Marrying a non-member

Replies:

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• by
  • chocolatehottie
  on Jul. 7, 2009 at 6:16 PM

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  Quoting MamaOf3Ms:
  
  

  I grew up in a mother-member/father-inactive family.  I never felt judged because we were just one of many families like this in our ward.  What I can tell you from experience is that in most of those families the daughters became active members, served mission etc. while the boys (my brothers included) went the way of their fathers.  You have to ask yourself if you are alright with your son/future-son following the example of your boyfriend/fiance because he will most likely identify with the parent of his sex.

  
   

  My son is 11, will be 12 and receiving the Priesthood next year, which I am very excited for...to have the Priesthood in the home.

  For me personally, I am not at all worried about a non-member step-parent influencing him. He has a very strong, very active Grandfather, my Dad, who takes him to church and lives right next door. He has many, many excellent examples of strong and faithful men right in our neighborhood. It's not something I am worried about.

  His possible step-parent would be demonstrating to my son and my daughters how a loving marriage would be. And that's something precious and dear that anyone, inside and outside of the Church could do. I hope he pays attention to that.

  My son's bio father is a member of the Church. However, he abandoned me when I got pregnant with him. Let's hope he doesn't follow his example or influence!

   

  ~Matthew McConaughey is my husband~

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• by
  • Joeysmom109
  on Jul. 8, 2009 at 9:53 PM

• Hi everyone reading this post has caused me to remember all the pain and happiness I have felt in three  years.    I am married to a non member.   I was raised in an lds household by parents who were sealed in the temple.  My father did not keep with his side of the  bargain , ended up cheating on my mother and eventually was excomunicated from the church.  Basically I grew up with a mother who was always faithful in the church despite the trials that were sent her way. All but one of my siblings are inactive.  I was inactive when I met my husband and swore to myself I would never return to the gospel but becoming a mother has changed all that for me.  My husband is a sweet caring husband and a doting father  but he is not lds.  That is a big deal to me and I feel that anyone who says its not for them is seriously lying to themselves.  For the girl who asked if she should marry a nonmember.  Well ask yourself these questions:  Would you enjoy going to the temple by yourself?  Would you mind sitting by yourself just you and your children at church while all the other families are sitting together?  Would you mind saying your " family prayers" with just your children?  Do you mind having family home evening on night when youre husband is not home, Do you mind having to call someone else to give your child a blessing when there sick ?  Do you mind having to explain to your children why daddy does the sign of the cross but you don't ?  Do you mind conteplating all the time if you will ever be sealed to your sweet babies?  Do you mind having to play bad cop when noone wants to observe the sabbath.  Do you mind having your husbands friends and family think that youre a weirdo?  Do you mind being the faithful anchor of your family all the time?  Is this something youre strong enough to do?  then go right ahead but it wont be an easy road trust me.  Im not saying I regret marrying my husband  because I love him with all my heart but there are times when a big gush of sadness grabs hold of my body.  A sister once told me that who knows maybe I made a promise to my husband a long time ago before this life that I would help him get to where he is suppose to be.  I tell myself that all the time when our life gets too difficult.

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• by
  • melody77
  on Jul. 9, 2009 at 1:11 PM

• my father is like a non member the way he never attended church at least fo what i have seen. i think if you truly want to have all the blessings of the temple and want your children to have more of a chance to live the gospel to it's fullest that you think of what kind of man you marry in bring into your home as an example. being that he needs to be example and not only you. if this man truly loves you and accepts you then maybe you can try to have him in earnest learn of your faith. i have no doubt that if a person is ready and with an open heart would convert into the church. sometimes if takes some to love to make this happen in their life. this lady in my old ward was dating a non member and she decided not to marry him cause in the end she want her husband to be able to bless her children and have an eternal marriage. well he converted and believe me that has made their marraige the strongest and they are the prime example of what the lord can do for those who are meant to be. so if this guy coverts then you are to be if this man is will not be of your faith in the time you are together never marry him. you have a special obligation to your children and future children to bring the full gospel into their lives. you can have a content life together but to have a fully enriched life with a non member i just don't see if possible.

