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(looong!) Do your relatives know u r No-Vax? IS GRANDMA TOO INVOLVED?

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 2:08 PM
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i convinced DH that we were ABSOLUTELY NOT was when DS 4mo old.
DH is definitely on board with me and even though he wont directly admit it, he says to others just how,healthy DS is....(and i WANT to say to DH...."see honey, being no-vax IS ACTUALLY MUCH MUCH HEALTHIER!!!") & he also says, oh it b/c DS is not in daycare.

Based on MY FEELINGS,AND the following info.
a) DO U THINK THAT GRANDMA/my mom IS WAAY TOO INVOLVED....or is she a fairly typical Grandma????
b) DO U THINK SHE WOULD/COULD go and try to get DS vaxxed???? (either by bringing a,needle/syringe from her hospital OR taking him to clinic without my consent)

I HAVENT REALLY EVER TRUSTED MY MOM....ever since i was 10yrs old....she is a,sweet woman, thoughtful, caring, gets alot clothes, toys for DS, drives an hour to visit weekly. **THERE IS NO FOOLING ME, $$ AND SHOWERING ME AND MY DS/DH WITH GIFTS DOES NOT EQUATE,TO TRUST**
Unfortunately, she has,been know to smile but talk nasty behind your back, i have seen/heard her in action...i know i know that was, 20+yrs ago....AND I KNOW that people dont CHANGE their personality, that much. She has done some jerk moves to me in past like whwn i was,13 trying to shove a spoonful of food in my mouth because she was mad i wasnt eating enougj, mind you I WAS 13....She also tried feeding DS applesauce RIGHT AFTER I TOLD HER WE ARE ONLY VEGGIES NOW.....the ignored me and said well he likes it though.....i then tiok DS away from her...MY POINT IS,TO SAY...SHE SIMPLY DECIDED NOT TO LISTEN TO ME, AND I WAS RIGHT THERE...SOOOOif she EVER WAS TO BE alone with DS....i really really am NOT convinced that she would RESPECT MY WORDS...seeing as she didnt on a basic level with the appesause....Am i just ParaNoid...or Do I Really have good Rational thoughts?? SHE is,conniving...she always has been. She thinks little white lies ae o.k...and i am such the opposite, i speak MY TRUTH (ALMOST TO A FAULT).

Soooo, waaay back when DS was 2mo old i pulled out my old vax chart from when i was a baby and COMPARED it to what the doctors suggest....i showed it to her and i am pretty sure she knows,that i think vax is TERRIBLE.(Remember she is a nurse, knows how to give injections, etc)

DH and i took DS to 4mo appt and that went fine height/weight...and then we stopped going. I didnt say a word to my DH, and he didnt say anything either....fine by me b/c i think Well Baby visits,are Ridiculously wasteful (esp. If u have a healthy child and u r NoVax)

My mom has been "visiting"/vacuums carpet/brings food/toys, etc" EVERY WEEK SINCE DS WAS 2mo old.

Past 7 months she says "oh lets see how much he weighs-she knows we dont own a scale"....and i think (quite confident she knows that i havent been taking DS to well- baby appts.
Then i say o.k...and she says oh yep, you're doing great job, taking care of DS and you get him outside alot (we live in Midwest where it gets -10° some days) and she is,really sweet and says,she Really Really LOVES LOVES THIS LITTLE GUY, MORE THAN I WILL ever know....
IF I WERE TO READ INTO THAT particular statement more....i would say she is waay too in love and i would think she might be capable of definitely overstepping her bounds.

Remember, she is the SAME WOMAN WHO told me (in the hospital- 6hrs after giving birth, Ohhhh u should REALLY REALLY CONSIDER CIRCUMSIZING!!!!, she said she has had patients who are nit circ'd and get an infection and its terribly painful. I Think i said "oh " and didnt wven bother hashing it out, because a)i had just given birth, i have no need to discuss a topic that i am MOT CHANGING MY DECISION AND b) WTF.....this,is MY SON....NOT YOURS, NOT YOURS *ever*!!! She tried to lay it on me again when DS was couple wks old, by saying he would be sterile if he got sick......I also looked that BS up on web and our favorite (not) CDC said Orchitis is soooo rare it is about 0.02%...and it is just ridiculous how she is sooo SHEEPLE, AND WELL am including that facet of her personality as,fodder b/c she could EASILY (MAYBE SHE ALREADY IS...) BE ONE OF THOSE Sheeple...i dont know....but i KNOW that she was,totally fine with hospital protocal stating she get TDaP for her job. That itself tells,me she is,allright with vacc.

