Tell Me Who You Have Lost In Your Life That Was Important To You And Your Life.

[tammyleuhall]

Tell me who you have lost and hopefully, by your posts we can all find common ground to be able to talk to one another. Here is a list of people I think people may have lost if I missed anyone important please put them in your post.
Your Mom? Your Dad? Your Sister? Your Brother? Your Grandbaby? Your Aunt? Your Uncle? Your Cousin? Your Grandpa? Your Grandma? Your Husband? Your Mother-In-Law? Your Father-In-Law? Your Sister-In-Law? Your Brother-In-Law? Your Grandpa-In-Law? Your Grandma-In-Law? Your Best Friend (this includes a child of your own you were close to and who was your best friend)? Your Friend? Your Ex Husband? Your Ex Lover? Your Ex Boyfriend? The Father Of One Of Your Children? Your First Love? Your Coworker? Your Role Model? A Friend's Child That You Were Close To? Someone You Were In Love With But, They Did Not Know You Were In Love With Them? Your Best Friend's Husband? Or Anyone Who Played An Important Role In Your Life?
I hope I listed people you lost that you feel were important to you. Please just post who is was and then make another post about your story of this person.

[bmal]

Hey My name is Missy I'. 28 and I lost m grandfather when I was 18.  It will be 10yrs May 17 and it still bothers me a lot.  My papa was my 2nd daddy, my daddy was a druck driver so my papa was there when my daddy was gone on trips.  I'll share the story of how he died.  We lived beside eachother and I was in our house getting ready to go to bed I had started working 3rd.  Well my nanny called and said Missy your papa done fell at the barn I said ok and ran through the house.  My daddy was home and I told him as I was running through the house.  I got down to the barn and he was laying on his side up againt a oil drum.  We tried to move him but he was in so much pain we couldnt.  I called 911 and off to the hospital I couldnt stand to see him this way so I left.  4:00 in the morning they called the family back and put him in icu.  As I was walking in the room I heard the moniter slow long beep.  I have wished so many times I would have been there to help him not to fall but I cant go back.  The day my papa got hurt he had talked to my daddy and said " son I'm ready to go home" (heaven) a little under 24 hours and he was home.....  I know this might sound crazy but I have heard him call my name.  I miss him so much still he was the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jan 5-1915-May 17-1998

[davecswife]

Hi i'm new my name is Tye. I lost my Grandmal June on oct. 16,2004.
I was at work when i got the call I was only 16 . I was mad cause I only got 16 years with her. She was everthing to me. i got prego at 18 and had my daughter on can you belive it Oct. 16, 2004. So I gave her the middle name June after my grandmal.

  I met and married my Dh, I loved his sister. She passed away July 10, 2006 We were close in age. only 3yrs differnce. Well i only known her 8 months before she OD on drugs. She made me feel welcome. Since DH's older bro hates me more now that Tara passed. It's hard She was my best friend/ Sil. She never got to met her Nephew Zachary.

My DH's grandpal died on His and I's Birthday. Dec. 11, 2007. That was hard cause I was close to him. He always had some smart remark to make you laugh. He also made me feel welcome. I hated my birthday that day. Since Paw Pal didn't get to celabrate it with me.

[sarlexdrew06]

Hello, I am Sara. I'm a single mom to 2 beautiful kids. Alexis 12 and Andrew 2.

I first lost my Grandma on 7/28/93 this was 3 weeks before my lil sister was born. She was so excited about the baby coming cause there hadnt been a baby girl in a long time. The Night befor she died, we went to visit her, keep in mind she was ill or anything, we went on a walk around the neighborhood talking to neighbors we hadnt in years. then the next morning, she wasnt feeling good and had called her doctor asking for a refill on her meds and he told her that he needed to see her first. That morning on her way to work ON THE FREEWAY some jerk rear ends her, she was so nervous she pulled over and the person took off, my grandma got out of the car to look at the damage and collapsed on the freeway and died from a heartattack.

this makes me so sad everyday that someone can be so cruel. she was 63 yrs old.

I lost my father on 2/4/97. unfortunately he was an alcoholic and it took a tole on his liver and kidneys, he was told he needed dialysis to survive or would die in 12 months. well he didnt want to be poked and proded with needles and died 11 months later from being selfish and taking off so that we couldnt find him. when we recvd the call that he was at the hospital in a coma, it was so hard for me. he died 14 days later. i have had dreams of my dad coming to talk to me and let me know answers to things i had talkd to him about at the hospital, it gives me closure. so these are the 2 MOST important people i have lost and it hurts me everyday. i wish my grandma and daddy were here to see my kids grow up like i did.

