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Single mom moving in with relatives???

Posted by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 5:33 PM
Mia
  • 11 Replies

Hello I'm Mia and I just joined this group.  So I wanted to ask...

Anyone have any experience moving in with family after separating or breaking up?  I'd appreciate hearing others' stories.  Did it work out?  For how long?  lol

I'm getting a divorce from my husband and moving in with my mom for a while.  I've been a SAHM and I'm now working full-time on a degree.  I am not thrilled to be doing so but trying to be grateful.  I just don't want to end up in a rut here, living on someone else's turf.  If I was 19 and had one kid, that'd be one thing.  But here I am 26 with two kids moving into mommas's place.  Not a good look. 

My income is only $1700 a month.  An apartment here will run me $700 to $850 a month.  So there is no way I can get my own place yet.    

My mom is pushing me to finish my degree and yesterday she was telling me to take advantage of her help now because she's pushing 60 and won't be here forever.  I don't like "taking advantage" of her though.  Any thoughts or advice?

by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 5:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SarahMich3113
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 5:37 PM

if she's willing to help i say you should take the help atleast until you can do it yourself...it is hard moving home but at least your mom is there and willing to help you make a better life for yourself and your kids

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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 14, 2009 at 6:06 PM

 i lived w my parents once, for two years. i was pretty comfty. but after two years, it was time to move on.

i say go on and finish your degree if she is offering. then you will be self sufficient and wont have to worry about struggling like you would now. just reimburse her and talk to her about what she expects of you while you are there.

 
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tericared
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 6:18 PM

If you guys get along and she is good to your kids then take all the help you can while it is there for you...... 

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Dec. 14, 2009 at 9:52 PM

Sounds like she was just saying to do what you need to do right now while you have her help versus trying to do it later when you might not have her able to help like you may need her to later.

If my son's dad wasn't involved like he is, I'd have probably moved back in with my parents a while ago.  But I can't move an hour and a half away like that since my son and his dad see each other regularly. 

Be sure to talk with your mom about expectations for both you and her while you are living together.  Lay it all out on the line BEFORE you move in (if it's not too late). You may want to also set a timeline of when you plan to do what and include when you expect to move out and back on your own.

It can totally work out if you and your mom have good communication and your mom isn't the time to hold it against you the rest of your life and if you aren't the type to totally take advantage (in a mooching type way- which it doesn't sound at all like you are like that from what you've said!)

I hope it all works out for you.  Remember that sometimes we have to drop back and punt in order to get better field position later on (if you are into football at all! LOL)  You are moving in for all the right reasons and that I think makes all the difference in the world. :-)

 

Myanas_mommy
by on Dec. 15, 2009 at 12:25 AM

I live with my parents. OK I was living with them when I got pregnant. we both were but we were renting a guest house from them.... I still rent it so it's not "living" with them. I pay my rent and take care of everything that has to do with me and my daughter. They do no help my financially. the only thing they do for me is watch my daughter when I need them to keep her for a few hours.

So don't see it as taking advantage!! see it as what it is HELP!!! Pay her some rent take care of food... things like that and you will be helping each other out!!

calgalmeg
by on Dec. 15, 2009 at 12:53 AM

Take the help where you can get it.  I lived with my mom for about a year and a half as well as my grandfather while I took care of him until he passed.  It isn't always easy but my mother and I have a difficult relationship.  If you are worried just make sure you talk to your mom before moving in on the rules.  For example who has the final say when it comes to your kids (my mom started to think she got to call the shots after a while and it got UGLY) or what the expectations are for chores, if there would be rent, etc.

I am about a million times happier on my own but if I hadn't stayed at my mom's I wouldn't have been able to afford a decent place.  (I was literally looking at places that had holes in the walls before I got my ducks in a row.)  Assess your options- you don't have to live there- if you wanted to you could get a roommate- it's all about what will work for you and the kids and be the best.  Never feel bad about asking for help- it's not just about you anymore it's your kids and if you need it get it.  You can always pay her back later with interest if you don't want to feel like you've taken advantage of her.

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leahbeah143
by on Dec. 15, 2009 at 11:06 AM

I moved back in with my parents after I seperated from my ex husband, and it was a huge help! I know it's not very good for the self esteem, but if you don't have to pay rent or anything, it's a good time to save up some money.  

AngieMarie08
by on Dec. 15, 2009 at 11:18 AM

I don't think you mom ment "take advantage" in a negative way, just tell you to use the help from her now. I bet she knows how hard and uncomfortable it is for you and thats why she said it, kind of a lighter way to say it.

I am a single mom of a 2 1/2 year old. I moved back in after I broke up with my boyfriend. It is extremely dificult considering I have 2 sisters and a brother who also live here. I feel like "Man I wish I could be on my own, I wish I could DO this on my own, I should be able to do this on my own" but I can't.  I feel aweful bringing a baby into the world without a better financial situation but I wouldnt trade my son for anything.

Seriously I dont even know when I will move out! I am working part time (because thats all i could find at this time) and I pay whatever I can. My mom doesnt help with anything for my son (unless she wants to but I never ask) and I help with food/bills, whatever I can. I am trying to go back to school in January for medical assisting, its a 9 month program but I am having trouble finding affordable day care. It doesnt exist.

I am hoping to be back on my feet in no time, but its tough. Dont feel bad. I know exactly how you feel. Just get through it. Finish your degree and you will see what happens next! Things happen for a reason, maybe its a blessing in disguise =)

Singlemomks
by on Dec. 15, 2009 at 11:31 AM

Be grateful that you have somewhere to go.  Yes, it is not fun to be older with kids and moving back with family.  I stayed with my mom when I left my ex.  Ended up being very short term as I found a place that I could afford. 

There is nothing wrong with staying with your mom - we have to do what we have to do in order to support our kids.  I would suggest setting up ground rules so that you both know what the expectations are.  That way you can discuss things and not have surprise drama!  

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CMAmomma
by on Dec. 15, 2009 at 11:35 AM

I dont see it as you taking advantage of her as all!!! She is offering to help you out so you can save money and finish your degree. DO IT!  Put it this way, If she didnt offer her help, you WOULD be paying for a place.  You moving in would be a good move for her and your family. She can help babysit and spend precious time with your kids (while she is here) and you can finish your schooling! Plus, you can still save money and help HER out with bills or food! ;-)

I moved back in with my parents after leaving my boyfriend and my son was only 2.5 months at the time. They have helped me trumendously when I was also in school full-time and working full time. I too hope to get out of here soon as soon as I find a job with my degree. :-)



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