Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

family drama-

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 2:00 PM
  • 22 Replies

update- I got the measurements that I needed sent, and it's going to be harder than if I took them, but I got the measurements. There is still family drama and I'm sure there always will be. But I do all I can to remind myself that there is a underlined blessing to it all. If we didn't all love my niece so much, there probably wouldn't be this drama.

My niece is loved like crazy, that that is the important thing. :)


my situation is this-I've made many dresses for my niece, and offered to make her another one. Fine. In the past her mother has had bad feelings towards me, but that's a long story. Usually it's just telling me that she's unhappy, and causing her drama, and that I'd better stop. But when she is asked why she is upset, she has no details to give. Usually she just says things like 'I sense that you feel this way or that way.' usually I don't. She's never told me what she wants from me other than 'stop the drama' - For anyone that sews, you know that in order to make a outfit for someone you need to have measurements. Once she did mention in one of her dramatic emails,"if ______ doesn't want to be measured then don't measure her." which is fine, I've never done that. If mommy isn't around, then My niece has no problem being measured, in fact she sometimes asks to be measured- like it's a game.  If mommy is around, she acts like she doesn't want to.

Mind you, I would never tell her she has to get measured if she doesn't want to.

Recently, it was set up that her dad was going to bring my niece to the fabric store so we could pick out material for a dress. Fine. Well, Mommy shows up. After the material was picked out and cut, I asked my niece if I could measure her. Mommy says to me not to.

I asked her Daddy if someone else could get her measurements and I was told that measurements of my niece will be taken sometime between now and February, so they'll give them to me when they get them.

So in the meantime, I've promised a dress to this child that I can only make once I have the measurements. They may not even send them to me- in the meantime, if my niece asks me about the dress the only thing I can tell her is that until I get her measurements I can't do  it.

I completely support that if they don't want my niece measured that is their decision, but in the meantime I'm in a situation where I may be forced to break a promise to my niece. 

This is just one of the many situations that come up in this family, I suppose I just needed to vent.



by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 2:00 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
KrystalY
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 2:03 PM

That makes no sense.  They are asking you to do them/her a favor, but aren't willing to work with you?  Have you left something out about the measuring?  If not,, it sounds like they are being completely unreasonable.  

CafeMom Tickers
Little_bug
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 2:08 PM

confusedwell just keep telling you rneice that you can't make her dress unless you can measure her, otherwise her beautiful new dress won't fit her.  He he, another option would be to make her a pillowcase dress.  That will teach them all(they are cute but HARDLY what they are looking for I am sure)

LadyAronna
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 2:16 PM

no, I haven't left anything out that I know of. The only thing I can think of is that my niece acts like she doesn't want to be measured when mommy is around. But her dad has seen me measure her many times and she is fine with it. A few months ago I was there and a tape measure was out, so she took it and started acting like she was measuring me.

Like I said, it's a long story, but for whatever reason, my niece behaves one way around me, and another around mommy. Mommy has been pushing the issue of 'personal space' with my niece a lot, so when I first see my niece she'll tell me all about how mommy just told her to protect her personal space. Then she tells me things like to stay about 3 feet away from her for maybe 5 mintues. Then assuming mommy isn't around, she wants to sit on my lap, give hugs and play like she's my baby. I think my niece thinks that such things are against the rules or something. Considering their main form of punishement is to put Hot sauce (Habanero Sauce) in her mouth, I imagine she doesn't want to risk getting punished.

As far as mommy goes, I think she's jealous that I'm able to make dresses for my niece that makes her so happy, when she can't. I had asked her to work with me on a dress but she's made it clear that she wants nothing to do with sewing.

Just seems like I can't win.

LadyAronna
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 2:18 PM

I don't care where the measurements come from, I just can't figure out why they are taking such a stand that I can't have the measurements. Oh well. Thanks for the replies-

adri_nevarez
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 2:22 PM

You do know that you are obligated to report this right?  This is child abuse and you know about it!

Quoting LadyAronna:

no, I haven't left anything out that I know of. The only thing I can think of is that my niece acts like she doesn't want to be measured when mommy is around. But her dad has seen me measure her many times and she is fine with it. A few months ago I was there and a tape measure was out, so she took it and started acting like she was measuring me.

Like I said, it's a long story, but for whatever reason, my niece behaves one way around me, and another around mommy. Mommy has been pushing the issue of 'personal space' with my niece a lot, so when I first see my niece she'll tell me all about how mommy just told her to protect her personal space. Then she tells me things like to stay about 3 feet away from her for maybe 5 mintues. Then assuming mommy isn't around, she wants to sit on my lap, give hugs and play like she's my baby. I think my niece thinks that such things are against the rules or something. Considering their main form of punishement is to put Hot sauce (Habanero Sauce) in her mouth, I imagine she doesn't want to risk getting punished.