[DanielleluvDils]

Hi Tammy and everyone - I am Danielle, 28, with one son Dillon Ray who is 18 months old - Thank you for this group - I have lost my best friend - now it has been 7 years but everyday I struggle with this lost - his name was Justin, he took his own life - he was my every thing, my other half soul mate - he could always calm my fears, laugh with me, not at me, he understood who I was and just accepted it we had been friends for over 12 years it all started when I was 11 - I was younger then and didn't understand really why I missed him being so sad that he took is own life - he left a letter - which to this day his family keeps from me - because it involves me - there are some close friends that do know what that letter said and refuse to tell me also - but I got a few clips - and to this day and forever on I will have that guilt - that I didn't know - I didn't see - he had more feelings for me and never told me and it ate him up inside to see me with other guys, we had never even thought about a romantic relationship in those 12 years - he was like a brother. When I met my DH 8 years ago - it made him snap - and I guess I was to young to know the signs.

I will never be right - I have no one like him to talk to - half of me is missing - I would love for him to be right here with me and I think if he would have lived - I would have grown up a little and seen - maybe be with him today who knows but it will forever haunt me. It has changed the way I talk to people I never really open up to anyone like that again - I don't share my feeling like I should and hold everything inside - which is not doing any good for my health.  If I have a grave to visit I might be a little better - but his mother made it so that no one can - he was cremated and put into a sundial urn and it stays at her house - and going back there where he commited suicide I just can't bring myself to do it. There is just so much I want to say and can't.

Anyways that is my story. Thanks for listening

[RIPKAYLA5292008]

It seems i have lost a lot of ppl in my life and it gets harder everytime
when i was eight i lost my father then at thirteen i lost my grandfather.... at 16 i lost my best friend mallie, and on the 29 i lost my favoritist cousin in the whole world probly due to suicide... i feel i didnt even have a chance to help that i wasnt there as much as i should have been, being a new mom is hard to be there for someone else but the baby.. is this a normal feeling to have?

[cattitude_1998]

Hi, my name is Cathy.  I just lost my Father Tuesday on May 27th.  I know its still early but I am having trouble dealing with his death.  He lived 2 hours away from me for the past 10 years but after my Grandmother was put into a nursing home at 90 years of age and his own health had deteriorated to the point that he couldn't live so far away by himself he moved here in September 2007.  He lived alone but only 2 minutes from me in a 55 and older community.  He came to me with Congestive Heart Failure, Prostate Cancer and severe arthritis in his hips and numerous other health conditions.  He was always VERY independent and we weren't terribly close over the years which I regret but I had no control over that.  My family would go visit him and my Grandmother about 3 times a year and even at my Grandmother's age he and she would come to see us also about 3 times a year.  She got around pretty good up to 90 years old until she fell and had to have surgery and landed in a nursing home.  My father never accepted her being in the nursing home.  They were extremely close and because of his failing health, he couldn't care for her.  He could barely care for himself.  He was here only 8 months prior to his death.  Even though I knew he wasn't well I really didn't expect it to be so soon.  I guess I felt sort of like I just got him back.  I had just got him settled in his apartment and I had only in January got his prescriptions to where he only paid between $2 and $5 each.  He was on so many and they were so expensive.  I was cleaning his apartment for him when I could which was hard since I also work, have my own house to clean and a 10 year old son who is very active in baseball.  He needed me more than I was available but I was torn.  I didn't spend as much time with him as I probably should have.  I was very overwhelmed almost the entire time.  What little free time I had before he got here was then consumed and IF I ever didn't go do something for him I felt guilty.  Oh, the joys of life.  He knew I did what I could for him.  He knew I was only a couple minutes away.  I am just consumed with regret and guilt right now.  Somehow I feel like I let him down. Maybe there was something I could have done but didn't.  This has been the hardest thing I have ever dealth with besides after having my son having to leave him at the hospital for 12 days in NICU. That was a complete and utter nightmare.  He is happy and health 10 year old thank God!  But the death of my father is about to kill me.  I thought I was ok but then I'm not and then I am, then I'm not.  Please someone tell me it gets better.  I am about to go crazy.