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• by
  • melody77
  on Jul. 9, 2009 at 1:20 PM

• it sounds like your making excuses to yourself to convince yourself it's ok to marry this guy but remember what you have been taught and what temple blessings and what you owe to your children. what are your true standards and are you lowering them right now for this man? there must be some mormon guy out there that you are meant to be with. regardless of how strong this man is in god doesn't make up for what god wants you to be fulfilled with in our particular faith. there is so much more to our faith that most find so hard to accept. i think you really need to put your kids first in this. what is best for them. i think having the priest hood is great but it shouldn't fall on the shoulders a young boy with no afther ti support and uphold the values of the priesthood.

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• by
  • Pixiedoll
  on Jul. 10, 2009 at 9:02 AM

• I am married to a non member. I did not read all the posts above me but i read some and i have to say i think i have it pretty luky. My husband while we were dating would go to church with me when he could, he worked one sunday out of three but usally even on those days was able to go to sacrament with me. He does not smoke or drink he had a problem with swearing for awhile but i have to say that cleared up fast once our son was born,ds was only a few months old and dh stopped swearing. He goes to church with me every sunday since he has a better job no and he goes to sunday school and then preisthood by his self since i am a nursery leader. He also has a calling at church he is the 11 year old scout leader for our ward and he loves it.  He has always been open to hearing about the church from me and my parents (we live in the same town and ward and are at there house at least twice a week for dinner) I think living close to my family and all has helped him he is not interested in becoming a member but he said that may change after he reads the bom, and hopefully we can start again soon.

  I will admit it is hard sometimes with no preisthood in the house but I love my husband and would not trade him for anything. So  my advice is go with your heart.

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• by
  • ValZ1234
  on Jul. 10, 2009 at 4:26 PM

• I married my high school sweetheart who also happens to have been a non-member. All during high school he would attend church with me and then just hang out at my house because he knew that it was the sabbath and we didn't go out. When we did get married we were married by my bishop and he gladly went through all the counseling with me. Once we had kids he fully supported me in raising them in the church. My dad was the one that had to bless them and it did make my husband sad. After about 10 year of marriage both my husband and sister-in-law were baptised. I think that if your belief in the church is strong then it can affect anybody. You should know the person pretty well to even be thinkng about marriage and talk about these things. Then see if he'll kneel down and pray with you. Prayer should always help lead your way.

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• by
  • TamiJ7775
  on Jul. 10, 2009 at 10:41 PM

• I know alot of gals have answered this.  I do have to say that it can really depend on the couple and guy.  Both of my Husbands were non members when I met and married them.  My first husband had the discussions twice and he never got baptized.  It was that and his choice of lifestyle that eventually led to our divorce.  My second husband was also a non-member, I did not push him to get baptized.  Before we met I was only dating LDS guys because I wanted the eternal family.  I met him and immediately set him aside because he was a non member, but within a few days I knew that I had to give him a chance.  3 weeks later we were married, it has now been nearly 6 wonderful glorious years.  The person that you are intended to be with that is your life partner may not be LDS.

  I was told once that not every member is destined to marry members, that there are some that their main task is to convert a "family" through a marriage.  I believe with all my heart that this is the case with me. 

  My story does have a happy ending, my dh was baptized with my 8 year old son just over a year after we met.  He had two missionary discussions before he agreed that it was the right thing to do.  I do have to say that he does still struggle some days with the WoW but he is working on it and that is what matters.

  I guess I have to say there is hope with every non-member that they will hear the truth and accept the gospel one day. Good luck, pray about it and you will know the answer.
  

  

• 
• by
  • chocolatehottie
  on Jul. 11, 2009 at 1:12 AM

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  Quoting Joeysmom109:
  
  

  For the girl who asked if she should marry a nonmember.  Well ask yourself these questions:  Would you enjoy going to the temple by yourself?

  Actually, if I ever made it to the Temple, I'd just be happy to be there, no matter who I was or was not with. My Aunt and countless friends and relatives have done it and it doesn't mean any less to them. Or to Heavenly Father.

  Quoting Joeysmom109:
  
  

   Would you mind sitting by yourself just you and your children at church while all the other families are sitting together? 

   

  I don't mind, it's what I do now. A family is a family, whether or not there's a father present. And my ward is great, and we have many supportive fellow members. My kids already know that families come in different sizes and circumstances, because we are already living it.

  Would you mind saying your " family prayers" with just your children?

