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Baby Daddy Vent

Posted by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 8:31 PM
  • 12 Replies

My dd's father hasn't had much to do with her since she was born. I keep him updated, send pics, drive the 3 hours to take her to see him...he has done very little. She turned 2 in July and he was supposed to come to her bday party. The day before the party, his gf calls and tells me that he went to jail for domestic violence (against her). In September, she told me he went to court and would be in jail for at least a year. Well, today, I got a notice that I had $20 credited to my CS account...which is nearly impossible if he is in jail, right? So I call her...and ask if she is still talking to him. She says yeah, hold on...and puts him on the phone! I said why didn't you let me know you were out?! He said, oh I figured I would talk to you eventually...I've been kind of reclusive. SERIOUSLY?!?! I don't really give a shit where you are, but your daughter has been asking about you. He hasn't seen her since March. And he has been out long enough to apply for and receive unemployment. UGH!!!! Sometimes he makes me sooo mad!!!!

                                                                                

by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 8:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Dec. 14, 2009 at 9:45 PM

Honestly, as bad as it sounds and as sad as it is, I'd just wash my hands of him and not count on him to be in her life.  I know you want her to have her dad in her life but if he doesn't want to be there, you can't make him as bad as you'd like to.  Sometimes I think it's better to not even have a dad in your life if he's going to be a hit or miss, promised broken all the time type dad.

I really hope he gets it together and steps up to be a real dad for her, but it sounds like that's not going to be the case.

I'm so very sorry. :-(

rmattes
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 9:48 PM

Thanks...I am really torn on the whole issue. On one hand, I feel like I owe it to her to give her a chance to know him. On the other hand, he has 3 other kids that live within 15 minutes of him and he is no better with them. I am technically required to allow him to see her because he donates child support once every 4 months lol. It just gets so frustrating because he doesn't think about anyone but himself.

                                                                                

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Dec. 14, 2009 at 9:58 PM


Quoting rmattes:

Thanks...I am really torn on the whole issue. On one hand, I feel like I owe it to her to give her a chance to know him. On the other hand, he has 3 other kids that live within 15 minutes of him and he is no better with them. I am technically required to allow him to see her because he donates child support once every 4 months lol. It just gets so frustrating because he doesn't think about anyone but himself.


You've made it clear that you want him in her life and would allow that.  You can't do anything else.  Forcing him to do something his heart isn't in truly isn't worth it in the long run I don't think.  I think you'd probably resent him in the end if you were the one doing all the legwork to make the relationship between them work out.

 

 

Jasons_Mami
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 11:42 PM

Have u tried court ordered visitation?

Myanas_mommy
by on Dec. 15, 2009 at 12:18 AM

Girl let me tell you something... and I have had to learn this the hard way. If he hasn't done a thing to see or be a part of his daughters life he never will!! He has been there because like you said YOU drive the 3hrs!!!! and your daughter will never miss out on anything that she hasn't really had!!

My daughters father doesn't help me with a thing!!! He doesn't send $20 and he doesn't get involved!! He shows up once or twice a yr to see her and I don't stop him. I don't see what he can possibly do for her but I let it happen because I don't want her to think I kept him from her. she will eventually get old enough to understand! she's 2 1/2 now and she can tell you her dad lives in AZ and she lives in Cali. She use to ask for him.. but that was only after he left. Now she will talk to him on the phone but once she gets off it's like he was never there.

It's hard!! BUT it's only hard for us... not the kids!! and eventually someone will come into your life that will want to be there for you and her.... he won't even be a after thought. so please thing long and hard who this benefits! and GOOD LUCK!!!! We all need it.

Jenn8604
by on Dec. 15, 2009 at 12:23 AM


Quoting Myanas_mommy:

 your daughter will never miss out on anything that she hasn't really had!!

Exactly so just give up trying to have him in your dd's life. It will hurt her more if she has him everyonce in awhile and than he decides he wants nothing to do with her whatsoever. So if you can get child support out of him and thats it. Dont make her go through any hurt she doesnt have too. 

Chrisitan, keep your state out of my religion, breastfeeding, cloth diaper using, co-sleeping, midnights working, full time student, single mom who loves her baby so so much.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 15, 2009 at 12:52 AM

 you need to stop bending over backwards and let HIM do some work. if he doesnt, you are better off.

 
        The Single Moms Group
         

Kissybratzmom
by on Dec. 15, 2009 at 12:54 AM

Is it court ordered that you let him see her? Just because a man pays child support, does not give him rights to the child. That is a whole other matter. My ex was even told in court (in Oct.) that I didn't have to let him see my son but they advised we work something out otherwise he would have to take me to court in order to get any type of visitation. They then told him he would most likely get supervised visits since he hasn't been involved at all.

Luckily, he bailed the first time he wanted to see him and hasn't called me since. I won't allow him to jerk my kid around and come in and out of his life.

Quoting rmattes:

Thanks...I am really torn on the whole issue. On one hand, I feel like I owe it to her to give her a chance to know him. On the other hand, he has 3 other kids that live within 15 minutes of him and he is no better with them. I am technically required to allow him to see her because he donates child support once every 4 months lol. It just gets so frustrating because he doesn't think about anyone but himself.


rmattes
by on Dec. 15, 2009 at 1:22 AM

I had to go for child support because she gets Medicaid. They told me that since paternity was established, I had to let him see her. They asked that we try and work it out. According to the state guidelines, we have to split the drive time and he should be seeing her every other weekend (I think). However, he has no drivers license (hasn't since I have known him), no job. He said tonight that he wants to see her, but I think he just said that because I was on the phone and he thinks that is what he is supposed to say. He has had his girlfriend take him to see her once...but that was because he had to be at court here anyway.

I don't want to force him to be a father...as a matter of fact, I am pretty sure he will be out of her life sooner rather than later. I guess I just want to give him the chance and to be able to tell my daughter that I did everything I could. I wouldn't even really mind making the drive if he would actually pay attention to her while we were there. Last time, he disappeared for a half hour and then came in and started playing video games. Nevaeh kept trying to talk to him and he just ignored her. She talks about her daddy a lot lately, but I don't think she really understands what it means. Luckily, I have my dad and brother-in-law who are great role models for her.

                                                                                

rross2002
by on Dec. 15, 2009 at 2:45 AM

u can't make him be what he obviously doesnt want to be. It took me forever to figure that out. my sons father has been in and out of prison since he was born. The only time he is interested at all is when he is locked up. I used to tell myself this time is different everytime but guess what it wasn't. u have to be the best mommy u can be and just deal with it. I t hurts knowing that this little person thats ur entire life means so much to u and the other parent doesnt care at all. Thats what really got me, i just couldnt understand it.

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