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He is giving "terms and conditions" to our JOINT custody...

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 2:19 AM
  • 19 Replies

So my boyfriend and I broke up today. We had a long discussion about what we wanted to do with the house and our daughter.  I have a friend with whom I had dated before my boyfriend and I had gotten together (3 years ago) that I hadn't really talked to much since him and have were together. My boyfriend refuses to allow our daughter around him. He knows that now we are broken up that my friend and I will become friends again. I don't feel he has a right to say who I can bring our daughter around and who I can't.This friend has a daughter himself, has had the same job for 10 years, owns a home, the most he drinks is beer, he does not do drugs. He is actually an expectional role model.

How do I convince him that he has no say in it without making him feel like he can't dicatate what I do with our daughter when she is with me? He pretty much said that if I bring her around him he is going to take full custody.

If you don't have any advice a friendly bump would be nice!

by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 2:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
reecenkaden
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 2:24 AM

Well tell him she can't be around any of his SO's ever. See how he likes that. He can tell you who you can hang out with. If there is no danger to your child he hasn't got a case.

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EmmysMom85
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 2:26 AM


Quoting reecenkaden:

Well tell him she can't be around any of his SO's ever. See how he likes that. He can tell you who you can hang out with. If there is no danger to your child he hasn't got a case.


He said if he met someone and I didn't like her he would tell her to get lost.. which I think is stupid on his part and I've told him that.

army_wife_916
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 2:27 AM

Well to be honest he can't TAKE full custody. thats a judges job. and the only way he can do that is if he can prove that you are an unfit parent. As long as your friend that you are going to stay with is reponsible, and is not a total fuck up then theres really nothing a judge will do... sorry if its too nosey.. but who broke up with who?

Momo4512
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 2:29 AM

IDK where u r from, but if it went in front of the courts, that wouldnt fly. U can do whatever u want with ur chikd in ur time. Unless it does harm to her, like bringing her around drugs or abuse. I have 2 kids with my ex and we have court ordered papers. Hes just talking out of his ass. hes just jealous of ur friendship with this guy. Do whatever u want, let him know if he causes any trouble then u will take him to court. good luck

Oh and its a controll thing

EmmysMom85
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 2:32 AM


Quoting army_wife_916:

Well to be honest he can't TAKE full custody. thats a judges job. and the only way he can do that is if he can prove that you are an unfit parent. As long as your friend that you are going to stay with is reponsible, and is not a total fuck up then theres really nothing a judge will do... sorry if its too nosey.. but who broke up with who?


What's funny is I'm not even staying with him. He's just a friend that if I have Emily I may or may not hang out with. 

Well, it pretty long and confusing. He says that I broke up the family and that I'm selfish and that it's all my fault our kids will be f*ed up (yes, I'm pregnant).  But then he turns around and says that he will do what he can and that if even I myself, not for the kids, but I need money he will give it to me. I swear he's bi-polar. Once he told me that I was selfish, and that I'm the one to blame he tried to revert back and ask to work it out again. I told him after that HELL NO. If this is how he ends a relationship I don't want to have to worry about if it's going to happena gain.. SOOO I guess it was me?

pookah1203
by Platinum Member on Aug. 28, 2009 at 2:32 AM

right now until you file for joint or any other type custody, the state tech has custody.

that said, there's a thing called assumed physical custody, which means he isn't paying child support and such, you are raising her co in that completely in that instance, he wouldn't be able to tell you want or what not to do.

now seeing as y'all just broke up today, none of this will help you.

go file for custody before he does. get it in writing. with a court order.

Meet me- Amanda: I'm 20. I'm a "my give a damn is broken" kinda mom. I'm married to a soldier. i have three kiddos. I am attending online college for criminology, AND I'm joining the army also. I don't need a momma, I HAVE ONE.  i don't give a damn what you think (see above) so save your breath YES I am a bitch... BUT this is the Internet, Try not to have an aneurysm over it.

