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When Your Child Died Did You ..... (Spin-Off) ?

Posted by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:04 PM
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I was just wondering if there any other moms like me is all.  The post about angel babies got me upset and remembering my own baby - who died an hour after birth. 

After he passed away I gathered up all our things and was led out the door in a wheelchair.  I signed out against medical advice.  I just couldn't be there anymore.

In the parking garage my husband got our things into the car.  When he looked back I was standing on the ledge and stepping off.  I remember putting my foot out and then my head hurt. 

He had grabbed my pants and yanked me back.  My head hit the pavement is all.  I don't remember it but I apparently clawed and fought him the whole way back into the hospital.  They gave me a sedative and put me into the psych ward.  I was transferred to a psych hospital the next day where I stayed for four months. 

I can't believe I did all of that now.  I was just in so much pain that nothing else mattered.  Without my baby there was no reason to continue.  Has anyone else gone through something like this.  Even just the feelings?  In the hospital I was always so alone.  Other people wanted to die for lots of reasons but not like me. 

by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ajswenson
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:07 PM

I personnally have not but both my mother and sister have buried children.  I witnessed the whole event with my sister.  I hope I never have to go through such horror.  I would think suicide would be a natural thought when losing a child.  Not thinking about it at some point would be weird in my opinion.  Time helps I know that from watching my sister.  It doesn't heal, it helps.

Luna091306
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:08 PM

I have never lost a child but I would probably react similarly. I couldn't imagine the intensity of pain a mother of a lost child feels. I am so very sorry for your loss.

im sorry


"Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings, who don't have all the answers, to think they do."

DevilDuckie
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:09 PM

Yeah it does help.  You never heal.  You are scarred for life.  It has been 11 years.  He would be in the 6th grade now.  I just want him back is all.  And at that moment without him I just didn't think it was fair that I got to continue on and he didn't.

Quoting ajswenson:

I personnally have not but both my mother and sister have buried children.  I witnessed the whole event with my sister.  I hope I never have to go through such horror.  I would think suicide would be a natural thought when losing a child.  Not thinking about it at some point would be weird in my opinion.  Time helps I know that from watching my sister.  It doesn't heal, it helps.


lizzie_ann
by Bronze Member on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:10 PM

I was too upset and in shock to eat. I seriously don't think I ate more than 2 or 3 bites of food in between hearing she was gone and her funeral. That's as close as I got to harming myself though.

Chick
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:11 PM

It would be hard for me to not do the same. The only reason I would try to heal is for my other child still needing me. I am so sorry.

DevilDuckie
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:12 PM

That is a good thing to have.  He was my first so I didn't have another child needing me.  I have survived miscarriages since but that was always the push to keep going.  I never thought of it again.

Quoting Chick:

It would be hard for me to not do the same. The only reason I would try to heal is for my other child still needing me. I am so sorry.


manda325
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:14 PM

I never attempted anything like this because of the simple fact I believe I will see my girls again, but if I did that then I wouldnt.  Dont get me wrong though, those types of thoughts haunted me and my dreams for a very long time.  I still think about it to this day.  Losing a child is unexplainable and we all deal with it differently.  I didn't leave my house for half a yr after my first.  And didn't step foot into walmart for 3 yrs.  I don't know why walmart, but it was!  The other post upset me too, I wish I had the guts to tell my story to everyone but I don't.  I am so sorry for your loss, if you ever need to talk message me anytime!

IlyssasMommy
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:14 PM

Experiencing loss is hard, and we all react in different ways. I spent 2 weeks in seclusion after I miscarried my and my husband's first baby. I was cutting and I don't remember eating a lot.

kelleygirl76
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:15 PM

Yes and no.  My babies were not stillborn, they were both ectopics.  The first nearly killed me, literally.  I lost so much blood.  The second was identified early and I was given a d&c and methotrexate.  I was devestated.  I sunk into a horrible depression.  I will never know what my children looked like or even what sex they were.  9 months after my second EP, I became pregnant again.  My son was born Jan 24, 2007.  He is my life.  He was the child I was meant to have.  While I still mourn the loss of my other babies, i know had either of them been born, I would not have my son.  Good luck, and God bless!

jcsmummy
by on Aug. 25, 2009 at 11:16 PM

i did not do anything like that. i held my living daughter, who we had come so close to losing, i don't think i let go of her all day after we let our boy go. she was 2 and didn't want to be held alot. i felt abandoned, and i cried. as much as i wanted to curl up and lay down beside him, i had my husband and my daughter who needed me. i'm sorry for your loss.

Crystal, proud wife to Justin (12/17/07),
proud mommy to 'Turkey Pie' Jamie (01/19/05)
and 'Baby Bear' Corben (07/10/08)

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