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OMG!!!!!! someone please help me!!!!

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ok...I don't mean to offend anyone...but I have always been the type of person who rolls their eyes at the thought of online dating and whatnot..(I knew someone that brought home not one...but two pedofiles!!!  from online daing  so I'm VERY hesitant....well......this guy I have been casually talking to....is really turning out to be a great guy!!!  He is a single dad  who has all of his kids by himself...(all from the same mom)  his wife just up and walked out on them like 12 years ago and he has been raisning them alone ever since.  He has a stable life, is ex-military, a great job, very good looking, only 2 years older than me  and he and I have a LOT of common interests!!!  If he lived in the same state as me he would be perfect!!!!  I would totally trust him to be around my daughter, and could really get to like this guy...but he lives halfway accross the country!!!!  He wants to come out here and meet me in person.....he is very  sweet and kind!!!   I would LOVE to meet him...but I'm afraid that if we did hit it off...then what???  He still lives far away!!!!  And what if he does come out here and is disappointed by me????   I hate to sound whiney or anything....but I really am tired of all the b.s. from the losers  I've had in the past.  I really want to find a REAL man that will treat me AND my daughter great!!!  I want someone that supports me and encourages me...he does!!!  he asks about my classes ...he remembers when I have tests and asks how they went...He says he is very impressed with all the groups I am in at school and the work I do with them.  He is always telling me how great he thinks I am......Man it has been so long since a guy has really genuinely complimented me and it wasn't about how great my @$$ or boobs were!!!  Someone help me out here.....I talk to him almost every night.  should I just pull away from this guy or what???  I've never done a long distance thing before...I'm not sure what to do here!!!????!?!?!

~Adrienne & Ava


by on Sep. 28, 2007 at 12:51 AM
Replies (11-16):
tinkerbellava
by on Sep. 28, 2007 at 10:56 PM

Quoting Trinasmom:

I have been doing the online dating thing for a while as well. Most of the time I talk to men who are close to where I live but I actually started talking to a guy about three weeks ago from another state. We only live about 12 hours apart but is still the distance factor. We have just been talking and neither one of us is in a rush to move. I would suggest talking to him on the phone though. I have talked to men that I had a connection with online but when they called me, there was no connection (a lot of dead air). This guy calls me everyday and he is very sweet. But heed the advice of the other ladies, take it slow. Let me know how its going, would love to see if we are still talking to these men in a month or two.
LOL!!!!  that would be interesting!!!  I will definately let you all know!!  Thanks for all the help by the way!!


~Adrienne & Ava


Sabati
by on Sep. 30, 2007 at 10:12 AM
Meet your guy in a safely public place for the first time. Make sure your friends know who and where you're going to meet. Make sure he knows there's someone you're going to call on a regular basis, while you're out there to see him...someone that's going to want to know you're ok. Then, go see if you click, physically, and if he seems as good face to face as he seems on the internet, but go slow with moving forward from there, because the longer you know him, the more you'll learn about him and not all of it will be good. If one (or both) of you is going to make the huge move required for you to be together, you need to be SURE.

