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Need help with custody issues! Please help!!

Posted by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 1:31 AM
  • 12 Replies

Ok, so I know this might be confusing. My daughter is 11 months old, and we both left Texas (where we both lived with my soon-to-be ex hubby) because he was mean and beat the crap out of me and threatened to kill her. I ran away and lived with his folks, and they didn't take me to a DR or let me file a Police Report. I lived in Iowa ever since March 6, and he came up once to see her and only talked to her for about 10 minutes. For the first 2 months he paid me 200/month. Then evidently he decided that was too much and he started paying 38/month for a few months. In August, he quit altogether. I should mention that he makes 18/hour, working 40 hours a week. Anyway, I emailed him and asked him to come see her, i offered him webcam chats with her...and he refused everything.

Out of the blue tonight, he says he is coming to take her away for Christmas, and that I have no say in the matter. I can't file for custody or divorce until March 7 cause of residency laws.

And just recently a girl told a police officer that he messed with her sexually when she was a minor but for some reason they aren't doing anything even though it has also come out he messed with his sisters. I am freaking out, I don't want the pervert to have his daughter! What the heck do I do??

Okay, I have kept ahold of my baby, and am working on obtaining custody of her. I simply refused to let him take her, and i had a police officer in my home when he arrived. While the officer was there, he was allowed to hold her and talk to her, but he wasnt permitted to take her. Thanks for all your advice!

by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 1:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Lbbguard01
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 1:38 AM

I know where I live the father has no rights to the child until custody is set by the court. If you leave baby goes with you, if you aren't together baby is with you, it would be kidnapping if he took the child without your permission.... its probably the same in your state.... call the police department or someone who deals with custody and check... i never had that problem my SD knows i have all rights til custody is set and he doesnt want anything to do with my son anyways... good luck girl

rmattes
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 2:30 AM

Go see a lawyer or find some kind of public aid office that can help you. Trust your gut.

                                                                                

SESmama
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 8:03 AM

If there is no custody order in place do NOT let him take her as he has the right to never return her until a court says so. It isn't kidnapping if the father is on the birth certificate. If you have already filed for divorce then where? If it was in Texas *you* may be the one in trouble for removing the child from their jurisdiction. If not then what happens with your DD is up to you at this point in time.

sandie66
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 8:41 AM

You can get an emergency hearing for temporary custody of the child. And if you let him take her, you would be stupid because he DOES NOT HAVE TO RETURN HER, unless you have something in writing. It is not kidnapping for him to take his own child when nothing has been decided by the courts. But at the same time, you probably should not have moved out of state before everything was set in writing.

It doesn't matter if he messed with a minor (legally yes, but with you, no). That has nothing to do with your case. 

josiahmom
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 9:06 AM

go to the court house and get emergency custody. he may not return her so u need to make sure he doesnt come near u. u could do a restraining order to keep him away. good luck. keep us updated.


faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 14, 2009 at 11:39 AM

 i wouldnt let him take her. oh you have no choice in the matter? good luck finding me! seriously, things were really bad when i left my ex and my mom was ready to take a loan out to put me underground if he tried any shit.

 


morningdove831
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 11:43 AM

Since there is no custody order set by the court as of yet, he can't just take her.  You don't have to let her go with him.  He's just trying to bully and control you - abusers are really good at that.   

m2b8609
by Bronze Member on Dec. 14, 2009 at 1:10 PM

i myself live in iowa and know for a fact u dont have to let him take her u have custody file for a custody hearing and if he wants visitation he will have to show or it will look bad on his part. i know if he dont make contact with her for so much time than its abandonment and u can terminate his rights my sister did that to her ex and her now bf is going to adopt her son. also fil for child support dont let him decide how much he wants to give the state will automatically garnish his wages so he cant do anything unless he quit his job even then he will still owe once he gets another job and they will find him or file a restraining order

calgalmeg
by on Dec. 15, 2009 at 3:36 AM

It didn't say if you are still living with his parents but I would get out of there.  They will not protect you if they prevented you from going to a doctor or filing a police report.  Call your local DV hotline they can help you legally and help you find a place to live or at least shelter you.

Think about it- do you really want to worry if it is going to turn into a tug of war the three of them vs you?  Those are NOT good odds for you hun.

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manders018
by on Dec. 15, 2009 at 5:54 AM

This is a good thought.

The other posters are correct too. If no custody order is in place then you do not have to allow her to go with him. The police won't intervene without a court order and basically it is posession of the child that matters at that point.

Quoting calgalmeg:

It didn't say if you are still living with his parents but I would get out of there.  They will not protect you if they prevented you from going to a doctor or filing a police report.  Call your local DV hotline they can help you legally and help you find a place to live or at least shelter you.

Think about it- do you really want to worry if it is going to turn into a tug of war the three of them vs you?  Those are NOT good odds for you hun.


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