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PIOG - I'm still here just haven't posted in a while - LONG

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 5:51 PM
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Happy New Year everyone!

I haven't posted in a long while....but I've been around, reading posts occasionally and always available via PM.  I've missed participating in this (and a couple other) groups, but I have good reason for my hiatus.

My son and I have been forced to endure repeated and frequent travel from western NY to MA, for court.  His GD (gene donor) decided after I moved here that he suddenly wanted to be involved in his life.   Some of you may remember my prev posts. 

Well the trial has come and gone.... and I'm writing to not only tell you about the outcome - but to warn anyone else that may be in a similar situation. 

During the trial I was confronted with numerous screen prints from CafeMom.  Every single post I'd ever written or replied to was printed and admitted into evidence.  Now, none of them were in any way "incriminating" and I can't really see the point of doing that - BUT I felt like my privacy and mommy-safe-haven was completely violated in the process.  It turns out the GD's psychotic girlfriend had signed up for CafeMom under false pretenses.  She had no children of her own, and they are not engaged or married - yet she claimed to have a stepson (using DS's age) Her screenname was "NotSoEvilSM" and she signed up for every group that I was a member of.  She tracked my activity on this site from June through November without my knowing.  I notified the CM team as well as individual group admins - and though there wasn't much they could do - shortly after that she deleted her profile.  I am even writing this post with the assumption that she may have set up a new one and may be reading it.  This woman has an unhealthy obsession wiht my son, and has since he was born.  Odd considering his GD could care less about him.  I digress.

The trial is over, and if you read my previous posts, I was not pleased with my attorney - AT ALL.  By the end of trial - my side of the case still had not been heard because he botched the questions so badly I wasn't able to answer them.  Also during day 3 I was forced to hand over my screaming son to GD's mother.  He had been napping on my lap while I was on the stand - and he woke very frightened and needing to nurse.  He had a soaking wet diaper and a diaper rash, and was cuttin ghis 4 molars at the time.  On the judge's order, he was taken out of the court room by a woman he doesn't know, not permitted to nurse, forced to stay in his diaper, and he and I were both hysterical. 

The outcome, much like the rest of the trial, was not in my favor.  The judge has ordered that I move back to MA, and has given joint legal custody to DS with a horrific visitation schedule that  is by far unsuitable for a breatfeeding bedsharing 16 month old!!   I won't get into all the details - but the sad fact is if I am forced to comply with this judgement it will traumatize my poor baby.  GD has never spent a day with my son, and knows NOTHING about him or his day to day activities.  Not only will my son not be able to nurse (and I'm not able to pumpat all!) GD doesn't know how to CD, or gentle discipline, doesn't know how he communicates (a combo of sign language and words that pretty much only I understand) - will not adhere to my son's vegetarian diet, or bedsharing.  He will likely lean toward the cio method at bedtimes, and I'm highly doubting that this home is childproofed.  Not to mention that his psychotic girlfriend and mother will be there to add in their 2 cents (this whole thing was fueled by his mother).  

I'm so worried for my baby.  I cannot believe that the court made such a decision.  I am appealing a few major aspects of the decision.  Appeals are extremely expensive, and I obviously had to retain a new attorney.  oh yeah - the judge never ordered him to pay back child support either.  He got away with almost a whole year of not paying support for his son while I struggle to make ends meet every month. 

If you are in a similar situaion - be forwarned.  Everything you type online can come back to haunt you - even if you just think you are venting or asking an innocent question.  Also - never ever ever skimp out on a less expensive attorney when it involves the well being of your little ones.  I learned that very valuable lesson the hard way. 

Sorry this was so long.  I'm really stressed and this is my first time letting go and ranting about it.   Support, ideas, prayers, well wishes, & suggestions are all welcome.


by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 5:51 PM
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by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 6:50 PM

It's unbelievable what the judge ruled. Also, I never heard of this where GD can claim anything. they are supposed to be anonymous and have no pretentions afterwards. Again, I am in shock and I hope you can find someone to really help you, maybe someone that would do a little pro Bono work.

by Member on Jan. 2, 2009 at 7:35 PM

I am so sorry, it frustrates me just reading's too bad that we live in a world that completely neglects whats good for the child, it's too bad children are treated like possessions. My husband's parents got divored when he was 4 and he hated being shuffeled around between parents, I don't think that it was so bad all the time but he deffinatly had to deal with the results of a bitter divorce due to parents putting pressures on him.


by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2009 at 10:10 PM

I am really upset after reading your post and my heart just bleeds for you and your LO. I am so sorry that the courts ruled agaisnt you. I wish I could say something to help but I don't think there is anything to be said except that I hope that it all works out in the end for you. Stay strong mama!

Can you keep pumping so that you can BF when together? Perhaps you could donate your milk at other times?

by Member on Jan. 5, 2009 at 8:14 PM

I know how you feel.  I lost my 10 month old breastfed daughter to my ex-husband when we divorced.  Hang in there!

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