  We do that now. And I don't see why the non-member husband wouldn't be there or bow his head quietly and respectfully. There's really nothing "Mormony" about our prayers, except maybe asking blessings upon the Prophet and missionaries, which is what we do.

   

   Do you mind having family home evening on night when youre husband is not home,

  Nope, never had a husband there at any previous FHE. So, no, we don't mind one bit!
  

   Do you mind having to call someone else to give your child a blessing when there sick ? 

  They get them at sickness and at the beginning of every school year. My Dad gives them and loves to. It's a blessing in his life for him to do that for the grandkids he loves. And if he wer unable to, we have some awesome Home Teachers, and that is precisely what they are there for.

  Also, my son will be 12 next year and receiving the Priesthood into our home.

   Do you mind having to explain to your children why daddy does the sign of the cross but you don't ? 

  
  

  Not at all. They know not everyone in the world is LDS, and are always interested in learning about other people.Extra knowledge is wonderful, and I encourage it.

    Do you mind conteplating all the time if you will ever be sealed to your sweet babies? 

  
  

  Sometimes, but I do that anyway, a nonmember husband wouldn't change that.

  Do you mind having your husbands friends and family think that youre a weirdo? 

  I'm naturally a weirdo, LDS or not. He'd most likely be here in Utah with me, so it'd probably be the other way around, haha!

   

  Basically, I feel as a never-been-married, single mom raising 3 kids in Utah Valley, no less, that I am already the faithful anchor for my family. I feel that Heavenly Father has blessed me with the right people in my life to help me raise valiant daughters and a son of God. My kids are on the right track spiritually, though far from perfect.

  I think adding a loving, kind, respectful step-parent who shows their Mom love and respect and affection is always going to be an asset, regardless of religion.
  

  ~Matthew McConaughey is my husband~

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• by
  • AMBsMOMMY
  on Jul. 11, 2009 at 1:40 PM

• Hello, I just thought I would add my story to the line up. I was married to a non-member and we really did have the ideal marriage in most cases. But then again there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. I had hopes of him joining but he never did. We were divorced but are still great friends and our daughter goes to church with me. She is raised jointly by both of us. Now I have been remarried to another non-member we still have a great marriage and he is also a major influential person in my daughters life. He does listen to everything I have to say about church. Sometimes he will challenge things but I am pretty sure that is his way of learning things. My husband and I are expecting our first child and we can't wait. He has agreed that our child will be blessed. He has no problem at all with me going to church though and participating in several activities. We have a very healthy life, Granted he does drink and smoke but that is not for me to judge we have rules about it all and he obeys them. So that's really all you can ask for. I have never complained about my life and have no regrets about it either. I have to say I grew up in a Non Member family, til this day its me and my grandma and grandpa who are members. I seek their advice all the time. So I do for one believe the marriage can work.

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• by
  • Allebas
  on Jul. 11, 2009 at 7:14 PM

• I am a convert who married a member whose been a member his whole life. I have met A LOT of people who HAVE been sealed in the temple and end up divorced!! A temple marriage is NO MORE a "GUARANTEE" of a life-long marriage than a civil marriage!!! I have also met A LOT of couples where one person is a member and the other is NOT, and of course, they have a civil marriage, and are VERY, VERY HAPPY!!! I think you just need to take things slowly and see how it goes! Personally, the "ONLY MARRY A MEMBER" attitude gets to be a bit RIDICULOUS to me!!! Would you rather marry someone whose a member, but you REALLY aren't in love with them and be MISERABLE and end up getting a divorce, OR, marry a NON-MEMBER who you are TRULY HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH and be TOTALLY HAPPY and live HAPPILY EVER AFTER?? I have a BIL who married someone who "PRETENDED" to be VERY ACTIVE in the Church just so she could marry him!!! He REFUSED to marry outside the temple!! SOOOO--she did EVERYTHING she was suppose to do long enough to get a temple recommend!! They got married in the temple. For a FEW SHORT years, they BOTH attended Church together. She got him to go TOTALLY INACTIVE, they have NOT gotten their twins baptized, even though they are 8 years-old, she drinks coffee, probably drinks booze, has tattoos she did NOT have before getting married, she wears SLUTTY clothes ETC!!!!! SOOOO--see---even IF you marry a member, there is NEVER a "GUARANTEE" that person will STAY an active member!!!!!

  Good luck to you!!!!

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