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pregnant need advice pls no bias

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 3:46 PM
  • 9 Replies


I find it easier to seek advie here because family and friends are always biased. Well I am 23 years old and have been divorced for almost two years. I eventually met and fell in love with my boyfriend and i am now expecting my second child(first from him). Hr has two children from two previous relationships, both which ended because he says they were unfaithful to him. Anyways we've been having alot of problems in recent months, many because of my jealousy which is sparked by many lies i catch him in. Anyways 2 days after we found out the sex of our child he broke up w me over an argument we had over my daughter and him not liking how i disipline her( he thinks she walks all over me, shes only 2) anyways he completely ignored me for about 5 days and we only got back to talking because day 6 was his birthday but everything went back to normal. everything has been fine for the last almost 2 weeks. just the other night i spent the night at his home, we currently dont live together. and before he went to bed he checked his phone and put it on the table next to the bed but then ended up immediately grabbing it and holding it w him while he layed down. I asked him why he did that and he said i keep my phone on me so why cant he and i said not when i sleep and he just said whatever look at my phone i dont care. i let it go and he went to sleep while i stayed up watching tv. he ended up rolling over and off his phone so i grabbed it. i didn't see anything in his inbox just messages from me and his guy friends. but when i checked his inbox i saw messages he sent to a ewoman named monica and it said hi my name is robert i asked for ur number because i think youre really pretty and would like to take u out to eat...i couldnt see her responses to him but that message to her was in spanish and so was the next that said can u teah me spanish because he doesnt speak it i figure he was at work and asked someone how to translate. i woke him up and asked him who she was and he laughed and said it wasnt for him and i said yeah u idiot u put ur name u said robert and he then just said i didnt do anything. I naturally broke down crying, changed and then i broke some piture frame she had of me him and my daughter, he got up grabbed me and told me to get out, which i did. we havent spoken this only happened yesterday morning, like midnight. i did send him a text telling him a didnt deserve this and that all i ever asked of him was to end it if he didnt love or wanna be with me, just not to cheat on me. he ofcourse hasnt responded. Im just kinda wondering what i should do. he sent this message the day before his birthday which technically we werent together but it was only 5 days after he ended it w me and besides we always kinda break up and get back together. ps. i called the girl she said they met at her work and that shes married and a person in her work gave him her number not her and that she doesnt speak english so it went no further than those texts.

by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 3:46 PM
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by Head Admin on Sep. 7, 2009 at 3:55 PM



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by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 3:58 PM

hun u don't need him.if he is going to be like that u don't need him around u or ur children.

by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 4:02 PM

It sounds like he was the one who was unfaithful in his relationships.  You can either stay with him and always wonder what he is doing or you can end things.  How involved is he with his other children?  That will give you a pretty good idea of what to expect. 

I have found that when people place 100% of the blame on an ex partner, they are covering for themselves.  Not to be mean, but you need to slow down a bit.  You are awfully young to have been in two long term relationships that have failed plus you are now bringing a second child into it.  Take some time and be alone.  Do not jump in head over heels into a relationship.  Do not let the feelings of love and butterflies cloud your judgement.  I am sure you have had warning signs that you chose to ignore.  Learn to listen to your gut.   

by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 4:03 PM

You don't need the drama. Don't get back together with him, but let him be a part of y'all's child's life. That's only fair to everyone involved. GL!!!

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by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 4:05 PM

It kind of sounds like his other relationships ended because HE was unfaithful, not them. I don't know what to tell you, except that it may be a good thing you're findng all this out now instead of later after getting married. And to make matters worse, you're pregnant and emotional, so that certainly doesn't help. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but it seems to me like God is trying to tell you sonthing along the lines of, this man can't be trusted, and do you want to be with someone who plays games like a middle schooler (the phone thing) and who has such mercurial mood swings? I would think you're heading into a world of problems far bigger than these and this is your cue to get out now. Further more, do you like his parenting skills, tactics, etc? How is he with his kids? Is this someone you want to raise a child with? I will pray for you.

by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 4:07 PM

I could never be with someone that I don't trust. And I could never trust a man who is trying to talk to someone else behind my back. This is a NO WIN situation for you, unless you don't mind him having flings behind your back (which I assume you don't like) You will never be able to trust him, so what is the point in continuing in a relationship, ya know? You'll be questioning him until the day you die if you don't break it off. And that is not a fun life, I promise. Your kids deserve to grow up and be taught that two people in a relationship TRUST AND HONOR one another. Or else they will grow up and either cheat, or allow someone to cheat on them.  Thats my opinion :)

by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 4:07 PM

Quoting crazyangel_52:

hun u don't need him.if he is going to be like that u don't need him around u or ur children.

well put

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by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 4:12 PM

or around you for that matter. you deserve better!

Quoting crazyangel_52:

hun u don't need him.if he is going to be like that u don't need him around u or ur children.

I am a BF, formula supplementing, never needed to try the CIO method, vaccinating, one day will try ERF, never going to co-sleep, very loving mother and wife, who tries to not be judgemental, will send my kids to public school, doesn't care about your opinion on the war in Iraq or Afghanistan, supports our troops, married to a soldier, baby making factory...wife to Adam, mommy to Jeremiah and our new baby.

by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 4:14 PM

thanks guys i dunno this just really sucks. he travels for business alot but he is very involved w his daughter who is 6 when he goes home, its all about work and her. the second child he didnt know about and only found out about him when his ex sent him to court for child support, this ex is also back where he is from and he hasnt been there but once and did spend time w the child. i think that if this doesnt work out hes going back home to virginia where hes from im in california. id never deny him the right to see our child, i just doubt itd be very often if he moves back home.

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