[Heraccess]

Lately it seems like death is all around me. 8 years ago I lost my 4 year old cousin a couple weeks be my baby was due. It hit me hard, I use to babysit him all the time. Two years ago I lost my brother, he drowned. 8 months ago I lost a friend to a car accident.  1 month ago my grandma who raised me died, I watched her suffer for months and I knew it was here time to go. Her death seemed so different from the rest. I saw her  an hour after she did. I know she isn't suffering anymore. I haven't been the same since she's been gone. We were very close. My husband doesn't know how to be there for me. He means well, but everything he says is just not good for me. He tries to give me answers to why people have to die. I just want him to listen to me. I have to keep myself busy so I won't think about her all the time, because I'll start crying. I have good days and bad days. Haven't been able to sleep, because my last image of her is when she was dead. Her death has made me question so much. Just need someone to talk to. That understands.

[Heraccess]

I probably won't be much help to you. But I do understand where you're coming from. My grandma just passed away a month ago. I lived about 10 minutes away. I feel there was more I could have done for her since I stayed so close, visited her more. The pass few months I couldn,t take seeing her because I could see her slowly fading before my eyes. I know she is in a better place now, no longer suffering. When she died it felt like the end of the world. I have bad days and good days, they seem to be getting better. Been keeping myself extra busy. I don't know how long the pain will last.  I've been telling my kids lots of funny stories about my grandma and it seems to work and I feel better.  Sorry for your lost.

  Sorry I didn't introduce myself, my name is Renee

[g-manae]

I'M FEELING LOST...MY BEST FRIEND OF OVER 40 YRS. IS DIEING OF CANCER.  SHE FOUND OUT JUST OVER 2 MONTHS AGO SHE HAD LUNG CANCER, WITHIN A SHORT TIME (2 WEEKS) SHE WAS TOLD THE CANCER WAS ALSO IN HER SPINE, EDRENAL GLAND AND BRAIN.  I HAVE BEEN SPENDING AS MUCH TIME AS I POSSIBLY CAN WITH HER KNOWING SHE WILL BE LEAVING SOON.  I GIVE HER (IF WE'RE LUCKY, 2 WKS). 
WHAT MAKES THIS HARDER FOR ME IS, I LOST MY MOM OCT. 23, 2007, 8 MONTHS AGO OF A VERY RARE DISEASE CALLED PRIMARY SYSTEMIC AMYLOIDOSIS.  NOT ONLY WAS SHE MY MOM, BOSS, & GOING OUT BUDDY BUT MOST OF ALL SHE WAS THE MOST UNDERSTANDING, LOVING, FRIEND ANYONE COULD ASK FOR.  
STARTING IN 1978 MY FAMILY HAD 9 DEATHS IN 13 MONTHS.  FROM AN UNCLE THAT DIED AT A WEDDING RECEPTION FROM A HEART ATTACK, AN AUNT, AN 18 YR. OLD COUSIN FROM A DRUNK DRIVER, A COUSIN THAT COMMITTED SUICIDE, AND MY GRANDMA THAT LIVED WITH US THAT I HELPED TAKE CARE OF AFTER A STROKE, AND SOME OUT OF TOWNERS THAT I WASN'T REAL CLOSE TO.  5 YRS. AGO I LOST A COUSIN (WHOS BIRTHDAY I SHARE) TO BRAIN CANCER.  THEN ENDING WITH AN UNCLE TO LEUKEMIA. 
IN 1981, 1 MONTH AFTER I GOT MARRIED MY RING BEARER DIED AT THE AGE OF 6 WITH CANCER.  IF IT WEREN'T FOR MEDS THAT I STARTED TAKING IN DECEMBER I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO.  RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE I'M BESIDE MYSELF. 

[kea1954]

On August 11, 2007 I lost my grandson.  He was 6 years old.  When he was born, my husband and I moved from where we were living to be closer to him.  I have 6 other grandchildren, but his death hit me very hard.  I had taken care of him since he was 6 days old.  When his mom worked, I had him, when she didn't she was at our home with him.  He also lived with us for half of his life.  It is hard to put into words the loss I feel.  His death has been ruled as the result of abuse, but we are finding each day more evidence that this just isn't so.  So not only do we have to deal with his loss, but the incompetence of the investigation into his death.

I know time heals all wounds, but this wound keeps getting opened.