EmmysMom85
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 2:33 AM


Quoting Momo4512:

IDK where u r from, but if it went in front of the courts, that wouldnt fly. U can do whatever u want with ur chikd in ur time. Unless it does harm to her, like bringing her around drugs or abuse. I have 2 kids with my ex and we have court ordered papers. Hes just talking out of his ass. hes just jealous of ur friendship with this guy. Do whatever u want, let him know if he causes any trouble then u will take him to court. good luck

Oh and its a controll thing


Not the first person to say that.. even my therapist said it.

army_wife_916
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 2:38 AM


Quoting EmmysMom85:

 

Quoting army_wife_916:

Well to be honest he can't TAKE full custody. thats a judges job. and the only way he can do that is if he can prove that you are an unfit parent. As long as your friend that you are going to stay with is reponsible, and is not a total fuck up then theres really nothing a judge will do... sorry if its too nosey.. but who broke up with who?


What's funny is I'm not even staying with him. He's just a friend that if I have Emily I may or may not hang out with. 

Well, it pretty long and confusing. He says that I broke up the family and that I'm selfish and that it's all my fault our kids will be f*ed up (yes, I'm pregnant).  But then he turns around and says that he will do what he can and that if even I myself, not for the kids, but I need money he will give it to me. I swear he's bi-polar. Once he told me that I was selfish, and that I'm the one to blame he tried to revert back and ask to work it out again. I told him after that HELL NO. If this is how he ends a relationship I don't want to have to worry about if it's going to happena gain.. SOOO I guess it was me?


LOL sorry he sounds like my ex is his name Joe??  :)

EmmysMom85
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 2:41 AM


Quoting army_wife_916:

 

Quoting EmmysMom85:

 

Quoting army_wife_916:

Well to be honest he can't TAKE full custody. thats a judges job. and the only way he can do that is if he can prove that you are an unfit parent. As long as your friend that you are going to stay with is reponsible, and is not a total fuck up then theres really nothing a judge will do... sorry if its too nosey.. but who broke up with who?


What's funny is I'm not even staying with him. He's just a friend that if I have Emily I may or may not hang out with. 

Well, it pretty long and confusing. He says that I broke up the family and that I'm selfish and that it's all my fault our kids will be f*ed up (yes, I'm pregnant).  But then he turns around and says that he will do what he can and that if even I myself, not for the kids, but I need money he will give it to me. I swear he's bi-polar. Once he told me that I was selfish, and that I'm the one to blame he tried to revert back and ask to work it out again. I told him after that HELL NO. If this is how he ends a relationship I don't want to have to worry about if it's going to happena gain.. SOOO I guess it was me?


LOL sorry he sounds like my ex is his name Joe??  :)

lol.. no but it does start w/ a J

lunarlady
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 2:41 AM

unless he has got a damn good reason in court it probably won't hold up. if the guy has any kind of record...dui, ect, then it is probably  just that he regrets the break up and can't stand the thought of you or his lil girl being with some other guy as a stand-in dad. also be fore-warned that not all guys..even ones with kids of their own- will treat your little girl the same as their own. most likely not. so are you willing to deal with it?  or more importantly... put your daughter through that?!  idk why you left him or he left you....but maybe if it's repairable think about the kids.  but by no means,  stay in the relationship solely for the kids either. my ex had a slew or excuses for my fiance not to be involved in our lives , but it was because he felt he was losing control over me.  later i found out that he was a pedofile that raped his own 12 yr. old niece after i left. yes i feel guilt that if i stayed maybe it would not have happened.but that is the mom in me speaking. maybe he would've done it to our own daughter.  again, i don't know the whole situation....  but think it through before you act.  if it is repairable , then maybe you both can do whatever is best for everyone involved........plus add fam counseling.  if not.......research his little side jobs too.  if he has any i bet that they party to keep it exciting.  if ya got the $$$$  get an investigator to see just what he is doing. maybe he isn't the perfect guy to be around your child either. hopes this helps somewhat.

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