since i told her sooo long ago (back at 4mo Well-baby visit) oh DS is in 'x' percentile for height/weight...and i havent said "oh I have to take DS to appt, could u come along and help..." I asked her to come help me with getting my haircut, so she could watch DS at salon for 30 minutes. I have a suspicion she knows/thinks we dont vax. Truthfully, even if she was all agreeing and such.....Her real personality is to talk behind your back to others (like her sister-also in medical field)....I definitely betcha she would go off on a tangent and TRY TO scheme up a plan to try to vax DS.....whether to covince me she should babysit..or that she....who knows..the wonan has always had an "alibi"/"white lie" she says...oh u can just ....She never says,"well u should speak the truth"...she has NEVER OUTRIGHTLY SAID TO MY FACE "Oh you make the rules, i am just tbe,grandma...i respect that you EBF, i respect that you are particular abiut Elimination Communication...etc...."

Finally, i am aware i Am a VERY very particular momma, and i dedicate all my energy to this DS, hence all my decisions are Very imporTnt, decisions +energy go to EBF, EC, homeschool, teach spanish, Wear him in a Boba/sling, BLW ...

Thanks for taking the time to read AND HELP ME,THRU THIS situation that is really confounding me!!!!

your thoughts??

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 2:08 PM
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Replies (1-8):
by Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 5:52 PM

If you are that worried about her vaccinating him behind your back, then you need to sit down with her and discuss it. But if she doesn't know for sure that you are not vaxxing, why would you be worried that she would do that?

I think you should just sit down with her and lay out your expectations for when he is in her care. You don't have to even touch the vaccine subject. Just explain to her that you appreciate all she does for you and your family, but you would greatly appreciate it if you could feel confident in knowing that all of your wishes are being respected while you are away.

We don't discuss the fact that we are not vaxxing our DD with anyone outside of my family and close friends. DH's family is not supportive of us in pretty much anything, and they don't get to make any decisions regarding DD, so there's no need to tell them. It's not worth arguing over. It's our decision and their opinion doesn't matter.

by New Owner on Feb. 13, 2013 at 8:04 PM

All i can say at this point is if you are that worried about such a thing, do not leave your son in her care...... and if she were to go that far and vax your son against your will, i'd say that is grounds for arrest, and an order of protection/restraining order...sorry if it sounds harsh, but it IS your child's health at stake, if she were to do such a thing.   If/when the issue comes up, because it will at some point, you might even go so far as to say something like, 'gee if anyone ever tried to vaccinate our son against my and dh's will, we would consider criminal charges to be filed against the person who took him in for it.'   That might quell any ideas she might get.  

by Silver Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 11:22 AM
Legally she can't consent for vaccines or any treatment bc she isn't a parent or legal guardian. But if the person doesn't ask it could happen.
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by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 11:29 AM
She sounds pretty typical. Not sure why you are so worried about it if you've never had a cinversation about vaccines.
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by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 8:42 PM

My Mom does not agree with me not vaxing unless someone else makes a comment about not vaxing their child and then she's all "my daughter doesn't either!" like she's thrilled to contribute to the conversation.  But, in private, she has told me numerous times she does not agree with me.  We live extremely close to my parents and see them multiple times a week.  When he was younger (he's 4 now), I never left him alone with her unless it was in the evening when I knew his Dr's office was closed.  She worked day shift, so it really wasn't an issue, but I never let her watch him on a day off just in case.  I would like to think she wouldn't go against my decision, but there's been times I've wondered.  Once he reached 2 1/2 or so, she hasn't mentioned it since so hopefully she's figuring he *gasp!* actually made it through the baby stage and she's eased up a bit.

by Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 6:03 PM
I just would not leave him alone with her.
Yes it could be easy for her to get the vaccine and vax him.
But if she was caught and you pushed the issue, she could loss her nursing license.
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by New Owner on Feb. 16, 2013 at 8:41 PM

not only that, if such a thing were to happen, she could be arrested and charged with assault and risk of injury to a minor and would/should get put on the child abusers state registry. 

Quoting snowangel1979:

I just would not leave him alone with her.
Yes it could be easy for her to get the vaccine and vax him.
But if she was caught and you pushed the issue, she could loss her nursing license.

by Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 11:54 PM

My brother works for Glaxo Smith Kline. One of my sisters has a husband who had a kidney transplant and takes medication that suppresses his immune system- so she freaked on me hardcore about it. My other sister was rude about it for a little while. My mother pretended she supported me, but then in midst argument one day said that I was neglecting my children for not vaccinating them. It's an unspoken thing now.

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