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Pregnant... and lost. Warning: Very long drama

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 6:54 PM
  • 12 Replies

 I recently just joined cafemom... as well as this group. I met a guy back in November. We had mutual friends. We started talking and we started having a sexual relationship before we were ever "official" We were very careful to use condoms and sometimes the pull out method. Well, December 19, I found out I was pregnant. He was at my apt. and I told him and he was in shock, as was myself. We both have a child from previous relationships, mine is 4 and his is almost 3. We hadn't been together long and most definatley wasn't planning for this. I was very upset and he finally warmed up to me and tried his best at consoling me. He later on asked me about getting an abortion and I freaked out on him. He kept apologizing and saying he didn't mean it. Well we finally went to bed late that night and the next morning I woke up and he was downstairs on my couch asleep. I started getting worried. He slept unitl 4:30 that afternoon/night. My dad came to pick up my son b/c I work nights and had to work. My b/f ended up taking me to work that night and he dropped me off and I went to kiss him and he kissed me back. We always kiss more than once... NEVER just once... and we always got crap from our friends about it! Well, I went to kiss him again and he kinda turned his head and kissed my cheek. I knew something was about to happen. He had mentioned on the way that he was going to meet up with one of his friends to shoot some pool so I told him to have fun and be careful. He told me to call him later. I texted him a couple of times about how I was worried how this would effect US and that we can make it, blah blah blah. I got one response back saying he just needed to think about things and that he was still in shock and that he will come around. That was Wednesday night at 5. I didn't hear from him after that... even after making numerous phone calls and sending numerous texts and even slipping into stalker mode and driving by his house. I was DD'ing for two of my friends on NYE and we'd gone to 3 bars and they really wanted to go to another bar...I hadn't really even wanted to go to this certain bar, but soemething told me to. Well... right before midnight struck I saw him, smiling, having a good ol' time. I was overcome with so many emotions from wanting to cry an ocean to walk over there and stab him with a beer bottle (not really =) Well he happened to walk out the side door so I followed him, I had ahold of the inside of the doorknob while he was trying to pull it shut from the outside and I jerked it open. He seen me and got a huge surprised smile on his face and said HI HOW ARE YOU? I looked at him, gave him a dirty look, rolled my eyes, and walked away. He chased me out to the parking lot. I finally stopped and he said, I'm sorry I just needed time to myself to think. I said "Are you serious? You make me sick. You can wash your hands of everything and walk away free, as for me, I am stuck dealing with this regardless" He replied I know I'm sorry I just needed time to myself to think. Thats all he could say. So I said Did you ever once stop to think just how I might be feeling, did you ever stop and say hey, maybe I should call my girlfriend and quit ignoring and avoiding her to see how she is handling things?" He said He was sorry, and once again that he needed to think about things... by himself. So I said "well think about this F#$K you and walked away. I had assumed I would be getting phone calls or text messages and to my surprise.... nothing. I was so furious when I got home that I texted him and told him that his worries were over and that he is getting what he wants. that I was going through with the abortion and that he come come get his S#@T on tuesday. No reply. The next night I'm at work and I get a text message and he says that he is truly sorry for not talking to me, but he just needed time to himself to think. And I replied to him that there was nothing to think about that I was getting it taken care of. He replied back and said I don't know what to say but if you need anything then let me know and if you need help paying for anything I'll help.(meaning the abortion) I had since changed my status on my facebook back to single. When I was done working last night I hopped onto the computer at work and checked it and he had too changed his status to single. There were 2 female friends of his that were not particularly fond of me b/c they both had crushes on him. Well, of course they had to put their two cents in commenting on his status change. A few other people had apologized and asked what happend and he didn't say anything so I poliltley replied "He got me pregnant... thats what happend" It was deleted this morning. I texted and apologized and of course being pregnant... blamed it on my emotions. We talked a bit today and I told him I had lied about the abortion and that I was just going to keep it from him since he didn't want the baby in the first place and I didn't want him to feel like he HAD to be there. I don't want him there at all if he doesn't want to be there himself. He told me that he is still confused and can't eat and sleep. blah blah. And that he wouldn't make a good family man. WTH... he's 29 y/o and has 2 kids... don't ya think it's time to settle down? Even if it's NOT with me??? I'm usually mature when it it all boils down, but I don't know why I'm acting this way. Maybe to hurt him back ?? Can someone please give me some advice on how to calm my nerves?... I'm going nuts. I miss him and I don't know why. I don't believe in abortion just because it was an oopsy. I'm not bashing anyone who has had one due to an oopsy at all. I would just never personally do that. No bashing ... promise. P.S. Sorry it's so long....