As far as mommy goes, I think she's jealous that I'm able to make dresses for my niece that makes her so happy, when she can't. I had asked her to work with me on a dress but she's made it clear that she wants nothing to do with sewing.

Just seems like I can't win.


LadyAronna
by on Sep. 8, 2009 at 12:05 PM


Quoting adri_nevarez:

You do know that you are obligated to report this right?  This is child abuse and you know about it!

Quoting LadyAronna:

no, I haven't left anything out that I know of. The only thing I can think of is that my niece acts like she doesn't want to be measured when mommy is around. But her dad has seen me measure her many times and she is fine with it. A few months ago I was there and a tape measure was out, so she took it and started acting like she was measuring me.

Like I said, it's a long story, but for whatever reason, my niece behaves one way around me, and another around mommy. Mommy has been pushing the issue of 'personal space' with my niece a lot, so when I first see my niece she'll tell me all about how mommy just told her to protect her personal space. Then she tells me things like to stay about 3 feet away from her for maybe 5 mintues. Then assuming mommy isn't around, she wants to sit on my lap, give hugs and play like she's my baby. I think my niece thinks that such things are against the rules or something. Considering their main form of punishement is to put Hot sauce (Habanero Sauce) in her mouth, I imagine she doesn't want to risk getting punished.

As far as mommy goes, I think she's jealous that I'm able to make dresses for my niece that makes her so happy, when she can't. I had asked her to work with me on a dress but she's made it clear that she wants nothing to do with sewing.

Just seems like I can't win.



LadyAronna
by on Sep. 8, 2009 at 12:08 PM

I've inquired about the situation with 2 shrinks and one medical professional. They all said the same thing. that legally, unless it leaves marks it's not abuse.

So in the meantime I'm just doing all I can to be there for her.

If anyone knows of anything that can be quoted to state that it is abuse, please send it to me. Her parents think that this punishment is fine and dandy, and I don't think they are going to listen to me about it. 



FutureSoccerM0m
by Platinum Member on Sep. 8, 2009 at 12:17 PM

If you can afford it, buy her a dress. If she doesn't want her measurement taken, don't force it even if she is changing her mind when her mom isn't around. Something made them uncomfortable or nervous in the past. I am not saying it was you but it could have been someone else. I understand you promised her but there is no good reason to force this on them.

MommyMerry7
by on Sep. 8, 2009 at 12:22 PM


Quoting adri_nevarez:

You do know that you are obligated to report this right?  This is child abuse and you know about it!

Quoting LadyAronna:

no, I haven't left anything out that I know of. The only thing I can think of is that my niece acts like she doesn't want to be measured when mommy is around. But her dad has seen me measure her many times and she is fine with it. A few months ago I was there and a tape measure was out, so she took it and started acting like she was measuring me.

Like I said, it's a long story, but for whatever reason, my niece behaves one way around me, and another around mommy. Mommy has been pushing the issue of 'personal space' with my niece a lot, so when I first see my niece she'll tell me all about how mommy just told her to protect her personal space. Then she tells me things like to stay about 3 feet away from her for maybe 5 mintues. Then assuming mommy isn't around, she wants to sit on my lap, give hugs and play like she's my baby. I think my niece thinks that such things are against the rules or something. Considering their main form of punishement is to put Hot sauce (Habanero Sauce) in her mouth, I imagine she doesn't want to risk getting punished.

As far as mommy goes, I think she's jealous that I'm able to make dresses for my niece that makes her so happy, when she can't. I had asked her to work with me on a dress but she's made it clear that she wants nothing to do with sewing.

Just seems like I can't win.

 This is NOT child abuse....I've threatened often to do this to my kids for their smart mouths!!! 


marshsmom
by on Sep. 8, 2009 at 12:27 PM

If they are abusing this little girl it could explain the reluctance to have her measured by you among other things.  If they are being abusive thay may not want anyone to get too close or see too much. KWIM?

Quoting LadyAronna:

I've inquired about the situation with 2 shrinks and one medical professional. They all said the same thing. that legally, unless it leaves marks it's not abuse.

So in the meantime I'm just doing all I can to be there for her.

If anyone knows of anything that can be quoted to state that it is abuse, please send it to me. Her parents think that this punishment is fine and dandy, and I don't think they are going to listen to me about it. 

 

 


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)