I truly believe not vaxing is the healthiest route to take. I feel very strongly about not vaxing, but I don't have much knowledge to feel entirely confident. I'm panicking, because my son's 9 month well-baby is coming up and vaxing is going to come up because I refused the 6 month shots and said I wanted to hold off. Pedi and I talked a little. He's not going to kick us out if we don't but "would prefer his kids vaxed." He doesn't seem to know very much about vaccines, which freaked me out even more than him not knowing much about not vaxing. He "doesn't check titers" and seemed to not really know about checking them, and he "doesn't think he can order the vaccines separately" if I wanted them separate. He gave me his "top 3" vaxes to get, one of which was the mmr because it can kill kids- and recently a distant family member who doesn't vax told me the cdc website lists autism as a known side effect of the mmr. I haven't checked that yet for myself though. I remember learning in biology about the body's immune system and vaccines, and how getting a shot messes with immune system because it bypasses primary and secondary responses. At the time I found it weird but brushed it off because I then learned about herd immunity. I am so terrified of making this decision. I'm so not comfortable with vaccines (and I myself got every vax except chicken pox). But I am so afraid of my son being the one to catch some outdated illness and dying/being seriously maimed because I chose not to get him vaxed. Plus, I'm afraid of being pushed to vax because I don't argue my point well enough or have enough "good reasons." I'm not afraid to argue bf or erf, because I know those are best. But I'm at a complete loss when it comes to this. I feel in my heart I shouldn't get him vaxed (anymore than he has been) but I need more than just a feeling backed up by small arguments. I need to KNOW I'm making the right choice either way. And I need help because I'm panicking and having an anxiety attack and all I know is I'm going to be told to do my research but I don't know how or where to look... Help me. Someone. Anyone.