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We coddle kids too much.

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 8:33 AM
  • 49 Replies

 I don't mean snuggles or loving them, that is fine (hehe nothing better than snuggles in my opinion!)  But enough with the "everyone's a winner" mentality.  It just irks me to see sports and groups hand out trophy's and medals just for competing.  I'm not saying call them losers, but praise should be given where praise is due.  Praise them for trying hard yes, that is fine.  But we aren't doing our kids any favors buy telling them they're winners when truthfully they aren't.  I'm all for the "the only thing that matters is that you had fun" mentality.  But at the same time, kids can't appreciate the victories in their lives if they never experience a failure here and a loss there.  Ok they didn't win the tournament.  It won't scar them for life.  They'll be dissappointed, even cranky.  May even want to quit.  But this is where you step in and say "we can try harder!" Or if they truly want to quit, its ok, kids sometimes know what they need!
     But does 5th, 6th, 7th, etc place need a trophy?  I don't believe so.  I think it takes away from those who achieve 1st 2nd and 3rd.  It takes away from those who won, and worked hard.  Again, I'm not saying call your kid a loser, nor am I saying you should tell them they didn't do well enough.  But don't praise them for mediocrity.  You want them want to achieve.  I want my kids to want the best for themselves.  I'll NEVER push them past their comfort levels, and never tell them they didn't do good enough.  But still, I want them to want to achieve, and be happy and proud of themselves.  I remember losing.  I remember not getting a trophy.  Yeah it sucked.  Yes I got fussy and mad.  But it taught me how to lose gracefully, good sportsmanship, and most of all it made me work harder.  Funny thing is...I don't really care these days about losing.  I eventually forgot about it.  Must not have hurt me too bad then.  ANd when I did win awards, I loved them dearly.  Why?  Because my victories meant so much more thanks to my losses.  It sounds cliche but losing does build character! 

by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 8:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
gypsydancer7
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 8:35 AM

I completely agree. Im so sick of seeing groups reward children for not working as hard as everyone else or for losing. I will always tell my dd's.... "Your always #1 in my eyes but next if you want to win you will have to work a bit harder"


calcalmommy
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 8:36 AM

I agree!!!

good

katzmeow726
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 8:37 AM

That's exactly what my parents told me.  I just worry the kids will come to a time when they lose and don't get an award, and freak out.  They freak out because they never learned to lose!

Quoting gypsydancer7:

I completely agree. Im so sick of seeing groups reward children for not working as hard as everyone else or for losing. I will always tell my dd's.... "Your always #1 in my eyes but next if you want to win you will have to work a bit harder"


melissa632
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 8:38 AM

i agree.  

grammarpolice
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 8:39 AM

You contradict yourself a few times, saying you are all about "fun for the sake of fun" mentality, but then later you emphasize that you want and expect them to achieve and excel. My opinion is that there is MUCH too much emphasis these days on team sports in general when the focus should be on being active, period. Why do people ask kids, "So, what sport do you play?" upon meeting them? What if they don't platy a sport but swim for fun and go for long walks and bicycle rides and are healthy and fit? Seems like a lot of people think kids HAVE to be in soccer, or lacrosse, or football. At least in my town.

edwardsgirl
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 8:39 AM

I agree with you!

mirandar2001
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 8:39 AM

I think it's done more to please the parents than the kids. People have that "Oh, well, at least my child got 6th place and we have a trophy to show off" mentality.

With my 8 y.o. DD she gets praised for all the A's she brings home. If she brings home papers with wrong answers, we sit and review them so she knows what she did incorrectly. This gives her the drive she needs to do her very best on her homework. This week was her first week back and she has brought home A's on all her work so far. So this weekend she will get a small treat from the grocery store, nothing big, but it does teach her that with hard work, comes rewards. 




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katzmeow726
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 8:40 AM

 Glad I didn't come across as a hard a**.  Its nice to see I'm not alone!

katzmeow726
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 8:41 AM

You misunderstood me then.  It is about having fun.  But don't you want your kids to achieve good grades?  Have a good career?  Success in life?  This is what I mean.  And while my parents did tell me it was to have fun, I was taught that anything worth doing is worth doing right. 

ETA*

Basically I want them to want the best for themselves, and never settle.  By just handing out trophies for losing, we're teaching kids that they can get rewarded for mediocrity (or worse), and I worry it would encourage them not to try later in life.

Quoting grammarpolice:

You contradict yourself a few times, saying you are all about "fun for the sake of fun" mentality, but then later you emphasize that you want and expect them to achieve and excel. My opinion is that there is MUCH too much emphasis these days on team sports in general when the focus should be on being active, period. Why do people ask kids, "So, what sport do you play?" upon meeting them? What if they don't platy a sport but swim for fun and go for long walks and bicycle rides and are healthy and fit? Seems like a lot of people think kids HAVE to be in soccer, or lacrosse, or football. At least in my town.


Septpreggo
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 8:43 AM

maybe theyre giving the 5th and sixth place trophies cuz they participated, went to practices, etc. i dont know i never thought about it

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