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Laugh till you cry...I did!!

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 6:25 PM
  • 48 Replies

Got this from a website earlier...

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MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*ck was going on when I first saw it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired
about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think that, if years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.


I'm a baby wearing, co sleeping, organic buying, ERF, had to formula feed cause I never created milk hippie momma of a wonderful energetic 4yr old girl, Athena, a rollie pollie 4 month old boy, Noah, and I'm married to a jazz musican that rocks my world and just happens to be the best dad and stepdad ever, Trevor. I won't tell you how to rasie your kids if you don't tell me how to raise mine.

by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 6:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mommy2Nikolas
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 6:29 PM

Bump to finish later. Thanks for the laughs!!


preemiemommy
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 6:34 PM

 omg...i am crying so bad....my stomache hurts from laughing...ooomg.  aiden is looking at me like i'm nuts



 




*i do not wish to be bashed about anything i post.  so just be nice for crying out loud.  this is cafemom, not bashthemom....*

TheSinFamily
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 6:35 PM

too funny! thanks!

momofgirls63
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 6:38 PM

This is FUNNY!! Thanks:)

My dd just asked "something you would like to share with the rest of us Mommy?"!!!!!

MommyAkaTiffany
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 6:40 PM

laughing

I am a stay at home, with one beautiful, smart & happy Daughter, trying for baby number two (!!!), back in school for nursing, breastfeeding, Young and the Restless watching, pro-choice, arts and crafty, baby-wearing, fun loving, found the Man of my dreams, happy Mommy!!!

mommywife06
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 6:43 PM

I loved the school zone one because its like true lol

The alarm clock and finding things thats my husband to a T

And I just loved them all! haha! Its so funny! 

neenerashley
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 6:48 PM

My husband is one of those people who get in the shower THEN turn on the water.. i never understood that about him.

LMAO@ unplanned parent hood.. makes sense to me!

I also know about the FB/MS stalking.. its always fun! ( i know bad me) HAHAHA!



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melissaisme
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 6:49 PM

Thank you so much... very funny. I had to repeat the falling over in the chair statement to my husband 5 timesw because he couldn't understand what I was saying, I wa laughing so hard! Its so true though!

Thelmama
by Ruby Member on Aug. 28, 2009 at 6:49 PM

funny funny funny.... 

LEJOLIE
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 6:49 PM

 LMAO        TGIF

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