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I just want to be MYSELF,without being put down.

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 6:45 PM
  • 8 Replies

So I have two children, and back in June, after my Grandma had surgery and could no longer watch the children while I ran my own cleaning business, I lost my business. We live in a small town where there is not a lot of childcare, let alone GREAT child care for my son who needs more attention due to his "severe asthma" (you can get that story at my journal!)  So since my grandfather works in KC (2 hours away) I decided to move into my grandparents efficiency appt attached to their house so grandma wouldnt be alone, and of course since I could no longer pay my rent. So here we are... I constantly get griped at for discipling my children, I get griped at because my electric is 350 dollars (that i obviously can not pay) why is it 350 dollars? who knows, our side of the house is the size of a small 2 bedroom apt. I do however pay my car payment, diapers, clothes, whatever else the kids needs with, (insert bashing comment here) my cash assistance from the state since my kids dads are POS, and wont stand up to help, no matter what I do on my part, neither one of them have ever seen MY CHILDREN.  So I get irritated tonight because I am playing a game with my daughter that I bought her for christmas, and had other things to do, so she asks my Grandmother to play with her, and she gets all grumpy and says it doesnt look fun, I dont wanna play that game. Just like she does with everything else i buy my DD. She buys her a lot of stuff as well, and always brags about how great it is, but when I do something (regardless of what I had to sell, or get rid of) its stupid. I sold our 42"Flat screen TV that I had bought when I was making great money so I could give the kids an awesome christmas. I do what I can, and i try not to mooch.  My grandma is always bribing my DD to go spend time with her or do this or do that with her.  I dont know what to do anymore, yes getting my own place is a solution, but how would I work that?  What do all you other moms in a similar situation do to get away from this? I am so tired of being a half of mom because Grandma wants to take over. I cant stand it. All my family members on my facebook, gossip about me and all my status messages I leave. Yesterday I left one saying how i felt alone in this situation I am in. My Aunt called my other Aunt and she called my grandma exagerating the story. No one has a reason to complain. I stay at home with my kids ALL of the time. I dont go out with my friends, The only time I get out is to grocery shop, or take my son to drs appts (which is no less than one time a week ATLEAST)  I Have a car that I PAY for, but I dont have the money for gas to go here and there. I do what I can, but  getting put down all the time is soo irritating. Grandma says I have a complex since I know Im stupid. Exact words. Since I didnt graduate high school, that makes me stupid. I didnt graduate high school, which I know isnt too bright, because I was 18 raising a child ON MY OWN, and at the time NO STATE assistance working 14 hour days andddd swinging night time high school. Eventually, the 14 hour work days and my bill became a little more important than high school.  And now that I dont work, I could go to school, butttttt here we go with the child care issues again. What do i do to keep myself SANE!??!

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 6:45 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Beth5289
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 6:55 PM

I have no idea what to tell you.  If it were me, I think I would start working on a plan to get out of there.  Maybe see if a friend could baby sit for me at night so I could get a night job to save money.  Then move to a city near by with better child care options, and job oppertunities.  Have apartment on my own... where utilities were not $350... did you call the power company and ask why it was so much?  I would also probably look into a GED program to finish school.

I wish I had better advice for you.  I really haven't been in this type of a situation.  I am sorry you're going through a hard time!  I hope you get everything figured out.  Good luck mama!  :: hugs ::

Beth

tyfry7496
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 6:56 PM

Seeing you are on PA, go apply for child care assistance and go back to school. You may not have perfect child care, but other than a parent, there is no such thing. It is important for you to have your GED or HSED and get some sort of degree. That way you can find a decent paying job and move out of grandma's house. You CAN do it. It will not be easy but it is something that will have a positive impact on you and your kids. I can't tell you what to do about your family, because mine is the same way. I just learned to ignore them and not let them bother me. I hang up on them if they are being rude on the phone, if I am seeing them in person, I leave. I am 38 and finally went back to school and it's not right for my family. I am stupid to go back to school and better myself and my situation. Do what you feel is right for your kids and you. I would definately go back to school. There are programs where PA will help you pay for school. That is what I am doing. I work part time and go to school fulltime. I get medical and foodstamps. The state pays for books and tuition. 

miss_nevin
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:05 PM

I guess I just wanted to share this, I have been in this sorta place and I ended up slowly building my way out, I found another mom and we were roommates and helped each other with daycare ect, we lived like that for a year before I could get on my feet, she would watch my kids when she could and I would watch hers when I could save on daycare and we paid a sitter when we worked the same hours it was cheaper this way... I dont know what to tell ya other then you have to slowly build and find your way out of it..