I've been online with the same guy for more than two years and he lives 3 states away. At first we were just friends who gamed together, but we quickly found we had a lot in common and became confidants and best friends. He emailed me a photo of him and we IMd each other and talked on the phone occasionally.
He seemed like a wonderful guy. He was fun to play with and to talk to and had a twinkle in his eye that I really liked, but even though we were friends, I'd had enough of men, and wasn't looking for more than just a buddy. But then I had to go out that way for family business and we decided to meet at a mall and take our kids out to dinner and a movie together. 
That's when things got complicated because we discovered we were physically attracted to each other, as well as having so much else in common. (you have to understand that I am normally very sexually shy about men and have only accepted one lover (besides him) in my entire life, so this was a shock to me)
That was 1.5 years ago. We didn't "do" anything on that first meeting, but I went back to see him this past July. We spent a blissful 4 days together, and after, I could barely force myself to leave him and go home.
Things have changed, since then. We're still best friends, thank goodness, but I'm telling you...eventually their "best" behavior fades and they begin to act more naturally. (If you're going to enter any relationship, both of you should act as you normally do. It's better to know you're incompatible now than after the vows are said.) 
With the passing of time, I begin to understand there may be other reasons (besides the ones he gave me) why he's been single for the last 13 years, and even though I love this guy with all my heart, I've begun to wonder if I'm not better off sticking to my original plan to remain single for the rest of my life. I haven't given up on him as a mate, yet, but since I've gotten to know him better, I'm not so ready to give up everything and run out there to him, anymore, either.
I repeat, take it slooooooow. Hope this helped.
P.S. This is for everyone who reads this: Photos can be faked, and I have friends who have been fooled. If you've both got decent computers and good internet connections, Webcams aren't terribly expensive and will help you to see his/her face in real-time conversations and know that person is real.
Pinkyj24
by on Sep. 30, 2007 at 10:15 AM
my man and i talked online for 7 years before we met, ya a long time i know lol but i wanted to make sure i could trust him and trust what he was telling me.. and it worked out well for me, but for others ive heard really bad things have happened so just take your time, if hes interested he'll wait..
stella74
by on Sep. 30, 2007 at 10:49 AM
well well well.

what do i say now.....................??????????????

i suggest u meet him on his own turf: u know go out to see him wherever he lives and stay in a hotel. just check him out and all and if u discover u r not really keen , u walk. if u r, just like someone says , take it easy and pray also that he is keen on u too.

but then again, take it easy before u get ur kid involved. and be careful too

good luck girl
almostamishmom
by on Sep. 30, 2007 at 11:21 AM
I agree with Sabati. Cam with this guy. I also agree with the poster whoi said that sometimes there are other rresons for a person being single.

Remember: Somebody is single because the person they were with was tired of putting up with their crap.

I met my current husband while I was at work. Later we found out that we were gaming and chatting online about three months before we met in person. He was exactly as was online. I must say is a rarity in every way, though. He was married FOUR times and in TWO other serious relationships before we met. He was also celibate for almost two years before we became physical. See what I mean about rare,

As I read your posts I thought of  relatively new song I heard on the radio yesterday. So much cooler on the internet.


Always be cautious when there are kids involved. I had three before we met. He had two. Now we have a total of seven. If you listen carefully to others advice and your own inner "Mom Voice", I think you will be fine.  Please keep us posted. I am sure we would all like to know how this one turns out. If you do decide to meet, log in and let us know you are okay after the meeting. I don't know about anybody else, but if I know you are going to meet this guy I will worry until I hear something from you.....good bad or ugly. 
tinkerbellava
by on Oct. 2, 2007 at 4:15 PM

AAAWWWWW  you guys are so sweet to worry about me!!!!  If I do decide to meet this guy it wont be for a while yet...... I don't want to go into too much detail incase someone recognizes him...but his ex-wife left him because she didn't want to be a "responsible adult" anymore!!!!  He has had other relationships and admitted that when he first got divorced he had a tendancy to take women for granted....(he was still hurt by his ex!!).  but he has since stopped doing that......he was engaged to a girl he was with for a few years...but he ended up calling off the engagement because she treated his kids differently from her own.  He then packed up his stuff and moved home so that he could get some help from his family with the kids....he has 4 of them!!!  (this much we have in common!!!!  I too moved back home and am getting help from my family!!)   He really is a sweet guy......he's always telling me how great I am and how much he admires all the things I'm doing with my life....He works with troubled kids and has for YEARS!!!  (I've seen pictures!!!!).  I am totally  with you guys on the meet in a public place...and my best friend has offered to babysit my daughter and check in with me when I meet him too!!!  She is VERY protective of me.....she helped me get out of a BAD relationship and likes to make sure I never have to go through that again!!!! I thank all of you for your support and encouragement....I was most nervous about the fact that it was online and long distance.   It's great to know that there are people out there that care about me!!!  I guess in away.....if I can make an online relationship with all of you ladies work.....than I can at least try one with this guy!!!  You guys are GREAT!!!!!  I love you!!!
~Adrienne & Ava

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