Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My last chance letter.. What do you think? (PIOG) ETA

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 10:15 PM
  • 14 Replies

I am going to bed, but please still keep coming with thoughts & answers. I really believe this is the way to start with a new beginning in our marriage. And I need all the help I can get & I know that one of your answers or thoughts will be sent to me through you, but from God. TIA

Dear Cliff,

  After 20 years you should be the one person that I should be able to tell my fears, my hopes, my thoughts & my dreams too. But you are the last person that I can come to. You are the last person you want me to come to if I do need to talk. You seem to be in your own little world & the only way to get in your world is if you allow it. This is true for all of your family. There are so many things that I would love to talk to you about, but I will never be able to.

  I don't want a reply to this letter as you will think that this is "Just another excuse" So don't write back.

  I am going to try to go a different way with this letter; this is my last chance letter. I want to bring God into this marriage. I know that He is our last hope for a marriage. I have a book that I am putting with this letter & a movie. The book as you can see is "What wives wish their husbands knew about women." (Don't worry I am getting the one for me to read too) I also put Fireproof in here too, Please watch it.  These 2 things won't change our marriage, only we can do that. If we want it to. The book will explain alot of things about women that men may just not think about & I know the book that I will be getting will tell me alot of things about guys that I may not think of. These are both God based objects. If you refuse God & his help then I will know that we are done. I can think of all the things I want you to hear & can tell myself that if I tell you the way I really feel you would change, but I can't get to the part of opening my mouth the right way. My words just never come out the way you need to hear them. So I just say the little things that I can & hope that one will work, my hope fades more & more everyday. I have chosen to take that hope & lock it away with my emotions. 

  I have prayed to God that he would show me a way "out, anyway out" but yet he never answers. So I asked for God to take my Love that I feel for you away All of it, but he hasn't. I asked Him to let me Hate you, but he won't. I have asked for Him to provide me an answer, but I never saw it. So just recently I asked God to let me Love you again, let me find a way to get a feeling that tells me that I need you, or that this marriage will work. And I saw no answer in that till Sunday While at church Darren was preaching on living by the world, not of the would. That really doesn't apply to our marriage if you just hear it that way, but it told me that I needed to stop asking for help for our marriage from the people in this world & start asking for God to help in our marriage. I need you to know that God needs to be the center of our marriage. He needs to be the only one we turn too when we need help. I know that this will not be easy in anyway. I know that we both have to want this (& from what God is telling me I ain't going anywhere anytime soon)

  So if you accept Gods help in this, then maybe we can make these last 20 years not a waste of time, but a learning process. We can have the marriage that your mom & dad had in the last 15yrs to his last days. The difference is you go to church. I know Newburn believed in God, but never would set foot in church. You must have something; Because God got you back into church. Let God live in our lives.


by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 10:15 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
TheresaMomof9
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 10:16 PM

 I have no clue what is the right thing to say in your relationship, but I am praying for you!! {{hugs}}

ballerinamom
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 10:19 PM

I am praying for your marriage.. I think you are sending the right message.. With Christ all things are possible.. Keep praying that God will soften your husbands heart and that he will read this and take it in a positive way. I know how tough it can be.

willubemyokoono
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 10:24 PM

I think it is a great letter. It is direct, without sounding angry. You actually sound thoughtful and very sincere. Good for you for trying to make things work, and not just throwing in the towel. I am also having a hard time getting my husband to allow God into our marriage, so I know where you are coming from. Good luck, I hope your letter recieves a positive response.

If you need to talk, PM me :)

jenny198356
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 10:30 PM

 I will say one thing about your letter...in marraige retreat that i went to they said to never point fingers. Not that you cant get out your feelings, just do it without it seeming like an attack against him. So instead of saying  YOU DO THIS>..say I FEEL ____ WHEN YOU DO THIS...that way it is getting your feelings out without attacking.

mommywife06
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 10:42 PM

We learned that also. Our marriage retreat was with a comedian named MARK GRUNGOR but he is a pastor he just brings humor into it. But he also said that. He will feel attacked and not respond well if you do that

Quoting jenny198356:

 I will say one thing about your letter...in marraige retreat that i went to they said to never point fingers. Not that you cant get out your feelings, just do it without it seeming like an attack against him. So instead of saying  YOU DO THIS>..say I FEEL ____ WHEN YOU DO THIS...that way it is getting your feelings out without attacking.


skywatcher1973
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 10:44 PM

How is this finger pointing? I am telling him the way I feel. & that we need Gods help if we want this to work.

Quoting jenny198356:

 I will say one thing about your letter...in marraige retreat that i went to they said to never point fingers. Not that you cant get out your feelings, just do it without it seeming like an attack against him. So instead of saying  YOU DO THIS>..say I FEEL ____ WHEN YOU DO THIS...that way it is getting your feelings out without attacking.


mommywife06
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 10:46 PM

No its just when you say you are the last person I want to share my dreams fears with. If you was to say I feel hurt because I cant come to you with my dreams and fears he wont feel so attacked. Thats what our pastor told us

Quoting skywatcher1973:

How is this finger pointing? I am telling him the way I feel. & that we need Gods help if we want this to work.

Quoting jenny198356:

 I will say one thing about your letter...in marraige retreat that i went to they said to never point fingers. Not that you cant get out your feelings, just do it without it seeming like an attack against him. So instead of saying  YOU DO THIS>..say I FEEL ____ WHEN YOU DO THIS...that way it is getting your feelings out without attacking.



skywatcher1973
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 10:48 PM

OK so rewrite this for me. Please

After 20 years you should be the one person that I should be able to tell my fears, my hopes, my thoughts & my dreams too. But you are the last person that I can come to. You are the last person you want me to come to if I do need to talk. You seem to be in your own little world & the only way to get in your world is if you allow it. This is true for all of your family. There are so many things that I would love to talk to you about, but I will never be able to.

jenny198356
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 10:49 PM

Agreed...that is just what they told me and my husband at a marraige retreat we went to... He was also a pastor that did ours. I am just giving you information that might help.

Quoting mommywife06:

No its just when you say you are the last person I want to share my dreams fears with. If you was to say I feel hurt because I cant come to you with my dreams and fears he wont feel so attacked. Thats what our pastor told us

Quoting skywatcher1973:

How is this finger pointing? I am telling him the way I feel. & that we need Gods help if we want this to work.

Quoting jenny198356:

 I will say one thing about your letter...in marraige retreat that i went to they said to never point fingers. Not that you cant get out your feelings, just do it without it seeming like an attack against him. So instead of saying  YOU DO THIS>..say I FEEL ____ WHEN YOU DO THIS...that way it is getting your feelings out without attacking.




Cisri1974
by on Sep. 7, 2009 at 10:51 PM

Very nice, well-thought-out letter.  Although I am not a religious person, I do hope it helps you and your husband.  I did watch Fireproof myself (I work at a fire department, how could I not) and thought even with the religion (I'm Agnostic and tend to get a little freaked out with overly religious stuff) in it was a very good movie.  The core principles spoken of that Kirk Cameron follows with his wife are ones that, to me, easily transfer into people's lives despite religious beliefs (or lack thereof).  Good luck, hon.  I'll be cheering for you!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)