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 6:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Beth5289
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:12 PM

I am so sorry for you mama!  What a situation. 

I wouldn't let him walk away, as in, I would take him to court for child support after the baby is born... at least hold him a little bit accountable too, since you are going to be keeping the baby.  Seems the only way to make some people accountable is hitting them in the wallet... sad, but true.  I just wouldn't want him out there thinking he can keep fathering children and walking away.  But that's just me...

I would stay broken up with him though.  Obviously he's not mature enough for a family.  I am so sorry you're going to be doing this on your own.  :: hugs :: I'm sure the emotions suck.  I wish I knew what else to say.  Let us know if we can help at all.

Beth

single_and_preg
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:22 PM

Wow I really dont understand why some men act like that...You can handle it without him though and I think thats the best thing for you to do, because he doesnt sound like he wants to be there for you or the child.

crashley_05
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:39 PM

 Thanks to the both of you... even a couple of kind words and people letting you know that they are there really help. I'm just still so much in shock. He had his s#%t together and he was soooo very good to me and my son. We got along great, only had one misunderstanding.... even though it was short lived, we got along great and complimented each other very well. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought he would be so low into acting like this.... thanks Mamas.

Beth5289
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:06 PM


Quoting crashley_05:

 Thanks to the both of you... even a couple of kind words and people letting you know that they are there really help. I'm just still so much in shock. He had his s#%t together and he was soooo very good to me and my son. We got along great, only had one misunderstanding.... even though it was short lived, we got along great and complimented each other very well. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought he would be so low into acting like this.... thanks Mamas.


Ugh.  I can relate to those feelings, of thinking that the guy and the relationship is wonderful, and then being shocked when the true colors are revealed.  I am so sorry again that you are going through all this.

Will you have a good support system of friends and family to help you through your pregnancy? 

Beth

Moniquemarie1
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 8:13 PM

I agree with what the other moms said.  Just stick to your guns and focus on your family so you won't be worried about him.  It will hurt for awhile, but this stuff happens to the best of us and we can get through it.  If he wants to know about the pregnancy or the baby, let him contact you.  He is not the type you want to be with.  It is too bad people can't be real from the start.  When the baby is born, just go straight to court.  He is not mature enough for you to discuss anything with him.  I'm having flash backs and getting mad.  LOL!  I wish you all the good fortune in the world.  You can do this and you will be fine! 

claires_mommy07
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 10:46 PM

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.  I would stay away from him and when the baby is born take him to court for child support.  He may not want to be a part of the childs life but he sure as hell should help support that baby that you are going to be responsible for.  It stinks that it takes situations like these for some guys to reveal their true self.  As long as you have a support system of friends and family to help you out then you will be just fine in the long run and remember that you always have us on here for anything you need to talk about. 




 




 

kasonsmommy1114
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 10:55 PM

ughh guys can be such asses sometimes! Stick to your gutt momma...he doesnt sound like the kind of guy you need to be with. but like the other moms said as soon as you have this baby take his happy butt to court. he helped make it he can help support it!

crashley_05
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 10:55 PM

I'm sure I do have the support system... with all of this drama-stress going on, EVERYONE is getting on my nerves and I do not want to be around them. ANY of them. My mother and I do not get along, she is an alcholoic that drinks on her depression medicine and she has been very hostile in the past towards me. I'm sure once things settle down... things will start going alot smoother. As much as I don't want to do this alone, part of me is happy. I loved being pregnant and I eventually wanted more kids but due to endemetriosis and a chocolate cyst/hematobin and complex ovarian cysts I was worried that would really limit my chances to have another child. My first appt. is January 26 and I'm sure once I leave that office I'll be on cloud 9!! Thanks again Mama's!  

sandrak212
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:03 AM

 oh man i'm so sorry!! i separated from my husband in the midst of my second pregnancy and the guy your talking about totally borderlines my husbands personality. i'm trying to work it out with my husband because we're still married and he wants to be apart of our kids lives, but this guy sounds super immature and not even willing to accept that he's going to have another kid. the whole i need time to think is crap...maybe the first time it was true but he sounds like he's moved on and its just an excuse. if i were you i'd just get child support and not be involved with this guy. i know your pregnant and its really hard to hear these things because i understand (really i do) you miss him and you really just want to be a family. but i think your children would appreciate one amazing parent then one amazing parent and a dead beat one. good luck lady, lots of good thoughts going your way :)

tericared
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 1:34 AM


Quoting kasonsmommy1114:

ughh guys can be such asses sometimes! Stick to your gutt momma...he doesnt sound like the kind of guy you need to be with. but like the other moms said as soon as you have this baby take his happy butt to court. he helped make it he can help support it!

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