Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Part 1 - U tell me???

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 9:28 PM
  • 9 Replies

Part 1

BD seems to think we moved too fast.  He was introducing me to his parents the first few months that we began talking.  After time transpired, he seemed to think we are not right for each on some major issues like money (he's a tight wad, I like to shop), child-rearing (he's a stern disiplinarian-spanker, I'm a lighter weight, friendlier one who likes to make the kids happy-time out), religion(he's a go to church every Wed., and Sunday type, while church is new to me but I'm still open to it, just more "spiritual" than "churchy"), and just personality differences period (he can be silly, but for the most part serious and I sometimes think I'm too silly and happy go lucky when around him)  I think its because I am in love with him.  I don't know why but I am.  Now we have a child together.  It was unplanned.  And throughout the pregnancy it was up in the air if we would patch things up or not.  After the birth of the baby it was like he fell in love with me again.  But when I saw pictures of him on facebook with another woman (and these pictures would have been taken while I was still pregnant) I went off on him big time and told him we should probably go our separate ways!  All he said was 'ok'   That really made me very sad.  Is he a dog?  He claimed that there was nothing going on between them.  She's his brothers wifes sister.  They just both happened to be in his brother's wedding together.  And that she was actually engaged to somebody else.  But the fact that I dont trust him means we have nothing! Yeah, nothing but a 3 month old!!!  We are just at this point being civil for the baby's sake.  Now I kind of wish I could have held back and just closely watched him to determine if he was creepin or not.  Apparently there was a communication gap while I was pregnant.  Apparently I thought we were working things out.  Apparently he thought he was still single.  I dont know what to think really at this point.  My friends and family think that I should just chill for a min, focus on me and my kids and maybe meet someone else......

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 9:28 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
Beth5289
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 9:40 PM

I think that if you hadn't said anything, you would have drove yourself crazy wondering it about it.  I don't know what to tell you about what you are feeling now though.

I just hope that you figure it all out.  Good luck mama! :: hugs ::

Beth

AngieMarie08
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 9:45 PM

ok, I am not trying to hurt your feelings, I have had my heart broken so I dont mean to add fuel to the fire. Ask yourself this: If he really fell in love with you would he so easily walk away with and 'ok"?

calgalmeg
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 10:31 PM

I agree- having been through this before anytime they can say "ok" to ending a serious relationship it means in one way or another it's already over.  Short of the two of you talking it out and doing couple's therapy or something I don't see much hope.

Quoting AngieMarie08:

ok, I am not trying to hurt your feelings, I have had my heart broken so I dont mean to add fuel to the fire. Ask yourself this: If he really fell in love with you would he so easily walk away with and 'ok"?


 May the best of your past be the worst of your future. 

tericared
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 1:38 AM

I agree with your family..... 

jadenember
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 9:57 AM

ditto. A man that loves you wouldn't just walk away like that.

Quoting calgalmeg:

I agree- having been through this before anytime they can say "ok" to ending a serious relationship it means in one way or another it's already over.  Short of the two of you talking it out and doing couple's therapy or something I don't see much hope.

Quoting AngieMarie08:

ok, I am not trying to hurt your feelings, I have had my heart broken so I dont mean to add fuel to the fire. Ask yourself this: If he really fell in love with you would he so easily walk away with and 'ok"?

 


NewMom2010
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 2:15 PM

In my personal opinion I would have to disagree...   I feel as though you should look at it from both sides. First off clearly you two are very different and he has said that  he thinks you two aren't right for each other. So he already let you know right there he's not sure on if the two of you will work out. Also realize that he is a man and they do think and act very differently to certain situations especially relationship wise than a woman would that's just how it is. So we can not expect them to sit there and ask questions or dig deeper as to why you want to break up when you say things like let's go our separate ways, they don't want to deal with drama so yes it may have seemed like he doesn't care by saying ok  he was being himself (a man) when you were probably looking for much more from him doesn't mean he doesn't love you. The person you should be discussing this with is him and if he said that things with the girl aren't as they seem then believe him for now, if you go searching for something 9 times out of 10 you will find it.. what's done in the dark will come to the light so why drive yourself crazy worrying about what he is or isn't doing when he hasn't given you any other reason to doubt him besides now and like you said he thought he was single and regardless if you are working it out or not doesn't necessarily mean you're a couple.. I would go and talk to him about it and see what happens get on the same page.. and i do agree with your friends and family .. just focus on your precious babies.. what is meant to be will be.

calgalmeg
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 2:52 PM

My thoughts on this is that if he wanted a relationship with you he would say so- not like he'd have to have a speech but he'd at least say "that's not what I want."

Quoting NewMom2010:

In my personal opinion I would have to disagree...   I feel as though you should look at it from both sides. First off clearly you two are very different and he has said that  he thinks you two aren't right for each other. So he already let you know right there he's not sure on if the two of you will work out. Also realize that he is a man and they do think and act very differently to certain situations especially relationship wise than a woman would that's just how it is. So we can not expect them to sit there and ask questions or dig deeper as to why you want to break up when you say things like let's go our separate ways, they don't want to deal with drama so yes it may have seemed like he doesn't care by saying ok  he was being himself (a man) when you were probably looking for much more from him doesn't mean he doesn't love you. The person you should be discussing this with is him and if he said that things with the girl aren't as they seem then believe him for now, if you go searching for something 9 times out of 10 you will find it.. what's done in the dark will come to the light so why drive yourself crazy worrying about what he is or isn't doing when he hasn't given you any other reason to doubt him besides now and like you said he thought he was single and regardless if you are working it out or not doesn't necessarily mean you're a couple.. I would go and talk to him about it and see what happens get on the same page.. and i do agree with your friends and family .. just focus on your precious babies.. what is meant to be will be.


 May the best of your past be the worst of your future. 

BellaRose17
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 2:58 PM

exactly, guys are very straightforward when it comes to this, if they love you they tell you (or show it through actions), if they want to be with you they make it happen, if they want to talk to you they pick up the phone and call.

Quoting calgalmeg:

My thoughts on this is that if he wanted a relationship with you he would say so- not like he'd have to have a speech but he'd at least say "that's not what I want."

Quoting NewMom2010:

In my personal opinion I would have to disagree...   I feel as though you should look at it from both sides. First off clearly you two are very different and he has said that  he thinks you two aren't right for each other. So he already let you know right there he's not sure on if the two of you will work out. Also realize that he is a man and they do think and act very differently to certain situations especially relationship wise than a woman would that's just how it is. So we can not expect them to sit there and ask questions or dig deeper as to why you want to break up when you say things like let's go our separate ways, they don't want to deal with drama so yes it

 


tocreatefire
by on Jan. 5, 2010 at 10:23 AM

I think that just maybe you might have been quick to jump the gun.  I would just step back and work on letting go od your fears and issues you are having with him. Then try being friends and then try moving back into a relationship.  It is really easy to jump the gun and think the worse. Sometimes the actions of the other person warrent it and other times it's our unresolved issues with past relationships  rearing their ugly heads and causing issues this go round.



I've done the same thing with my DD's Father. Totally blow up everything that has gone on into something it totally was not mainly because it was something some other ex of mine would have been likely to do. We are finding that the slower we take things the better they are working out.




 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)