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I just dont know what else to do right now!(sorry pretty long)

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 10:08 PM
  • 9 Replies

 I am so upset right now I can't even see straight!  But first the back story here.  My ex-husband walked out on my DD and me while I was 6 months pregnant with my oldest DS, almost 6 years ago.  He had been cheating and decided that he wanted to be with the other woman instead of us.  He has barely been in our children's lives since then and rarely pays any child support.  I have tried everything I can think of to assist him in seeing his kids, from taking them the 60+ miles to his house, to down right begging him to come get them because they miss him.  Nothing helps for very long.  His mother and sister will occasionally take the kids for a weekend here and there and they always make sure that they get to see him and try to let them see their little sister(his daughter by yet another woman) too.

Now on to today.  My DD's school is having a father(or other male role model)/child pizza and a movie night in Sept.  The school sent out paperwork so they would know how many to expect today.  This sent my daughter into a major melt down.

Out of no where she is screaming at me that Daddy being gone is all my fault and that if I loved her and her brother I would try to get him to come home.  She was so mad she was shaking and crying.  I have never seen her like this.  I was so upset by her words that I almost shouted out the true story to her!!!  I caught myself though.  She is too young to understand and too innocent to know the facts just yet and I am not one for bad mouthing him any where near where she or her brother could possibly hear.  They deserve to make up their own minds about their father in their own way and time.

Now,  I know she knows the effort I have put into trying to make sure they see their father.  She has over heard phone calls and more then once I have caught her looking over my shoulder and reading the e-mails asking him why he doesn't spend more time with his kids.  She isn't dumb, infact I think she actually knows more then she lets on about the whole thing.  I know she is hurt and needed a way to get all those feelings out and I was an easy outlet for all that anger and saddness.  I in no way blame her for the way she feels.

I blame her jack ass of a father!!!  That freaking jerk doesn't care what he is doing to his children!  

I am not sure why I really posted this.  I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.  Vent a little.  I just don't know what to do about all this.  My daughter is hurting and I don't know how to help her.  I am so lost!  







 




 




 




 

by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 10:08 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Twizlr
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 10:13 PM

bump 







 




 




 




 

lillitigator88
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 10:14 PM

I am so sorry I was your daughter when I was 9 and this made me cry.! Just make sure that she knows that you love her and that it might be best if you just keep him completely out now.  My step-dad i called him dad walked out but it was bc my mom cheated on him I did not know that he was my dad for 7 yrs the only dad I knew and I knew him as dad. he left and I never saw him again and it hurt and still hurts but then agian my mom isn't one for uncondition love and married and abusive ass and then stayed til I threatened to emancipate myself. but anyways

sorry for taking over you post :(

Just be there for her and youcan go to those things with her if she wants youtoo you are her mother and father at this point. She is in a lot of pain she knows dad isn't around but doesn't understand why he doesn't love her enough to stay. It is too much emotion for her to comprehend and understand .

I am so sorry she is going through this give her a big hug for me I am sorry you have to watch her suffer cause of her jackass good for nothing piece of shit dead beat prick father.


MissAndrea125
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 10:17 PM

Wow poor girl! I wish I knew what to say to her to get her to understand. Have you tried getting her in to see her counselor? I never thought of this before, but the whole idea of having a father day (or male role model whatever they want to call it) is DEFIFITELY a huge disappointment for MANY kids, not only your daughter. The way America is these days, all of a sudden I have this feeling that they should do away with that day. Not every kid has a dad OR a male role model and for many it is a sore subject. ANYHOW.... all I can think to say is that she needs some serious reassurance that it is NOT anyone's fault, that some people just don't understand how to be a good parent or family member or realize that other people really miss them. I dunno. I'm sure you have probably already done all that. I wish I could help.  

Christy78
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 10:18 PM

 

 

   My daughter just signed up for girl scouts and they will have a father and daughter dinner and dance  she is 11 and was 6 when her daddy was killed and she said I guess I could take papa or my Uncle

LiChanelsMommy
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 10:19 PM

Thats a tough one! I am sorry your DD is so upset. I would remind her how lucky she is to have a great life with you and brother. Let her know that families come in all different kinds and then explain some without mothers and siblings, as well as, fathers. Tell her shes loved and that its no ones fault that her father isn't around.

Is there a stepdad or grandfather or good male friend that can play a stable role in DD's life and do father/DD type things? Its impossible to fill an empty void (like a lack of parent) completely but you may be able to fill it enough to make her happy. I was a single mothers for a few years too and I know how hard it was. Good luck!

KokoJones
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 10:19 PM

those daddy days are always hard when you are a single mum... usually my daughters preschool would let the single mums come or grandpa if one was available. i am sorry this is hitting your daughter so hard... "dead beat" dads suck :(

CafeMom Tickers




Koko- navy wife-mommy of two- currently baking baby #3

jella31
by Angela on Aug. 28, 2009 at 10:20 PM

oh my,thats incredibly sad. i feel for your children:( wish i knew what to say 

Twizlr
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 10:22 PM


Quoting Christy78:

 

 

   My daughter just signed up for girl scouts and they will have a father and daughter dinner and dance  she is 11 and was 6 when her daddy was killed and she said I guess I could take papa or my Uncle

Once we both calmed down I suggested this too her and she started crying again, saying it wouldn't be the same.  I am hoping she will come around and ask my dad or my brother to come with her, but I am not sure right now.  She adores her uncle and hasn't seen him much in the last few years because he was in the military but now that he has been discharged I am hoping that they can become close again and that will help a little.

She has dealt with so much in her 8 years of life it isnt even funny.







 




 




 




 

Jaclynx3
by on Aug. 28, 2009 at 10:28 PM

I agree it should be adult day or parent day. Also with the war  there are also more and more fatherless children. very sad

Quoting MissAndrea125:

Wow poor girl! I wish I knew what to say to her to get her to understand. Have you tried getting her in to see her counselor? I never thought of this before, but the whole idea of having a father day (or male role model whatever they want to call it) is DEFIFITELY a huge disappointment for MANY kids, not only your daughter. The way America is these days, all of a sudden I have this feeling that they should do away with that day. Not every kid has a dad OR a male role model and for many it is a sore subject. ANYHOW.... all I can think to say is that she needs some serious reassurance that it is NOT anyone's fault, that some people just don't understand how to be a good parent or family member or realize that other people really miss them. I dunno. I'm sure you have probably already done all that. I wish I could help.  


                

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