guys need to talk.. And he needs to be honest about his feelings. No matter how uncomfortable or painful it may be..  This will simmer and possible fester in your relationship if it is not worked out.

You are the one he chose to marry. Whatever his reasons for doing so are.. His heart, these feelings of love, should all be yours and directed to you. To do otherwise is slighting you  in your marriage.

Quoting photoqueen240:

Joel and I have a very rough marraige and quite honestly, most of the time I feel like he doesn't want to be with me. I've caught him looking at porn twice(which he acts VERY sorry about)

Saturday night, the first time Francis and her husband came over in awhile,he gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek. I didn't think anything about it until him and her dh were looking at some pics on my camera I had been taking and they stopped at a pic of her. Her husband made a comment about how sexy she was and I heard Joel say "damn right she's sexy,you lucky bastard" at which I looked up and caught his eye and he then says "But so is my wife" and  I felt awful. It was like he only said it as an afterthought.

I"ve always felt uncomfortable about their friendship. But like I said,I put it off on my own insecurities.

And the only reason he didn't marry her was because I know the feelings he had for her weren't shared by her. She is and always has been in love with her DH.


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