My Biological Dad is gone-How I said goodbye to someone so cruel-I am so Brokenhearted.
This has become one of the hardest times in my life..My real dad and I met about ten years ago and we spent a lot of time together at first...He came to my home for a birthday for me and my kids and I spent time with him at his house..We had a hard time at first getting to know one another because my mom wasn't saying he was my dad but, he was saying he was and that my mom was lying only to protect me from him..
I knew deep in my heart when I saw him for the first time that he was my dad and then once I met the rest of the family I knew I was his dad cause I was a spitting image of my grandma..The hardest part was trying to deal with my dad because he served in Vietnam and had be messed up by a landmine..He wasn't always right in the head..But, he was on medications for it and sometimes I think they were too high of doses for him to deal with..Plus, he was using drugs on top of those drugs he was taken
This man was probably one of the cruelest men you could ever met but, when I first met him he was one of the men in my life that I loved and cherished the most...I forgave him for not being there when I was younger and I knew it wasn't his fault..that had to do with my grandparent's and my mom why he was not there for me when I was younger..He kept telling me he tried to find me but, nobody would tell him where I was and my grandpa threatened to kill him if he came near me..I forgave him because I knew it was not his fault for not being there..I know how my family was when I was growing up
The part that hurts me now is called me one night about two and a half years ago at my Uncle's house in the yard my dad and I got into a cussing match....he was cussing me like I was some kind of dog and I blew up all over him...I said some pretty nasty things to him and when I finally caught myself and stopped to walk away from him..He walked around to the front of the house and in front of my three children was cussing and calling my mom all kinds of names in front of my children...Thank God my future husband (who is my husband now) and my Uncle were there cause they saw me going for my Dad and they stood behind me...I walked right into my Dad's face and told him to shut his mouth he was not going to talk like that about my mom in front my kids ever and he needed to leave...My Dad of course didn't stop and he told my Uncle I should be the one who was leaving and My Uncle stood his ground and told his own brother that if he was going to continue to treat his own daughter like that he could leave and not come back...Well, my Dad left and I stood there and cried my eyes out cause I just wanted all the lies to stop then and there..But, he was just going to keep them going
I gave myself and him a couple of weeks to cool off and I tried calling him to talk too him and tell him that I was sorry that I lost my temper but, he was cussing me and my mom and I was not having that ever..Well, he didn't answer his phone but, I had left a message telling him how much I loved him and I was so sorry that he felt that cussing me and lying was the answer to everything...Well, at two a.m. that night he calls me back screaming and cussing me and telling me he wanted nothing else to do with me ever again and to stay away from him..Well, needless to say I done that and a few weeks later I saw him in the middle of Walmart..He walks up to me and say's "Baby Girl, why haven't you called me? why haven't you been around? and why are you looking at me that way?" I about fell over in the middle of Walmart..I just looked at him and said "You have some balls to walk up to me and ask me anything"..He said he didn't know what I was talking about and I reminded him that he called my house cussing me like I was some kind of dog and telling me to stay away from...He looked at me and told me that he never meant to say that it must have been his medications..I just looked at him and told him I knew it wasn't the medications..He was using too many other drugs and until he cleaned up his life I did not want him in mine or my kids
Well, he choose not to clean up his life and he continued doing things that were so out of line and he made other family members lives pure Hell...I just kept my distance from him and protect my kids from hearing anything more about him...Then on, July 23rd, 2008 I got a call from my Uncle telling me that my Dad was found dead in his trailer..
I went up there and spoke to the police at the trailer cause they were still there investigating the scene...All I know is my Dad died from a gunshot wound to the head...Do I believe my Dad killed himself? NO, even being screwed up in the head from drugs my dad wouldn't do that and I know that from the bottom of my heart and everyone else who knows him doesn't believe he would shoot himself either...The police are not giving us any answers and a lot of people believe that someone killed my dad cause of all the cover up on the police departments part right now...Do I think someone killed my dad? Yes, and I am not sure who done it but, I hired someone to help me find out...
Right now, I am dealing with trying to find out what happened to my Dad and dealing with the fact that even though he was such a cruel person he was my dad and I loved him...I wanted a relationship with him very badly and I knew if I had a little more time my dad and I would have fixed this in the end...I am having a hard time dealing with his loss right now and I am trying very hard not to end up breaking down and losing it but, it is so hard because there are so many things left unsaid between my dad and me..And, now dealing with someone may have killed him is making it even harder to deal with because to me that means someone took away my chance of ever having a chance to fix our relationship or to ever find out the truth to all the lies...
I miss my Dad very much and I had already lost some much time with him and now I will never ever be able to fix what he broke in the end even more..I love you Daddy with all my heart and I hope that someday we will met again and be able to fix what you finished destroying between a father and daughter...
Written by the owner of this group Tammy Leu (Brokenhearted and torn apart)