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need advice: facing pregnancy alone

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 11:52 PM
  • 10 Replies

I am 15 weeks pregnant & now the father of my baby is denying paternity. He constantly accuses me of cheating and lying, when in reality I hardly leave the house & only spend time with family. I barely have any friends because of him & he accuses me of having a lesbian relationship with my best friend. What can I do? I feel so alone, I really love him & I have never cheated on him.

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 11:52 PM
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by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:49 AM

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry.  I went through the same sort of thing with my ex, he didn't accuse me of a lesbian relationship but he accused me of cheating on and as it turns out it was because he was cheating on me.  I'm not saying that your BD is but in know mine was.  I know how it feels to have no friends or anything, my ex separated me from everyone including most of my family.  We hardly ever spent anytime with my family, it was always with his.  And as I came to later figure out when I had time to talk with my pastor and others after the separation he was isolating me from any kind of support system for me, he was mentally and emotionally abusive and I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't gotten out when I did it would have led physical abuse as well.  If he is denying paternity now, then you need to get away from him.  When the baby is born have a DNA test and when it proves that he is the father (since you know there is no other possible person that could be) you can slap his ass with child support!  But he doesn't sound like the kind of person you would want around your child anyway.



by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:51 AM

Hun it is clear this is not the sort of man you should have to put up with.  He doesn't want to accept responsibility for the child he helped create and is trying to make you look bad so you will either be too embarrassed to do anything once the child is born or to give himself an excuse to other people for being a deadbeat.

Move on, accept that he is that way and let it go.  You can have happiness with your child and yourself.   Try and reconnect with your friends and build a life for the two of you.  You will be much better off trying to be happy on your own than battling it out with him.

Congrats on your LO dear.

 May the best of your past be the worst of your future. 

by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 1:00 AM

I agree with the ladies above....Cut your ties now..And do not put him on the birth certificate,,,Have a DNA and do things through the court..... Do you have any family that you can count on?

by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 1:17 AM

Do you have family that will help you? My sons "father" wasn't reliable and left me when I told him I was pregnant so I went through my pregnancy alone, except I have a supportive family.

by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 10:47 AM

Get out and get out now! It will be hard and it will hurt, but you need to do this for yourself and your child. He probably won't help you anyway when the baby comes. Are there any shelters in the area? Do you have any family that can help? I went through 2 pregnancies alone, even driving myself to the hospital when I went into labor. I didn't have much family support as they were several hundred miles away. You can do it. I raised two girls without child support, which I do NOT recommend. Be sure to get a paternity test and then make him pay. You WILL feel alone, but you WILL get through it. You may love him, but you are headed for many years of heart ache and drama if you stay with him.


by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 10:58 AM

Hey 1stTimeMaMa01,

I would say forget about him.If he denies your baby now he will when the baby gets here.But make sure you get a DNA test to prove he is the father.And put him on child suport.As of going alone in your pregnacy I would look to see what community resources you have where you live.Maybe a parenting class or a first time Mama Class to meet some new friends who are in the same boat as you are.Or even on this site im sure you can make some good friends to talk to..My daughter who is 20 is on her 3rd kid.I have been there for all 3.I have 6 grandkids and have been thru most of there births...if you want to talk look me up...

by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 11:06 AM

If he is denying paternity of your child, he just does not want to be the father of your child.  If he does not want to be the father, then he shouldn't be.  You should probably pursue child support when the time comes, but I would not try to force him to be a father if he does not want to be.  Even the guys that say they want to be fathers can bring so much drama with them that it can be too much to bear.  That's my situation.  I am also pregnant, by a man that I broke up with shortly before i found out I was pregnant.  He says he wants to be a father, but is so unreliable that I can already envision all the drama that I will have to endure for the rest of our lives.  In my case, I almost wish he would deny paternity, as awful as that sounds.  And, again, this is from someone who says he wants to be involved.  In your case, I would think the drama would be that much more.  I'm sorry that you are going through this.  I hope that you can reconnect with family and friends, and that they can be the support you need in case your man does not come around.

by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:29 PM

Ditto all of the above!!

Sweetie, he is trying to manipulate/control you.  (He most likely is the one cheating, too....when they cheat they typically accuse their mate of the same thing.)

If you stay with him, it will only get worse.  And believe me, after the baby is born it will be even harder/scarier to leave, so do it now.

Please do not put him on the birth certificate....if I could go back and do it all over again, I would make myself out to be a slut who has no idea what the name of the father could be rather than give the real (monster) father parental rights!

Lots of love, strength, and hugs to you!

We are all here for you!!


by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 5:53 PM

yep yep.. i, too, am in agreeance with the other ladies.  this is not the man for you.  don't prolong the inevidable, get out and do your business with him by the book, not the heart.

by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 6:05 PM

hon i agree with everyone here more with kerin above.

please run!! it will be so much better. if you have family let them help you but get out now he is abuseive and yes i bet he is cheating. i know its hard but do what is right for your child!! trust me i regert every day i told the sperm donner of my littel girl i was pregnant and now i'm paying for it. yes he didn't sign her bc and i did leave him ( after i caught him cheating on me with guys) but he has made my life hell and now i have to go to court on wed for a restaring order and him and his family are trying to take my daughter because they want to "make me pay" please trusst us we have been there before. run now. get out and let him deine the baby you will be so happy you did and you can do it. you are a strong women and you can make a better life for you and the baby. don't go for child support its isn't wroth it and remember this above everything else, if he can do it to you ( and by that i mean be abuseive which he is) he can AND WILL DO IT TO YOUR CHILD think about that you don't want to make your baby go through that trust me thats why i'm fighting so hard for my daugther you don't need a man to be happy. move back home or get help do what you have to. cut all ties and don't even tell him when you have the baby you can do it hon turst yourself. please keep us updated im praying for you

theres always a light at the end of the tunnel, we just have to find it"
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