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OT - Kindergarten Trauma - Help me ladies!!

Posted by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 10:03 PM
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I know this is OT but I really respect the views of the mamas in this group and i think we think a lot alike.

My five year old was so excited to go to kindergarten on the first day. But day two... not so much. I almost had him convinced but an overbearing teacher scared him out of it. He is very oversensitive to adults he is not comfortable with getting in his face or even being stern with him. He ran to the car and was screaming in the car for me to take him home. The teachers wanted to physically force him into the school.

I didn't allow that because I know him and I know I then will not be able to get him out of the house tomorrow. The last time we had a similar incident in preschool he was traumatized all around and mommy could not even leave the house and he would have anxiety in new places. We got through that and I don't want to go there again!

My question is... is it going to be necessary to do the 'drag him off kicking and screaming' thing because we're in a public school that will have limited tolerance to babying him into school? That seems to be the standard method for them but I just can't do it.

Am I totally insane and babying him? I just don't think traumatizing a five year old is necessary. But I have to work within the 'system'.

Any brilliant suggestions? We are going to try the bus ( I was driving him) and we will try hvaing him walk to school with a good friend also (without mommy around). I know I could do it if I was given enough freedom to transition him but not sure if I will get it. I'm in the proces of talking with the principal also.

BTW, I immediately started him on Rescue Remedy and Bach's Confidence Builder (too bad I didnt think of that a few weeks ago!!!)

My head is ready to explode.

Thank you Mamas!


by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 10:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
emmy526
by New Owner on Sep. 5, 2013 at 10:42 PM

I'd call the social worker at the school and tell her whats going on...maybe she can come up with some ideas...after the similar incident in preschool, did you find out the cause of the anxiety? what was the remedy back then?  did you seek help for him to over come new situations, and build some confidence?  or did you just wing it on your own?  It  sounds like it's time to get the help of the school, and figure out a plan.   If no reasonable plan comes up, can you homeschool for a while until this problem clears up?

Baby4us09
by Bronze Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 10:56 PM
1 mom liked this

in many states kindergarden isn't even required. School starts at age 7. Is that an option? HS for kindergarden? Im sorry I wouldn't let the teacher  touch him if he isn't comfterable. Kindergarden teachers should know they will be a bit apprehensive about going in. 5YO's are still little. Hope things work out for you. I once took my son out of school. mid year. thats a long story. But he got better and I had to work with him a lot. It was bad. Please fix it before it gets to the point it got with my son. Listen to him and see what can be done on both sides to calm him. If not I would HS him personally and then just put him in 1st grade. Not all 5YO's are ready for school at 5 either.

mjrex87
by Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 11:07 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't really have advice, but I just want to say that I don't think you are babying him. When I was 3 or 4, my mom put me in this program at the elementary school that was a couple hours, once a week. I was only a small child but I can clearly remember a few moments from it because it was so traumatizing. Things I remember:The teacher grabbing me at the door and peeling me off of my mom as my mom left me, screaming my head off. The teacher was so fed up with me once that she put me in a chair, facing the wall in the corner of the room, again, screaming my head off. I also remember running out of the classroom after my mom and the teacher grabbing me and pulling me back in. I was a VERY shy child and leaving me kicking and screaming to "get over it" or whatever they were thinking did nothing to remedy that. I'm still shy. I would rather my child remember me being a loving and comforting parent who didn't force him/her into a situation s/he wasn't ready for than the things I remember.

Baby4us09
by Bronze Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 11:13 PM

 Oh man that is so sad. Bad teacher if you ask me. I agree with you. Go slow. Don't traumatize the child. They have 12 years in school. Why start it off on a bad foot.

Quoting mjrex87:

I don't really have advice, but I just want to say that I don't think you are babying him. When I was 3 or 4, my mom put me in this program at the elementary school that was a couple hours, once a week. I was only a small child but I can clearly remember a few moments from it because it was so traumatizing. Things I remember:The teacher grabbing me at the door and peeling me off of my mom as my mom left me, screaming my head off. The teacher was so fed up with me once that she put me in a chair, facing the wall in the corner of the room, again, screaming my head off. I also remember running out of the classroom after my mom and the teacher grabbing me and pulling me back in. I was a VERY shy child and leaving me kicking and screaming to "get over it" or whatever they were thinking did nothing to remedy that. I'm still shy. I would rather my child remember me being a loving and comforting parent who didn't force him/her into a situation s/he wasn't ready for than the things I remember.

 

GoodyBrook
by Bronze Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 11:29 PM

Are you able to hang out with him for a few days at school until he gets comfortable?  I'm sure the school's guidance counselor (someone else mentioned a Social Worker) will let you know if you're able...

If not, what about doing partial days only to begin with?  Who cares about perfect attendance!!!  :)

ria7
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 11:32 AM

Have you tried the kissing hand book? You could also make something special like a friendship bracelet that he could wear and look at when he misses you. My friends kid hates school. He is just a shy homebody. She has had to carry him in kicking and screaming but usually she just talks him thru it calmly. "Hey buddy I'll be here at 3 and we are going to the park" He outs and says he doesnt want to go but he will go now. I wonder if you can get there really early and stay with him while the other kids arrive. That way you can spend time at his desk, maybe draw a picture to leave with him, watch the kids come in etc and once class gets started you can leave. 

Jennybenny01
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 11:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Are you able to volunteer in the classroom at all, maybe even for recess and lunch duty? My DS just started Kindergarten and that has been helping him a lot by saying that I will be there some of the days. If he doesn't get adjusted after a few weeks I would look into different options. There is even public homeschooling if that is an option for you. I never feel that I have to work within the "system" but that is me never wanting to conform to societies standards, lol.

Lukes-Mom
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 12:21 PM

Oh, I just love you ladies!

Thank you all so much for the support and ideas. I am going to 'quote' reply to your ideas and questions...

Lukes-Mom
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 12:27 PM

Oh! The other thing I'm hearing is that I am letting him have all the control and maniupulating me because he knows if he cries I will not force him to go. What are your thoughts on that one? I understand the reasoning and I know I have not been a stern mother so I may have created this problem.

Lukes-Mom
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:43 PM

Honestly, the remedy to the anxiety back then was energy work. My sister does Matrix and it is amazing. It got us through a few bad spots. Also, talking with him and reassuring him that no matter where I go he always sees me again. And time.

A lot has changed after the incident in preschool. We moved back to my hometown to be closer to a lot of family which has changed his world. He has so many friends, relatives, kids, big parties, events... just a lot more exposure to things and he has really come out of his shell. I thought that would have been enough to get us through kindergarten.

I feel better after talking with his teacher. They are not forcing me to do the "drag him off screaming" thing. They say they will support me to transition him.  We shall see.

Yes, I have thought to myself that I would homeschool him, even though I don't want that to be the quick answer, but I will do it. I've always had that in the back of my mind anyway because of the vaccination thing (I live in NYS!) but the nurse told me she has never had a problem in her school.

Any advice on confidenc building tools?

Quoting emmy526:

I'd call the social worker at the school and tell her whats going on...maybe she can come up with some ideas...after the similar incident in preschool, did you find out the cause of the anxiety? what was the remedy back then?  did you seek help for him to over come new situations, and build some confidence?  or did you just wing it on your own?  It  sounds like it's time to get the help of the school, and figure out a plan.   If no reasonable plan comes up, can you homeschool for a while until this problem clears up?


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