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Getting my priorities in order.

Posted by on Sep. 24, 2007 at 11:38 AM
  • 3 Replies
Well, the last few days have been total doozies.  Both good and bad.  First with the good.  I told my parents that I was pregnant.  I was really nervous about it, because I know how much they would like to see me married before having more babies, but in the end, everything worked out fine.
I feel so much better, and it's nice knowing that at least I've got people in my corner.
Now to the not so good.  Last night was terrible.  I've decided not to tell the dad, for the simple reason that he's not stable.  He's like a loose cannon and last night proved it.  I told him that I couldn't do this any more...and that I didn't want to be with him.  I tried to be as nice as I could about it, but that didn't really work so hot.  The guy stormed over didn't even listen to me when I said that I didn't want him to come over.  As it turned out, somehow or another he manged to get a set of my spare keys (apartment AND car).  When I wouldn't let him into my apartment, he tried to force his way in.  Luckily, when he said he was on his way over, I called the cops right away. 
I can't put up with this any more!!!  I know that I'm making the right decision in not telling him the truth.  Last night, I was scared so badly that I was shaking.  How could I have been so wrong about him?  How could I have ever even let him into my life....our lives!?  What's worse, is why in the world did I stay for so long?
He called this morning, telling me that he loved me and that he wanted to still be with me.  "Can we work this out?"  NO!  I'm to my breaking point.  I'm getting a garage at my apartment complex in the next few days.  I had maintanence come change my locks last night.  THIS is ridiculous.
What makes me really nervous, is that when I asked the officer last night what I could do, he said not much.  I can file a civil no contact order, but what does that do?  Does anyone know?
by on Sep. 24, 2007 at 11:38 AM
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Replies (1-3):
mae77
by on Sep. 24, 2007 at 11:47 AM
It's a piece of paper that says he can't come within so many feet of you (usually 100 or 300 feet) and that he can't contact you via phone or email.  But he has to be served with the papers, which can set him off.   Be careful girl.  If I were you I would move if at all possible.

Xavier's Mommy -Akesha

melissa-amy
by on Sep. 24, 2007 at 11:49 AM

Your story sounds all too familiar. Definately get a no contact order!!!! it makes it illegal fo him to call, come within a certain distance of you and your chldren as well as your job. The absolute key is to follow through with every single violation. I have one against my sons father. I unfortunatel told him i was pregnant but then told him i went to the clinic. so he doesnt know for sure.  My son will be one on thursday. I have had two no contact orders on him.  I have agroup called protect. Please visit and check it out. even if you dont want to post its good to see how other women have been able to get through this situation. The main thing is to be your own advocate and to be and stay vigilant.
http://www.cafemom.com/group/protect

 Melissa amy

....to the moon and back

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vtmom
by on Sep. 24, 2007 at 12:52 PM
my neighbor is sort of going through this with her ex right now... except he's in jail now :) i would always here them fighting, she would kick him out and would try and break back in. she's a sap though and keeps giving in. don't let that happen to you. walk away and don't look back!! i don't know your story or your background, but it seems as though this is your chance to save your kid(s) and yourself from a potentially life threatening situation. men with anger issues like that only allow their anger and frustration to escalate and you have to be careful.

were you guys living together before or have you been living alone and just like seeing him? is he your first child's father? there's a lot of things you can do to ensure that he isn't allowed to come around. the no contact order is first, but it doesn't stop there. when you file for child support or state assistance (if you don't already have both), you have to make sure they know the situation and that you have no idea what will set him off or what he will do to you or your kids. stress how scared you were for your life...they HAVE to take that seriously. the state can help you move and they can keep your address and phone number from being given to him on any paperwork or anything that is sent to him. you should really check out your options, see what's out there. also, make sure your local sherriff and other local cops know your situation, ask if they can do something to patrol your neighborhood more or something. get to know them, they'll be quicker to respond if they know he's not supposed to be around!

my neighbor's ex made a huge mistake and i called the cops on him... came and arrested him and he's been in jail since april. when we went to give our depositions, they kept asking us if we were afraid for our lives... they want to put him away for a long time.

good luck and remember, don't give in! being alone is scary road, but it is also a SAFE road :)
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