Mommyof2n0308
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:11 PM

yeah, I have thought about just saying whatever and getting a job in the city, even if I have to drive an hour there and an hour back. Its still gives me the confidence to know that I am trying. however, with my sons situation right now, I cant imagine anyone hiring me when I would have to take off as much as we are at the DRs, specialist,ect right now. So HOPEFULLY when we get that mess figured out, I can atleast do that. I did find a GED program to assist with daycare, but we can miss 8 hours which is 2 days, its an hour away from me, and being an hour away from that in the winter, it probably wouldnt do any good either. i keep telling myself to just stop making excuses and do it, but when I look into this or that, they really arent excuses, I do try to do what I can. I thought for sure after my grandma seen my 18 yo brother who is an alcoholic and never bought diapers for his baby before and my 21 year old sister who is also a heavy drinker parent her child, shed appreciate what I do for my kids, and her a little more, but she doesnt. She always throws it in my face how I have no friends, she is right I do not have any friends really because they have all screwed me over in some way. I have a few friends that do stay at home with their kids and have no time to watch my kids on top of theirs for sure. So Im pretty much by myself in the deal, with my kiddies of course,:)

SESmama
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:01 PM

You know, just like college, there are many online options for getting your GED. The government would LOVE to help you there. Then, do as you did before and find other single struggling moms and look into working something out with one of them. Once you get out of grandma's way you will find a way to get farther. The government has sooo much money to spread for college tuition or job assistance that it makes the TARP look like a piggy bank.

calgalmeg
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:11 PM

Agreed- also the power company can give you a lower bill if you are low income.  You may also look into swapping child care with someone else.

As for the relatives- I would either block them on Facebook or simply stop posting personal info.  Clearly they are not being the supportive family you need right now.  (If you block a person they cannot see your page and so they won't know you are still on FB).

Quoting Beth5289:

I have no idea what to tell you.  If it were me, I think I would start working on a plan to get out of there.  Maybe see if a friend could baby sit for me at night so I could get a night job to save money.  Then move to a city near by with better child care options, and job oppertunities.  Have apartment on my own... where utilities were not $350... did you call the power company and ask why it was so much?  I would also probably look into a GED program to finish school.

I wish I had better advice for you.  I really haven't been in this type of a situation.  I am sorry you're going through a hard time!  I hope you get everything figured out.  Good luck mama!  :: hugs ::


 May the best of your past be the worst of your future. 

Mommyof2n0308
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:24 PM

I keep getting irritated everytime i think about my electric bill, I keep the heat LOW it is NEVER above 69 in here, that way Grandpa cant gripe at me. I have no idea why it is so flippin high. The insulation sucks I do know that! ughh! In March they start a program to help with your electric/power so I think in order to do that Im going to have to get the electric switched to my name. I Have contacted the GED programs about online stuff, and there is no one. And unfortuanely like I have said before, people in this town are $*@! There are not too many decent people here, I had one old high school aquaintance that said "ohhhh ill watch the kids anytime" yeah, well thatd work if I wanted a drunk mom that has had her kids taken away numerous times due to neglect!! Another friend of mine has her own daycare, and has said plenty of times she would make room for my son, but I see her on facebook ALL day long, and how her son bites, and hurts the other kids. Im so clueless, that I think my best bet is when spring comes, and roads dethaw around here is to just go to the GED with the daycare program , and find a daycare around there and a part time job. Maybe by then, we will also have kaesyns health issues figured out.  Thank you ladies for your support and advice! I cant believe I never came here sooner. I am stuck at home 24/7 with a 13 month old, a 72 year old and my 6 year old. Which dont get me wrong, I LOVE staying at home, and it makes my stomach turn thinking about putting Kaesyn in a daycare, but in order for me to be a succesful independant woman, its what we gotta do:)

kcook55
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:24 PM

i live with my mom and i HATE it i can never do anything right i to am on pa but she takes nearly all of it than she tries to tell me what i can and cant buy my kids to eat and i'm out of here as soon as i can i'm apply for hud i just have to do the interview the paper work is already filed out and in feb or march i'm going to finish my schooling i'm taking online classes that way i dont have to worry about day care my son is in headstart half day so i have to be here for him when the bus gets here and alot of times i dont even listen to my mom when shes telling me stuff  


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